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Old 08-07-2009, 02:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
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Nursing Home Sex

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home.

Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?'

She asks, 'What?'

'Sex!!' he replies

Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!'

'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.'

Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.

Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son of a bitch! What does Ethel have that I don't have?'

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's...'
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Old 08-07-2009, 10:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I didn't get it the first time ... but now I lol'd!
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Old 08-07-2009, 10:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
Eat your vegetables
 
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Now that is funny!
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
Let's put a smile on that face
 
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Location: On the road...
Oh snap!!! Took a second, I was mistaking Parkinsons for Alzheimer. SNAP!!
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
Forming
 
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Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.
Rich...
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Old 08-09-2009, 07:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
 
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Location: Southern England
funny. thanks for sharing.
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine

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Old 08-09-2009, 08:17 AM   #7 (permalink)
Living in a Warmer Insanity
 
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Zing!
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Old 08-09-2009, 10:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Location: Indiana
this reminds me, I knew someone who worked in a nursing home for a while. While she was working one night, they got a call for help--one of the older men was stuck and couldn't get up.

Upon entering the room, they discovered him bent over an elderly lady, attempting to give her some oral sex, then his back gave out and he was stuck. She said they did this at least once a week.
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