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Old 07-23-2003, 06:15 PM   #41 (permalink)
Hey, I enjoyed them. Not sure what that says about me...
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Old 07-24-2003, 01:06 PM   #42 (permalink)
These are some funny jokes. I'm glad I don't get every one of them though.
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Old 07-25-2003, 09:09 PM   #43 (permalink)
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?

Elephant grape sin theta.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?

You can't, a mountain climber is a scaler. (scalar)
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Old 07-26-2003, 09:57 PM   #44 (permalink)
Know Where!
MacGnG's Avatar
Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably...

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Old 07-28-2003, 12:01 AM   #45 (permalink)
Location: Austin, TX
You can't, a mountain climber is a scaler. (scalar)

Haha... i didn't see that one coming, but its sooooo good.
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Old 07-28-2003, 12:23 AM   #46 (permalink)
Location: land of poor spelling
haha these are great
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Old 07-28-2003, 12:47 AM   #47 (permalink)
Location: chocolate city
They were good
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Old 02-05-2008, 01:31 PM   #48 (permalink)
<3 TFP
xepherys's Avatar
Location: 17TLH2445607250
What's the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"? Natural log cabin + c = houseboat
What is the square root of 4b^2 ?

2b or not 2b
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared, and not a bit more.

<3 Geek Jokes...

Man, these are great!
The prospect of achieving a peace agreement with the extremist group of MILF is almost impossible...
-- Emmanuel Pinol, Governor of Cotobato

My Homepage
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Old 02-05-2008, 06:54 PM   #49 (permalink)
albania's Avatar
For those who understand math jokes here is a paper on them http://www.ams.org/notices/200501/fea-dundes.pdf ; read it for the footnotes and the interesting explanations. Below are the bare jokes for those whodon't have pdf, with my favorites in bold. (I didn’t read through all the thread so there must be some doubles)

A lot of math jokes   click to show 
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Old 02-05-2008, 10:57 PM   #50 (permalink)
I have eaten the slaw
inBOIL's Avatar
And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

Last edited by inBOIL; 02-05-2008 at 11:02 PM..
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Old 02-06-2008, 07:04 PM   #51 (permalink)
Mine is an evil laugh
spindles's Avatar
Location: Sydney, Australia
Originally Posted by soccerstudpc20
I get all of them and think they are hilarious (make me a nerd???), except the one about descartes odering the usual drink???
Originally Posted by Descartes
I think therefore I am
who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?
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Old 02-08-2008, 12:42 AM   #52 (permalink)
Q: Why can’t you grow wheat in Z/6Z?
A: It’s not a field.
that was so bad...

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the airport sirens rang out. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would-be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now! Hurry!" The experimentalist replied, "Have patience! I'm just a simple Pole in a complex plane."
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Old 02-08-2008, 02:07 AM   #53 (permalink)
has a plan
Hain's Avatar
Location: middle of Whywouldanyonebethere
Originally Posted by Got in an Email
Impure Mathematics
------ -----------
To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we present:

Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly virtue, young Polly
Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that notorious villain Curly Pi,
and factored (oh horror!!!)

Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across
a field of vectors when she came to the boundary of a singularly large
matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her mother had made it an
absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her
brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that
morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this
condition on the basis that it was insufficient and made her way in
amongst the complex elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from
all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and
tensor. Quite suddenly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix,
and went completely divergent. She tripped over a square root that was
protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient.
When she rounded off once more, she found herself inverted, apparently
alone, in a non-Euclidean space.

She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was
lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear
coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. He wondered, "Was
she still convergent?" He decided to integrate properly at once.

Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly Pi
approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once
by his degenerate conic and dissipative that he was bent on no good.
"Arcsinh," she gasped.
"Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote you have I can
see your angles have lots of secs."
"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't got my brackets on."
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your fears are
purely imaginary."
"I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but homologous."
"What order are you?" the brute demanded. "Seventeen," replied Polly.
Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on."
"Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm absolutely convergent."
"Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place I know and
I'll take you to the limit."
"Never," gasped Polly.
"Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.
His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log
until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared
at her significant places, and began smoothing out her points of
inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was now her only hope.
She felt his digits tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence
would soon be gone forever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly's radius
squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He integrated by parts. He
integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactored, he performed
runge-kutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and
did a contour integration. What an indignity - to be multiply
connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and became
completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that she was no
longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated in several places.
But it was to late to differentiate now. As the months went by,
Polly's denominator increased monotonically. Finally she went to
L'Hopital and generated a small but pathological function which left
surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation.

The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to keep your
expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom."
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Old 02-16-2008, 10:07 PM   #54 (permalink)
biznatch's Avatar
Location: France
Wow, talk about Thread from the Dead. But really, awesome repost! I LOLed and LOLed.
Check it out: The Open Source/Freeware/Gratis Software Thread
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Old 02-17-2008, 05:02 PM   #55 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
KellyC's Avatar
Location: Home sweet home
Q: What does a mathematician and his wife's signature look like?

A: Sine and Cosine (read it out)

I just thought of it. =D
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.
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Old 02-18-2008, 07:57 PM   #56 (permalink)
Location: Houston
I saw this at work recently and I thought it was pretty epic.
Attached Images
File Type: gif numbers.gif (9.9 KB, 34 views)
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Old 02-18-2008, 11:57 PM   #57 (permalink)
spongy's Avatar
One of my favorite math jokes is slightly dirty.. and one I'm proud to say I figured out when asked...

What's the square root of 69?

8 something
The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

Stephen King
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Old 02-20-2008, 04:26 PM   #58 (permalink)
Location: Under the Radar
What is the most important equation a math major should know before he has sex?

I think I'll procrastinate......in a little while.
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jokes, lame, math, super, warning

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