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Old 04-19-2003, 01:09 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Math jokes (warning SUPER LAME)

Three statisticians went duck hunting and finally came across a duck. The first one shot at it but aimed too high and missed. Then the second one shot but aimed too low and missed. The third one jumped up and down all excited and yelled "We hit it we hit it!!!!"


What did one math book say to the other? Leave me alone, I've got my own problems


What did the mathematician call his band? The Logarithms


Descartes went to relax at a tavern. The barkeep approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.


Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably...


What's the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"? Natural log cabin + c = houseboat


Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side


There was once a very smart horse. Anything you showed it, he mastered it easily. Until one day someone tried to teach it rectangular coordinates and he just couldn't understand them. Everyone tried to figure out what was wrong and couldn't. Then a new guy looked at the problem and said "Of course he can't do it, you're putting Descartes before the horse!"


And finally, the world's shortest math joke: Let Epsilon < 0
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Old 04-19-2003, 01:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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There's a reason why I don't find these lame at all...


Thanks for the great jokes
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Old 04-19-2003, 01:16 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Those were suprisingly funny. Thanks.
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Old 04-19-2003, 02:19 AM   #4 (permalink)
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hehehe... there was a reason why i found those funny too.

i have my own super lame jokes to share...


Q) Why is maths an angry subject?

A) Because you have mean variables and cross products.


One day, a bus driver was getting very upset because none of the kids in his bus would shut up. He tried to put up with it, but eventually, the noise became so much that he slammed his foot on the brakes, got up, turned around, and screamt the frist thing that was in his mind... which was "IF YOU ALL DON'T SHUT UP, ILL DIFFERENTIATE YOU ALL!" As everyone stopped talking, a lone student in the back stood up and said "you cant hurt me, I am e to the x!"
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Old 04-19-2003, 03:53 AM   #5 (permalink)
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heh i didnt quite get the one about the mathematicians band but thats probly just cos its too late to think. thanks for the jokes
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Old 04-19-2003, 04:45 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I don't know, that Descartes one seems more like a philosophy joke, but we'll let that slide, they're good for a chuckle.
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Old 04-19-2003, 05:19 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Those aren't lame...

I laughed out loud!

Thanks!
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Old 04-19-2003, 07:24 AM   #8 (permalink)
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<i>Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side</i>

Bwa ha!! Killer!
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Old 04-19-2003, 03:13 PM   #9 (permalink)
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lol

some of those are just great!
thx
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Old 04-19-2003, 03:28 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: Tempe, AZ
lol, those were great! (wow I'm a nerd!)
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Old 04-19-2003, 03:29 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I enjoyed these, thanks!
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Old 04-19-2003, 08:41 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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hehehe... didnt get it.. ahahah... no... dont get it.
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Old 04-19-2003, 09:05 PM   #13 (permalink)
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hahaha i feel bad that i understood those jokes and laughed.

great stuff though!
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Old 04-19-2003, 09:08 PM   #14 (permalink)
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haha same here
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Old 04-19-2003, 09:12 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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did i reply? still good! i'm soo drunk!
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Old 04-20-2003, 03:03 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Goddamnit! It was all going so well...I understood (and laughed at) all of the jokes, until I got to the last one....


the world's shortest math joke: Let Epsilon < 0

-C.S. Flim

"Natural log cabin + c = houseboat" hehehehe! brilliant!
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Old 04-20-2003, 03:04 AM   #17 (permalink)
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oh and another one...


Heisenberg is stopped by a traffic cop who askes: "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know exactly where I am"


(ok, not a maths joke, a physics joke, but still funny)
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Old 04-20-2003, 03:20 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by CSflim
Goddamnit! It was all going so well...I understood (and laughed at) all of the jokes, until I got to the last one....
Well, analyze a joke and it instantly becomes un-funny...

But epsilon is used in equations testing limits of things such like this:
| x | < epsilon.

Since the absolute value of X is always >= 0, having a negative-valued epsilon is kind of funny.


For my own contribution...

12 + 144 + 20
+ (3 &times; (4^&frac12))
&divide; 7
+ (5 &times; 11)
= 9&sup2 + 0


A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared, and not a bit more.
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Old 04-24-2003, 09:48 AM   #19 (permalink)
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how did the mathematician get rid of his constipation?


he worked it out with a pencil
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Old 04-24-2003, 11:00 AM   #20 (permalink)
Insane
 
Here's mine, kind of math, kind of CS.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world- those who understand binary, and those who do not.
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Old 04-24-2003, 11:16 AM   #21 (permalink)
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I get all of them and think they are hilarious (make me a nerd???), except the one about descartes odering the usual drink???
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Old 04-24-2003, 11:20 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Those are all wonderful, assuming an alpha rejection rate of .05.
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Old 04-24-2003, 12:48 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I must be a nerd. I managed to laugh out loud.
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Old 04-24-2003, 09:36 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Quote:
how did the mathematician get rid of his constipation?


he worked it out with a pencil
Crude, but hilarious.
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Old 04-24-2003, 11:00 PM   #25 (permalink)
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hmmm, a joke involving Descartes? What has become of us??
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Old 04-24-2003, 11:35 PM   #26 (permalink)
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10 out of 10

One final one:-

Q. How does a mathematician shit?

A. He works it out with a pencil, on paper, in logs!
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Old 04-25-2003, 01:14 AM   #27 (permalink)
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*LOL* Math limerics! Great job, Xixox!
I actually laughed at far more of those than I probably should have. I'll have to pass these along to a math major friend of mine.
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Old 04-25-2003, 01:21 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Location: This side of heaven.
These are the best kind of jokes. AWESOME!
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Old 04-25-2003, 04:14 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Old 04-25-2003, 06:00 AM   #30 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Some psychologists studying how people
solve problems set up an experiment one
day, and invited a physicist and a mathematician
to participate.

The physicist was led into a room where
an empty saucepan was sitting in a sink,
next to a gas stove. "Boil water," instructed
one of the researchers.

The physicist filled the pan from the tap in
the sink, carried it over to the stove, and
placed it on a burner. He turned the burner
on, and waited patiently. A few minutes later,
the water boiled, and the physicist sat down.

Next, the mathematician was presented with
the same situation. He filled the pan from
the tap in the sink, carried it over to the stove,
and placed it on a burner. He turned the burner
on, and waited patiently. A few minutes later,
the water boiled, and the mathematician sat
down.

For their second experiment, the psychologists
placed a full pan of water on the stove, and
brought in the physicist. "Boil water."

The physicist turned the burner on, and waited
patiently. A few minutes later the water boiled,
and the physicist sat down.

Finally, the mathematician was brought in to
do the new experiment. "Boil water," said the
researchers.

The mathematician walked to the stove, picked
up the pan, carried it to the sink, dumped out
the water, and sat down.

"Is that it?" asked one psychologist incredulously.

"Yes," replied the mathematician, perfectly
calm, "I've reduced it to a problem with a
known solution."
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Old 04-26-2003, 10:29 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Its some kind of Geek test, if you laughed you are. The last one is long but I like it.
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Old 04-26-2003, 01:05 PM   #32 (permalink)
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What is the square root of 4b^2 ?


2b or not 2b
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Old 04-26-2003, 01:32 PM   #33 (permalink)
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I guess I passed the geek test then
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Old 04-26-2003, 02:29 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Location: Ireland
Quote:
Originally posted by TwoToTango
Some psychologists studying how people
solve problems set up an experiment one
day, and invited a physicist and a mathematician
to participate......
"Yes," replied the mathematician, perfectly
calm, "I've reduced it to a problem with a
known solution."

Muahahaha! Best one yet!
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Old 04-26-2003, 02:57 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Location: In a van, down by the river
hahaah i havent seen those new ones yet, good jokes.
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Old 04-26-2003, 06:10 PM   #36 (permalink)
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It has been years since I took any math, but I found most of these funny. I won't point out the one or two I am still struggling with.
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Old 04-26-2003, 07:39 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Location: 127.0.0.1
Quote:
Originally posted by soccerstudpc20
I get all of them and think they are hilarious (make me a nerd???), except the one about descartes odering the usual drink???
lol, Descartes is famous for his quote "I think, therefore I am."

Great jokes
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Old 04-26-2003, 09:35 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Location: Montreal
Heh heh, great jokes, the originals & the replies.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go and retape my glasses.
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Old 04-26-2003, 10:22 PM   #39 (permalink)
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the natural log cabin + c joke made me laugh, really, really hard

check this out http://www.yourmom.com/index.php?PHP...e47d015&PID=16

yo mama jokes, based on math!
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Old 07-23-2003, 05:56 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Great really great

I am not ashamed to understand em
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