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Old 08-01-2003, 10:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
Stiltzkin's Avatar
Hamburger jokes

These jokes may interest a certain member of TFP...

Are hamburgers male?
Yes, because they're boygers, not girlgers!

At which fast food restaurant is a hamburger happiest?
Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!

Can a hamburger marry a hot dog?
Only if they have a very frank relationship!

Can you name two burgers who are royalty?
Sir Loin and Burger King!

Can you use the word 'tenderloin' in a sentence?
Burgers 'tenderloin' faster than pizzas or hot dogs!

Do hamburgers make good vampires?
No, because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!

Do they really serve burgers in Transylvania?
Very rare-ly.

How are UFO's related to hamburgers?
Both are Unidentified Frying Objects!

How can you tell which Burger Land baseball pitchers are left-handed?
They're the one's wearing the left-handed 'meats'!

How did the jury find the hamburger?
Grill-ty as charred!

How do gossipy hamburgers spend their time?
They chew the fat.

How do the Rolling Stones like their burgers?
Plain - Rolling Stones gather no moss-tard!

How do they prevent crime in hamburger country?
With burger alarms!

How do we know burgers love young people?
They're pro-teen!

How do we know hamburgers have high IQ's?
They 'loin' fast!

How do we know that hamburgers love classic music?
They're often found at the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall!

How do you insult a hamburger patty?
Call it a meatball!

How do you make a cheeseburger sad?
Make it with blue cheese!

How do you make a hamburger green?
Find a yellow cheeseburger and mix it with a blue one!

How do you make a hamburger smile?
Pickle it gently!

How do you make a meat loaf?
Send it on a vacation!

How does a burger acquire good taste?
With a little seasoning!

How does a pitcher walk a man in Burger Land baseball?
He throws four meatballs!

How far do burgers go in school?
Through cowlege (then they get their 450 degrees!).

How many burgers do you feed a ferocious, 14 foot tall vampire?
All it wants!

How was the hamburger murdered?
First it was 'rolled,' then smothered in onions!

In what school subjects does the teacher say, 'Well done, hamburgers'?
A wide range of subjects - meatyeval, history, meatematics and word grill.

Is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers?
No, you should eat your fingers separately!

Is there a way to make a hamburger do the Hula?
Sure, order a burger and a shake!

Name two tennis stars who are famous in the hamburger world?
Bjorn Borger and Billie Jean-o's Burger King!

Seriously, is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers?
Not if they are lady fingers, which are best eaten with tea or milk!

Seriously, when the crooked hamburger took it on the 1am, where did it go?
Heidelburg-er, Germany!

What are some outstanding hamburger colleges?
Brandeis, Cowlifornia State, Hoofstra, Pen State, Ranchelaer Polytechnic, Burgereley and Moosouri!

What baseball team do the meat patties root for?
The New York Meats!

What can you say about Ham Burger and Chief Justice Warren Burger?
Ham Burger is 'well done' and Chief Justice Warren Burger has 'done well'!

What can you say about the 6'5" chunk of meat who went into boxing?
The burger they are, the harder they fall!

What did the Big Mac say when the Vampire attacked him?
You're a pain in the neck!

What did the hamburger say when it found out that most people liked hamburgers better than frankfurters?
'Hot dog!'

What did the hamburger say when it pleaded 'not guilty'?
I've been flamed!

What did the hamburgers say to the butcher who acted on a TV show?
Welcome back, Cutter!

What did they call it when NHL officials refused to allow a hamburger to play hockey in the league?
Rink injustice!

What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster?
What did they say about the burger who went skiing for the first time?

How the meaty have fallen!
What did they tell the burger who enlisted in the Army?
You've got no beef, soldier!

What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins?
They think they are in a pickle.

What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning?
Well, it's back to the old grind!

What do meatballs say about mystery stories?
The pot thickens!

What do some burger eaters have?
A Hardee appetite!

What do some people have against cheeseburgers?
They say, 'Burgers can't be cheesy!'

What do they call a meeting among the most brilliant people in Burger Land?
A MEATing of the minds!

What do they say about the noise at the Burger Land Super Bowl?
It's PAN-demonium!

What do you use to determine if a refrigerated burger is cold enough?
A thermomeater!

What famous movie did the hamburger meat think of when they took it out of the freezer?
They Fry Who Cam in from the Cold!

What great song is associated with hamburgers and baseball?
'Steak Me Out to the Ballgame'!

What happened to the pilot who flew into a 4,000 pound mountain of meat?
He got grounded!

What happened when the meat patty saw the seeded bun?
It was love at first sight - poppy (seed) love!

What happens when two burgers fall in love?
They live together in holy meatrimony!

What is a hamburger's favourite story?
Hansel and Gristle!

What is the hamburgers' most familiar song?
'Home on the Range'!

What is the hamburgers' motto?
If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again!

What kind of a pitch did Sandy Koufax of the old Burger-lyn Dodgers have?
A fastball - a sizzler.

What kind of baseball do burgers play?
Ketchup baseball!

What kind of company is a 24 hours hamburger joint?

What kind of girl does a hamburger like?
Any girl named Patty!

What old-time song is the burgers' favourite?
'Hammy' - as sung by Al Jolson!

What song do burgers sing on the job?
Gristle While You Work!

What system do they teach in Hamburger High's math courses?
The meatric system, silly!

What's the one food that goes over almost as well as burgers in Transylvania?
Fang-furters! (sometimes neck-wurst)

When can you count on a hamburger in an emergency?
When the chips are down!

When do burgers quit their jobs?
The day they decide to meat LOAF!

When do hamburgers most enjoy watching TV?
During PRIME time!

When does a hamburger wear a look like a smile button?
When somebody says, 'Well done'!

When the crooked hamburger took it on the 'lamb', where did it go?
Oh, 'ewe' know!

Where can a burger get a great night's sleep?
On a bed of lettuce!

Where did the burgers go after their wedding?
On a bun-eymoon!

Where do the burgers go on New Year's Eve?
To a meat ball!

Where does a burger feel at home?
On the range!

Where does a burger go on vacation?
The Swiss (cheese) Alps or The Cheeseapeake Valley!

Where is home to a burger?
Any old cow town!

Which baseball team is currently the favourite with hamburger fans?
The Cincinnati Reds -because they're the Big Bread Machine!

Which burger has four legs, whiskers and a tail?
A cat-burger! (burglar)

Which burger is famous for a long nose?
Cyrano de Burgerac!

Which burgers are dishonest?
Cat-burgers! (burglars)

Which burgers can tell your fortune?
Medium burgers!

Which burgers love to act?

Which cheeseburger makes a big hit in baseball?
A double!

Which dances do the burgers do best?
The burger-loo and the char char!

Which is the meat patties' least favourite day of the week?

Which meatballs get a little tipsy on occasion?
The POTTED ones!

Which of our meaty friends are into astrology?
Those that are born under the sign of the Ham!

Which Opera is about our meaty friends?
The Barbecue of Seville!

Which people do the burgers hate?
The ones who are always putting the bite on them!

Which player do the meat patties root for in pro football?
Chris Hanburger of the Washington Redskins!

Which political discussions between the Russians and Americans keenly interest Burger Land citizens?
The SALT talks!

Which singer's records do they play at hamburger joints in Transylvania?
Fang Sinatra.

Which type of comedy leaves a hamburger cold?
BITING humour!

Who are the hamburgers favourite people?

Who can beat any burger at golf?
Any LINKS sausage!

Who can you always rely on in Burger Land during an emergency?
Hamburger helpers!

Who do hamburgers love on TV?
Archie Bunker's son-in-law, the meathead!

Who is a hamburger's favourite comedian?
Milton Broil! (Berle)

Who is the hamburgers' favourite actress?
Candice Berger!

Who is the hamburger's favourite singer?
'Hammy' Davis Jnr!

Who is the most important person in a European town?
The burger-meister!

Who puts holes in meat patties?
Dunkin' Hamburgers!

Who was the burger's favourite all-time movie director?
Sizzle B. DeMille!

Who wins most of the medals for bravery in Burger Land?
The meatball heros!

Whom do the meat patties dislike most?
The butchers! - they're always chop!

Why are hamburgers essential to football?
Because the game is played on a griddle-iron!

Why are our meaty friends so willing to take whatever comes their way?
Burgers can't be choosers!

Why aren't burgers the least bit scared of Halloween?
They're used to people 'goblin' them!

Why aren't burgers too good at basketball?
Too many turnovers!

Why can any hamburger run the mile in under four minutes?
Because it's a FAST food!

Why did Henry Winkler, who started the first drive-in fast-food operation, have to shut down?
He ran out of funz!

Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup?
He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!

Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King?
He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion.

Why do burgers laugh when you surround them with pickles?
Who knows - maybe they're picklish!

Why do burgers run the gauntlet?
To test their meattle!

Why do hamburgers act brilliantly on stage?
They give meaty performances - especially if they are in their prime!

Why do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues?
They get to meet their old flames!

Why do hamburgers make good baseball players?
They're great at the plate!

Why do hamburgers make poor pigeons?
They won't talk no matter how you grill them!

Why do the hamburgers beat the hot dogs at every sport they play?
Because hot dogs are the wurst!

Why does Farrah Fawcett-Majors love hamburgers?
Who knows - but we just wanted to mention her name!

Why don't meat patties go to many movies?
It's the same old plot - boyger meets grill!

Why is President Carter important to Hamburger Land in April?
One the opening day of the baseball season, he throws out the first meatball!

Why was the burger thrown out of the Army?
He couldn't pass mustard! (muster)

Why was the magician able to make 12 meat patties disappear?
Because the handburger is quicker than the eye!

Why were the burgers in the refrigerator embarrassed?
They saw the salad dressing!

All jokes blatantly stolen from http://www.scatty.com/jokes/other/burger_jokes.html.
The most important thing in this world is love.
Stiltzkin is offline  
Old 08-01-2003, 10:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger's Avatar
Location: low-velocity Earth orbit

It's as if each joke were a spider that crawled into my brain.
I fear they are now laying eggs in there.
I can only hope when the egg sacs burst in my sleep that I will remember no more.
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Old 08-01-2003, 10:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
Stiltzkin's Avatar
Good hamburger jokes are a rare find, unfortunately. Perhaps hamburgers are too serious a force to be reckoned with, thereby rendering any and all attempts to jest about hamburgers a flop?
The most important thing in this world is love.
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Old 08-02-2003, 01:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
Eccentric insomniac
Slims's Avatar
Location: North Carolina
Those might be funnier if you abandoned the hamburger idea and went straight for the cows. Moooo.
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence
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Old 08-02-2003, 07:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
Location: Upstate, NY
Re: Hamburger jokes


All jokes blatantly stolen from http://www.scatty.com/jokes/other/burger_jokes.html. [/B]

actually they origianlly came from a book called "101 Hamburger Jokes"

some of them are actually kinda funny when you see the pictures that go along with them. most aren't. but to me, just the idea that someone sat down, wrote out at least 101 jokes (who's to say they didnt have to edit out some) about hamburgers THEN go and illustrate it, is funny enough.
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Old 08-02-2003, 09:03 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: AZ
some good ones in there
Born to Lose.
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Old 08-02-2003, 09:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
Dear God...will it ever end?
My sig can beat up your honor student.
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Old 08-02-2003, 09:56 PM   #8 (permalink)
Deliberately unfocused
grumpyolddude's Avatar
Location: Amazon.com and CDBaby
Wow, stilz, you didn't even rate a "Hail..." from GH. I, for one, respect the time and effort that you put into this post. Now tht you've tested the waters, bring out the "Grade A" material. We can build this thread from the "ground round" on up!

ps: I almost forgot
"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard
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Old 08-02-2003, 11:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
Hiding Out
My sweet jumpin Jebus H Christ!

I wasn't aware there were that many hamburger jokes ever made! Or burger jokes in general for that matter of fact!
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Old 08-04-2003, 06:16 AM   #10 (permalink)
Location: MS
Been reading way too many childrens books obviously!
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.

~ Clementine Paddleford
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