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Old 04-23-2003, 09:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Why did the chicken cross the road? (with apologies to JadziaDax)

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?


GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.


COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.


HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.


MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.


SADDAM HUSSEIN
This crossing of the road was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on the chicken.


RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.


RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking bout your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.


MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.


JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it-the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."


DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!


ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die In the rain. Alone.


MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.


GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.



BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.


JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.


ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.


VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.


RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?


CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.


FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?


SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.


BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.


ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?


BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?


COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
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Old 04-23-2003, 10:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
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lol. good one!
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Old 04-23-2003, 12:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
Poo-tee-weet?
 
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hahahahhahhahahah
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Old 04-23-2003, 12:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Some are really funny!

Glad
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Old 04-23-2003, 12:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
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i think there is website devoted to coming up with these
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Old 04-23-2003, 02:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
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There is one with cows too, they're both wonderful.
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Old 04-23-2003, 03:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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actually:
BILL CLINTON
To get to the middle

WERNER HEISENBERG
Vell, ve can zay zat zee chikun crozzed ze road or vee kun tell you how fasst it vas goink, but not both.
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Old 04-23-2003, 03:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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ERWIN SCHROEDINGER
It didn't. First it was on one side, then on the other.
&nbsp;&nbsp;<b>or</b>
To escape from a spooky, undead cat.

ADOLPH HITLER
To obtain <i>Lebensraum</i> from the inferior chickens on the other side.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN
So he could bring this watch, your father's watch, to you.

ARI FLEISCHER
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
&nbsp;&nbsp;<b>or</b>
That's not the issue. The issue is why the Democrat Leadership in congress is obstructing the president's plans to contract with Haliburton to build a road athwart each chicken crossing place.
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Old 04-23-2003, 03:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
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These have been around for a bit, but I love reading them again. Plus, they, whoever "they" are, have added onto them.
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Old 04-23-2003, 04:15 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Fucking funny. Loved it
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Old 04-23-2003, 05:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Location: to the right of the Coral Sea
MICHAEL JACKSON
(holds chicken by feet from a hotel window)
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Old 04-23-2003, 05:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
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eheh good ones
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Old 04-24-2003, 06:44 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Oh man, (recovering from intense laughter), those are awesome!
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Old 04-24-2003, 09:35 AM   #14 (permalink)
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AL GORE
I invented the Chicken!

DENNIS MILLER
Now, I don't want to go off on a rant here, but these chickens are fucking insane. Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

I tried to make a like miller-like rant but screwed it up so kept it short.
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Old 04-24-2003, 10:27 AM   #15 (permalink)
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hehe love it
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Old 04-24-2003, 07:46 PM   #16 (permalink)
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That's just fuckin hilarious
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Old 04-24-2003, 08:25 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I luv that one.
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Old 04-24-2003, 08:33 PM   #18 (permalink)
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some better than others, but the "Mulder" one is definitely the best
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Old 04-25-2003, 01:07 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Location: Yonder
Of course, a chicken crossing the road is sheer poultry in motion.....
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Old 04-25-2003, 11:29 PM   #20 (permalink)
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"Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken."

Screw that!
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Old 04-26-2003, 12:20 AM   #21 (permalink)
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I like the "chameleon" one
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Old 04-26-2003, 02:35 PM   #22 (permalink)
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very very good....thank you
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Old 04-27-2003, 07:26 AM   #23 (permalink)
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hahaha, some of those are hilarious
thanks
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Old 04-27-2003, 10:27 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Location: Montreal
Heh heh!! Great premise. Forever renewable. As timely as today's headlines. Thanks for the post(s)!
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Old 04-27-2003, 06:39 PM   #25 (permalink)
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nice collection of responses
some are damn funny
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Old 04-27-2003, 06:41 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Location: Austin, TX
i like the gay one
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Old 04-27-2003, 07:09 PM   #27 (permalink)
 
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Location: up north
these are good! very funny !! (y)
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Old 04-27-2003, 10:00 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Location: My World
luv satirical humor; great post; thanks for sharing
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Old 04-28-2003, 12:53 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Location: Drifting.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die In the rain. Alone.



bahahahaahahahaha....

was i the only one that found that one hysterically funny?
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Old 05-02-2003, 02:03 AM   #30 (permalink)
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That poor chicken it the brunt of too many jokes
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Old 05-02-2003, 02:05 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Location: In your bath tub with all your other rubber toys
funny stuff


for a canadian
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Old 05-02-2003, 04:11 AM   #32 (permalink)
Go faster!
 
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Location: Wisconsin
Those were funny. I like the Clinton one the best, I think!
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Old 11-08-2003, 05:36 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Location: Australia
Celebrity reasons as to why the chicken crossed the road

Every year the Chicken seems to come up with new reasons to cross the road....here's the latest....

ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you're telling me?

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed and that was good enough for us.

CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK: to boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?

FREUD: the fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

THE C.I.A: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define the word 'chicken'.

COLONEL SANDERS: That's an easy one I say. And the reason to that is to go and get my 11 secret herbs and spices.

HOMER J SIMPSON: MMMMMMM Chicken.
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Old 03-18-2004, 05:47 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Lol.
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