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Old 08-04-2003, 08:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Snappy Answers:

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Snappy Answers:

Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said Sir I need to see your ticket, not your stub."


Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"


A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"


The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."





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Old 08-04-2003, 09:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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The last one was the best.... thanks this put a smile on my face!
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Old 08-04-2003, 11:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Great shortys, got a good laugh out of me!
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Old 08-04-2003, 08:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
back from sabbatical
 
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that last was the best. thanks.
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Old 08-05-2003, 11:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
Sexy eh?
 
Location: Sweden
Hillarious!! great post! hehehe..
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Old 08-05-2003, 04:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Heard the first couple . . . but that last one is rich . .
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Old 08-05-2003, 04:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Sydney
Yeah they were great
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Old 08-05-2003, 04:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
DILLIGAF
 
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i bet that guy shut up real fast.
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Old 08-05-2003, 04:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
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ditto - had to read the last one to my bf it was so funny!
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Old 08-06-2003, 08:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I love the last one! Wish i couldve been there to see the look on his face
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Old 08-06-2003, 10:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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good one...thanks
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Old 08-07-2003, 12:51 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Location: chocolate city
The last one, the best one
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Old 08-07-2003, 11:41 AM   #13 (permalink)
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From The Family Guy, unaired episode:

Lois: I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm married to a child.
Peter: You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
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Old 08-07-2003, 12:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
Eh?
 
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Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
that last one rules. i bet that kid was like "ahh fuck"
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Old 08-07-2003, 06:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
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They're dead. I love it.
Two brothers who are friends of mine and myself were at a auto parts store. The younger of the two was at the counter paying for a pump of some sort. He hands the babe at the register a $100 very proudly, snapping the bill to draw attention. "Do you have anything smaller?" she says. He was befuddled, there was a breif momment of silence that was broken by my voice as I said, "Yeah, but he can't show it to you." She died, the whole store joined in. My friend took it as the joke it was and waited 14 years till the time was right to deliver the line himself. Glad I wasn't on the other side of it.
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Old 08-08-2003, 08:34 PM   #16 (permalink)
Upright
 
last was great
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Old 08-08-2003, 09:27 PM   #17 (permalink)
These pretzels are making me thirsty!!
 
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Location: 105B
that was a good laugh
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