Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-08-2003, 06:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
ARRRRRRRRRR
 
shalafi's Avatar
 
Location: Stuart, Florida
A few simple rules for the ladies

You heard us talk about them on the air, so here they are.....
Man Rules
- Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
- Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on thin one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just Say It !!!
- “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, neither do we.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
- Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have to many shoes.
- I am in shape. Round is a shape.
- Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that; it’s like camping.
shalafi is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 08:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
DILLIGAF
 
PayUp's Avatar
 
Location: AZ
amen. enough said
__________________
Born to Lose.
PayUp is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 08:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: MA
Nuff said is right
__________________
You had me at Qapla'
gnort is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 09:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
back from sabbatical
 
hawkeye's Avatar
 
Location: Mosptopia
< claps>
__________________
You're not fat,
You're just a giant ball
of love, covered in anger.
hawkeye is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 11:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
These pretzels are making me thirsty!!
 
iktoweya's Avatar
 
Location: 105B
damn straight
__________________
i miss K-Wise
iktoweya is offline  
Old 08-08-2003, 11:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: cali
Quote:
Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, neither do we.
a-fuckin-men
__________________
no man or woman is worth your tears - and the one who is, won't make you cry

question authority, don't ask why, just do it!
slant eyes is offline  
Old 08-09-2003, 08:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
Sexy eh?
 
Location: Sweden
Hehe.. Really good.. gotta save this one. Thanx for the post!
__________________
Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine
Regziever is offline  
Old 08-09-2003, 10:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
CSflim's Avatar
 
Location: Ireland
Brilliant! This shoudl be required reading for all those of the fairer sex!
__________________
CSflim is offline  
Old 08-10-2003, 08:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
Crazy
 
This is great... thanks..
egorey is offline  
Old 08-11-2003, 03:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
o i like it
dragon2fire is offline  
Old 08-11-2003, 04:32 AM   #11 (permalink)
Talk nerdy to me
 
God of Thunder's Avatar
 
Location: Flint, MI
Anybody have enough guts to post that in the Ladies Lounge??
__________________
I reject your reality, and substitute my own

-- Adam Savage
God of Thunder is offline  
Old 08-11-2003, 05:41 AM   #12 (permalink)
Crazy
 
sniff......it's all true
agentsmith is offline  
Old 08-11-2003, 10:07 AM   #13 (permalink)
ARRRRRRRRRR
 
shalafi's Avatar
 
Location: Stuart, Florida
Quote:
Originally posted by God of Thunder
Anybody have enough guts to post that in the Ladies Lounge??
I wouldnt reccomend it.

glad yall like it
shalafi is offline  
Old 08-11-2003, 05:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
Addict
 
Hehe, I should get the girlfriend to read this.
yakimushi is offline  
Old 08-11-2003, 06:19 PM   #15 (permalink)
Go faster!
 
DEI37's Avatar
 
Location: Wisconsin
Now THAT is good!!!
__________________
Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.
DEI37 is offline  
Old 08-11-2003, 10:25 PM   #16 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Land of the Hanging Chad
An affirmation of coarserness. Nice work. =)
__________________
The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.
-- Albert Schweitzer
JamesS is offline  
Old 08-12-2003, 07:52 AM   #17 (permalink)
I run E.
 
Location: New York
I'm feelin' ya dawg.
__________________
I hold with those that favor fire.
eyeronic is offline  
Old 08-12-2003, 09:24 AM   #18 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: where happiness lives
mmmm . . . mashed potatoes
__________________
someone else here must like Walton & Johnson too
Happyland is offline  
Old 08-12-2003, 11:00 AM   #19 (permalink)
jdkash
Guest
 
haha i'm gonna show that to my girl friend
 
Old 08-12-2003, 03:01 PM   #20 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: The bit at the top of England most people forget is called Scotland.
Quote:
Originally posted by jdkash
haha i'm gonna show that to my girl friend
Your braver than I am!
Memphis is offline  
Old 08-12-2003, 03:18 PM   #21 (permalink)
Tilted
 
hahahaha, that's brilliant!!
The Rogue is offline  
Old 08-12-2003, 04:25 PM   #22 (permalink)
Crazy
 
All hail King Shalafi!!! The toilet seat one's right up there where it belongs.
soopadoopa is offline  
Old 08-12-2003, 08:10 PM   #23 (permalink)
Junkie
 
loganmule's Avatar
 
Location: midwest
funny, and lots of truth here too
loganmule is offline  
Old 08-12-2003, 08:35 PM   #24 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: CANADA!!!
How ture...
__________________
[Insert Boobies Here]
killerjoejoe is offline  
Old 08-12-2003, 11:21 PM   #25 (permalink)
Eh?
 
Stare At The Sun's Avatar
 
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Fucking A!
Stare At The Sun is offline  
Old 08-13-2003, 06:06 PM   #26 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: East Tennessee
You blew it now they know that we don't mind sleeping on the couch! Darn just as I got it all set up mini fridge, extended cables for video games and special holder for multiple remotes. Remember men we must think before we talk specially in areas were women may get wind of it and use information to ruin our lives.
mvassek is offline  
Old 08-13-2003, 08:48 PM   #27 (permalink)
Archangel of Change
 
so true
hobo is offline  
Old 08-14-2003, 02:37 AM   #28 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: chocolate city
Every single one of those is perfect
bravo49 is offline  
Old 08-16-2003, 02:02 PM   #29 (permalink)
Insane
 
Keg-o-Grog's Avatar
 
Location: Foregin student in Texas atm.
i like lists, they are listy
__________________
I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth i know is you.

Keg-o-Grog is offline  
Old 08-16-2003, 07:07 PM   #30 (permalink)
Sarge of Blood Gulch Red Outpost Number One
 
archer2371's Avatar
 
Location: On the front lines against our very enemy
Quote:
Originally posted by God of Thunder
Anybody have enough guts to post that in the Ladies Lounge??
Not unless you prefer your testicles to be some place other than between your legs.
But other than that, great stuff, yeah the toilet seat one is right where it belongs.
__________________
"This ain't no Ice Cream Social!"

"Hey Grif, Chupathingy...how bout that? I like it...got a ring to it."

"I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif."
archer2371 is offline  
Old 08-17-2003, 12:00 PM   #31 (permalink)
Curious
 
Shpoop's Avatar
 
Location: NJ (but just for college)
Quote:
If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
hits the nail on the HEAD
Shpoop is offline  
Old 08-17-2003, 01:43 PM   #32 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
Not a single lie in there....
__________________
Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition
TerresqueÜ is offline  
Old 08-17-2003, 03:59 PM   #33 (permalink)
Fledgling Dead Head
 
krwlz's Avatar
 
Location: Clarkson U.
What? No women replys?

Gotta love that list, lol.
krwlz is offline  
Old 08-17-2003, 05:22 PM   #34 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Evermore
Guess not yet, but this is outstanding!

*saved*
__________________
Who Dares, Wins!
Khyronian is offline  
Old 08-17-2003, 11:46 PM   #35 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: USA
someone finally says it like it is
Early H is offline  
Old 08-18-2003, 07:14 AM   #36 (permalink)
Insane
 
Re: A few simple rules for the ladies

Quote:
Originally posted by shalafi
- Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
I love it! A perfect example of how women distort everything!

And Gnort, i just read you sig again and laughed right out loud. Man, that's funny...
fizzledorf is offline  
Old 09-03-2003, 09:33 AM   #37 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Tempe, AZ
That was pretty amusing, thanks!
__________________
"And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
'Till touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no, I’m a rocket man,
Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone..."
Quietus is offline  
Old 09-03-2003, 12:58 PM   #38 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Blistex's Avatar
 
Location: Tiger I Turret
A true classic that never gets old! Plus it's essentially the truth! I konw I have to always tell my girlfriend to just say what's bothering her about 50 times before she opens up!
Blistex is offline  
Old 09-06-2003, 10:20 PM   #39 (permalink)
Insane
 
Hanabal's Avatar
 
Location: Auckland
cant let this drop off the page
__________________
I am Hanabal, Phear my elephants
Hanabal is offline  
Old 09-07-2003, 11:06 AM   #40 (permalink)
Tilted
 
bullseye!!!
baboora is offline  
 

Tags
ladies, rules, simple

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:34 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360