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Old 09-01-2003, 03:23 AM   #1 (permalink)
Two Irish guys dieing in the desert

There are two Irish guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts.

"Oh my, god" says Mick. "It's a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"

"You're right!" says paddy. So Paddy goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

Mick quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Paddy.

"Paddy!! Paddy!! What on earth happened?"
With his dying breath Padddy calls out "Ugh, run, run!! It's not a Bacon Tree...

(scroll down, it's worth it)

"it's a ham bush"

Good eh?? I liked that one indeed
Insomniac(uk) is offline  
Old 09-01-2003, 04:17 AM   #2 (permalink)
insomniac, that was the best one ive heard in days keep 'em coming.
izzzzy is offline  
Old 09-01-2003, 05:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
how do you poach an irishman?

shoot him out of season
gloveshot3 is offline  
Old 09-01-2003, 06:24 AM   #4 (permalink)
groan! lol
Flesh is offline  
Old 09-01-2003, 08:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
Go faster!
DEI37's Avatar
Location: Wisconsin
Yikes!!! I guess I should have seen it coming, but either way...nice.
Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.
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Old 09-01-2003, 08:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
Searching for the perfect brew!
Brewmaniac's Avatar
That's so bad it's funny! Thanks
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"
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Old 09-01-2003, 10:03 AM   #7 (permalink)
Lol..only on TFP...only on TFP
>3 Cheers for boobies!!<
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Old 09-01-2003, 10:10 AM   #8 (permalink)
thats great
dragon2fire is offline  
Old 09-01-2003, 10:51 AM   #9 (permalink)
Sarge of Blood Gulch Red Outpost Number One
archer2371's Avatar
Location: On the front lines against our very enemy
Wow, lack of sleep made that one really punny.
"This ain't no Ice Cream Social!"

"Hey Grif, Chupathingy...how bout that? I like it...got a ring to it."

"I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif."
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Old 09-01-2003, 11:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
Location: OMFG BRB
Originally posted by archer2371
Wow, lack of sleep made that one really punny.
Good call!!
doubleaught is offline  
Old 09-02-2003, 12:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
Arc101's Avatar
Location: Nottingham, England
Ouch that joke was painful.
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Old 09-02-2003, 12:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun's Avatar
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
wow, that was painful.
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Old 09-03-2003, 12:51 PM   #13 (permalink)
Location: In Games.
Ouch... Punny, but ouch!
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Old 09-03-2003, 01:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
Blistex's Avatar
Location: Tiger I Turret
That joke is going straight to the printer and is gonna be hanging on my wall for quite a while!

Thanks for the joke!
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Old 09-03-2003, 07:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
Location: Sunny S.FLA
HAHA i cracked up hard...

I'm memorizing that one
Tiger69z is offline  
Old 09-03-2003, 08:20 PM   #16 (permalink)
SirLance's Avatar
Location: In the middle of the desert.
Arggghh! Got me!
DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.
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Old 09-03-2003, 08:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
Silverbrain's Avatar
Location: Nor Cal
Thats clever!
Over Thinking, Over Analyzing
Seperates the Body from the Mind - MJK
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Old 09-04-2003, 09:26 AM   #18 (permalink)
Location: Austria

For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.
cradeg is offline  
Old 09-04-2003, 11:22 AM   #19 (permalink)
Custom title.
Location: Denmark.
Haha, that one's going to be told aaaaall over work
Signature 101
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Old 09-04-2003, 05:40 PM   #20 (permalink)
2+2=5? Not again!
MichaelFarker's Avatar
Location: Dallas, Texas
I loved that. I'm going to tell it in about 20 minutes and probably again this weekend. Thanks insomniac.
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Old 09-04-2003, 06:31 PM   #21 (permalink)
loganmule's Avatar
Location: midwest
a joke that will even cause the kids to groan...not all bad
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Old 09-04-2003, 06:50 PM   #22 (permalink)
undulav's Avatar
Location: Northern California
Good grief!
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Old 09-04-2003, 09:59 PM   #23 (permalink)
Location: San Diego, CA
Another bad joke to add to my collection... I think I like them better than the good ones.
( o< --!"Take that bass out you're voice, you talk to me in treble."
/ / \
\/_/_ -->Mos Def
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Old 09-04-2003, 10:07 PM   #24 (permalink)
Very Proud of Ya
Location: Simi Valley, CA
That one is awfully good. If that even makes sense.
Do not speak Latin in front of the books.
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Old 09-05-2003, 02:13 AM   #25 (permalink)
Location: Norway
Haha, good joke
drewg is offline  
Old 09-05-2003, 02:23 AM   #26 (permalink)
Keg-o-Grog's Avatar
Location: Foregin student in Texas atm.
whaaahaaa supah neat
I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth i know is you.

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Old 09-05-2003, 07:21 PM   #27 (permalink)
back from sabbatical
hawkeye's Avatar
Location: Mosptopia
W00t!! that was great!
You're not fat,
You're just a giant ball
of love, covered in anger.
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Old 09-06-2003, 02:44 AM   #28 (permalink)
I spent the evening telling it friends in the pub, it goes down great if you (well preferably the person you're telling) has had a couple of beers!
Insomniac(uk) is offline  
Old 09-06-2003, 07:31 AM   #29 (permalink)
I and I
Location: Stillwater, OK
Oh man..."ham bush"...funny stuff!
Gortexfogg is offline  

desert, dieing, guys, irish

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