cchris

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.


I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.


You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.


Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message and if I don't call back, it's you.


This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is supercilious.


"I'm home right now . . . I'm just screening my calls. So just start talking and if you're someone I want to speak to I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?


Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.


Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)


Dial some number at random. Ask: "May I speak to Kevin? Oh, wrong number? Could you please tell him that his pizza is ready?". Hang up.

Dial the same number again 15 minutes later. In a different voice: "May I speak to Kevin? Oh, wrong number? Could you please tell him that John called?". Hang up.

Repeat 10 times. On the eleventh: "Hi, this is Kevin. Did I get any messages?"

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forgotten_dream

Heh, I like the fridge one. Time to go change my answering machine message!

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Loup

LOL - I'm going to be using this one

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loganmule

some good ones here, thanks

Zesty

nice ones

qpid

woot some ones i havent heard before

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Join the Revolution!

Necrophilia - The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one

crackpot

Some good ones there, <b>cchris</b>, thanks!
I dunno if I dare to try any of 'em though, you know, in case the Queen of England calls or something.

small one

Good, very good

GreenCloud

cool, several there i hadn't heard before

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"Boy, I like that echo... goes right through my head... I had that happen once, but it was chemically induced...." - Steve Earle

moose

i am definitely changing my message...

The_Dude

i'll try that last one

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MexicanOnABike

HIGH-LARIOUS!

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zaiaz

Riiinnnnngggg, Riiiiinnnnng. Hello, "is Kevin there"-- "No he's out to lunch, would you like to leave a message?" "No, thats ok I'll call back later."

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Reese

I tried the prank call one.. When I said Hey this is mike have I got any messages? He went off on me telling me not to give his phone number out to everyone and he wasn't my personally secretary.. that was funny as hell

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Hycdubg

The funniest one to do is start your recording with how you normally answer your phone and then pause. People will think you answered and start talking! Then a few seconds into their speech, you go "I can't come to the phone right now...yatta yatta" and you'll hear them go D'oh!

It's priceless.

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Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay.

-The Long Kiss Goodnight_

JStrider

i was gonna say the same thing Hycdubg its always funny to do that to people... my sister sets up my and my families ansering machines to do that

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-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

warrrreagl

Good ones, all.

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unoaman

I love the "Hello", then a silence, then "please leave a message"...My fiancee uses that one, and it gets them nearly everytime it is really a person, and not a damn recording calling her.

Mine used to have her saying in a very sexy voice "Larry can't come to the phone right now, he's kinda tied up.........But I can go untie him if you really need to talk to him"

unoaman

Well crap...didn't mean to do that one twice...and this isn't a message!

Dilbert1234567

nice set, is a keeper

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Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

Kazic

Simply hilarious. I am gonna use this one all the time.


Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)

__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man
affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in
darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening
to repetitive electronic music."
-Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

vector_1979

I'm going to buy an answering machine!

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mew

lol awsome, ive been looking for something like this I could use for my voicemail-thanks!

korngoood

Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)


I'v had this done to me and if you find someone dumb like me it'll work and you can get rid of who ever called ya

brikellxx

these are great, nice post

small one

Shall have to try those

Eviltree

a message:

"Hello?.... hello?... hello?.....hello?
well, I'm not here right now so leave a message"

carrot glace

the third one is too long to be a message

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prb

These are really good. I will print and use. Anyone got more?