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Old 04-26-2003, 07:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
cchris's Avatar
 
Location: Sydney
Getting more out of your answering machine.

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.


I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.


You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.


Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message and if I don't call back, it's you.


This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is supercilious.


"I'm home right now . . . I'm just screening my calls. So just start talking and if you're someone I want to speak to I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?


Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.


Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)


Dial some number at random. Ask: "May I speak to Kevin? Oh, wrong number? Could you please tell him that his pizza is ready?". Hang up.

Dial the same number again 15 minutes later. In a different voice: "May I speak to Kevin? Oh, wrong number? Could you please tell him that John called?". Hang up.

Repeat 10 times. On the eleventh: "Hi, this is Kevin. Did I get any messages?"
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Old 04-26-2003, 08:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Heh, I like the fridge one. Time to go change my answering machine message!
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Old 04-27-2003, 04:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Voted the Best
Re: Getting more out of your answering machine.

Quote:
Originally posted by cchris
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message and if I don't call back, it's you.
LOL - I'm going to be using this one
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Old 04-27-2003, 04:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: midwest
some good ones here, thanks
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Old 04-27-2003, 05:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
Psycho
 
nice ones
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Detroit
woot some ones i havent heard before
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Old 04-27-2003, 10:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Montreal
Some good ones there, <b>cchris</b>, thanks!
I dunno if I dare to try any of 'em though, you know, in case the Queen of England calls or something.
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Old 04-27-2003, 10:44 AM   #8 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: York
Good, very good
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Old 04-27-2003, 12:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Boone, NC
cool, several there i hadn't heard before
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Old 04-27-2003, 06:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
Crazy
 
i am definitely changing my message...
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Old 04-27-2003, 06:38 PM   #11 (permalink)
The GrandDaddy of them all!
 
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Location: Austin, TX
i'll try that last one
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Old 04-27-2003, 07:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Location: up north
HIGH-LARIOUS!
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Old 04-28-2003, 04:55 AM   #13 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
Riiinnnnngggg, Riiiiinnnnng. Hello, "is Kevin there"-- "No he's out to lunch, would you like to leave a message?" "No, thats ok I'll call back later."
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Old 04-28-2003, 06:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
Delicious
 
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I tried the prank call one.. When I said Hey this is mike have I got any messages? He went off on me telling me not to give his phone number out to everyone and he wasn't my personally secretary.. that was funny as hell
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Old 04-28-2003, 07:11 AM   #15 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Up my ass
The funniest one to do is start your recording with how you normally answer your phone and then pause. People will think you answered and start talking! Then a few seconds into their speech, you go "I can't come to the phone right now...yatta yatta" and you'll hear them go D'oh!

It's priceless.
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Old 04-28-2003, 07:45 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: The Woodlands, TX
i was gonna say the same thing Hycdubg its always funny to do that to people... my sister sets up my and my families ansering machines to do that
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Old 04-28-2003, 07:59 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Good ones, all.
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Old 07-20-2004, 12:05 PM   #18 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Scenic Drive
I love the "Hello", then a silence, then "please leave a message"...My fiancee uses that one, and it gets them nearly everytime it is really a person, and not a damn recording calling her.

Mine used to have her saying in a very sexy voice "Larry can't come to the phone right now, he's kinda tied up.........But I can go untie him if you really need to talk to him"
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Old 07-20-2004, 12:10 PM   #19 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Scenic Drive
Well crap...didn't mean to do that one twice...and this isn't a message!
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Old 07-20-2004, 07:46 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Location: Central Coast CA
nice set,
Quote:
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message and if I don't call back, it's you.
is a keeper
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Old 07-20-2004, 08:47 PM   #21 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Fortress of Solitude
Simply hilarious. I am gonna use this one all the time.


Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)
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Old 07-21-2004, 01:01 PM   #22 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: In a Caddy Shack
I'm going to buy an answering machine!
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Old 07-25-2004, 06:27 PM   #23 (permalink)
mew
Psycho
 
Location: Canada
lol awsome, ive been looking for something like this I could use for my voicemail-thanks!
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Old 07-27-2004, 08:27 PM   #24 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: PA
Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)


I'v had this done to me and if you find someone dumb like me it'll work and you can get rid of who ever called ya
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Old 07-27-2004, 09:58 PM   #25 (permalink)
Junkie
 
these are great, nice post
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Old 07-30-2004, 12:50 AM   #26 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: York
Shall have to try those
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Old 07-30-2004, 02:01 PM   #27 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: British Columbia
a message:

"Hello?.... hello?... hello?.....hello?
well, I'm not here right now so leave a message"
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Old 07-30-2004, 11:11 PM   #28 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Location: orange county
the third one is too long to be a message
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Old 08-04-2004, 11:24 AM   #29 (permalink)
prb
Psycho
 
These are really good. I will print and use. Anyone got more?
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