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Old 04-28-2003, 08:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
pinche vato
warrrreagl's Avatar
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Queen's English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as 'Euro-English'. In the first year 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'C' will be dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgraseful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor truble or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
Living is easy with eyes closed.
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Old 04-28-2003, 08:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
scroungrat's Avatar
Hmm, what to say in a signature?
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Old 04-28-2003, 09:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
Reese's Avatar
ya know.. thats the way all languages should be taught. Very easy to understand

hahah good joke.
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry
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Old 04-28-2003, 11:19 AM   #4 (permalink)
no german, they will find a way to sneak it in.
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Old 04-28-2003, 07:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
Location: under a rock
very funny.
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Old 04-29-2003, 08:33 AM   #6 (permalink)
Location: Boone, NC
somehow reminds me newspeak.... good idea for a joke someone had though
"Boy, I like that echo... goes right through my head... I had that happen once, but it was chemically induced...." - Steve Earle
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Old 04-29-2003, 08:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
One of the best jokes in a long time...=)
It`s better to regret things you did, than the things you didn`t.
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Old 05-04-2003, 01:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
Location: Toronto
I really do believe that there should be one master language for all the world. Not that I'm a nazi or something.
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Old 05-04-2003, 03:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
Go faster!
DEI37's Avatar
Location: Wisconsin
Mmm...Nazi good...oh wait...did I say that out loud? Crap. Anyways, yes, a master language would be nice. So long as it's some southern drawl or sumtin' like dat.
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Old 05-04-2003, 04:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
Location: RI
Heh, I remember something like this awhile ago about learning chinese this way, good joke though.
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Old 05-04-2003, 04:50 PM   #11 (permalink)
Location: Pullman, WA
Started to sound like the way a few people I know actually speak.
Go Cougs!
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Old 05-04-2003, 07:23 PM   #12 (permalink)
Jesus Freak
Location: Following the light...
Reminds me of a professor I had last semester. He was from Europe and all his 'th' words were pronouced with 'z'.
"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"
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Old 05-04-2003, 07:28 PM   #13 (permalink)
Inspired by the mind's eye.
mirevolver's Avatar
Location: Between the darkness and the light.
lets just forego the whole process and learn german
Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions.
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Old 05-05-2003, 04:30 AM   #14 (permalink)
zonds gud to me -- a vew zmal sakrifises to the englich iz a fair trad to kep uz from spaching german. Vait, zis sonds a lot lich german eh?
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Old 05-05-2003, 10:45 AM   #15 (permalink)
forgotten_dream's Avatar
heh heh. Sneaky germans! >_<
"A ouija board just works better if you've made it yourself. It's sortof like how 'Clue' is more interesting when one of you has actually killed someone."
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Old 05-05-2003, 06:33 PM   #16 (permalink)
Location: British Columbia
I jost had an email vis dat same sing, it vos very amusink
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Old 05-05-2003, 07:00 PM   #17 (permalink)
Location: Montreal
Heh heh, clever one, thanks!
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Old 05-07-2003, 12:52 PM   #18 (permalink)
Location: SWLA
ziss izz vondurfull..
You cannot trick a bear... he knows a meal when he sees one.
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Old 05-07-2003, 12:56 PM   #19 (permalink)
very clever i like it
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english, queen

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