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Old 04-28-2003, 11:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Job Application

This is the job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's:

NAME: Greg

SEX: Not yet. Still looking.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place, would I?

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options. If that's not possible,
make an offer (any offer) and we can haggle.

LAST POSITION HELD: A target for middle management hostility.

EDUCATION: Yes, but it doesn't seem to be paying off.

LAST SALARY: Way less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, with a
half-hour break around 2:00 p.m.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment and I don't like to get caught doing them at work.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no; on my breaks, yes; substance - I rather not
say.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread.
Who am I kidding, I'd like to be doing that right now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Pisces.
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Old 04-28-2003, 11:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
Tilted
 
I to wish my car ran
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Old 04-28-2003, 11:43 AM   #3 (permalink)
Addict
 
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Location: Nor Cal
McDonalds would hire him, thats the sad part.
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Old 04-28-2003, 12:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
pinche vato
 
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Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
He's too advanced for Burger King.
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Old 04-28-2003, 01:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
Ding! Fries are done
Ding! Fries are done
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Old 04-28-2003, 02:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Up my ass
This man should be writing a humor column for some newspaper. Genius!! I never would have thought of most of those.
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Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay.

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Old 04-28-2003, 03:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Boone, NC
man, at least he's creative... we laugh at a lot of the applications we get at subway, but the people aren't trying to be funny, just stupid.... like one we got last week, she left of half of it blank, and for the one previous job she put down, under "reason for leaving," her answer was, "movin, pregnint" (yes that was how she spelled it)... and, um to try and put it nicely, she wasn't exactly dressed for a job interview: super-skimpy shorts, a top she was about to fall out of - not in a sexy way, just trashy - and a ton of makeup.
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Old 05-03-2003, 09:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: Sydney
Aim high and you will recieve
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Old 05-03-2003, 09:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
Inspired by the mind's eye.
 
mirevolver's Avatar
 
Location: Between the darkness and the light.
What are you talking about, everybody working at McDonalds put that on their application.
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Old 05-03-2003, 10:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
Jesus Freak
 
Location: Following the light...
Very Funny! He's very creative. I woulnd't have thought of half of those if I was trying to be funny. Hopefully he got the job for being so funny.
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Old 05-03-2003, 10:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
Upright
 
Thats very funny
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