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Old 05-01-2003, 11:04 AM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Questions to South Africa tourist bureau

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism
Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV,
so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

Q:Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
Aepends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a
list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa?
(USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is
the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh
forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow.
Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Qo you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.


Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South
African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good
pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.


Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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Old 05-01-2003, 11:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
pinche vato
 
warrrreagl's Avatar
 
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Those are all good. Had heard some before, but not all.
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Old 05-01-2003, 12:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Heh heh. Good stuff. ^_^
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Old 05-01-2003, 04:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
Essen meine kurze Hosen
 
Location: NY Burbs
Good. Gotta pass this on to my S.A. friend.
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Old 05-01-2003, 05:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Boone, NC
that was great, thanks for the post
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Old 05-03-2003, 09:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Sydney
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Ha ha
What a great list
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Old 05-03-2003, 10:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
Jesus Freak
 
Location: Following the light...
hahaha! Now there's a guy who knows how to deal with supidity!
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