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Old 01-21-2004, 12:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: northamptonshire
Peter Kays Universal Truths

Laughed so much doing the first post had to include this one

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.


4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator.
6) Everyone reading this who didn't grow up in the 80's will have just
typed 55378008 into a calculator, some might have turned it upside down.


7) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
8) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
9) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.>
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad

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Computers allow us to make more mistakes at a faster rate than any other man-made thing, with the exception of handguns and tequila.

[/QUOTE=BAMF]Do they role a die, with a 1/3 chance of being flacid?[/QUOTE]
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Old 01-21-2004, 01:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
In Your Dreams
 
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Location: City of Lights
Hilarious. I liked this one more than the other one..

Quote:
Originally posted by aphex140

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
That's happened to me before.. I HATE that hehe.
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Old 01-21-2004, 01:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: I am not living.
Quote:
Originally posted by aphex140

8) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
I do that all the time.
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Old 01-21-2004, 01:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: auckland, nz
Quote:
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
I can't say I have, but I will now.
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Old 01-21-2004, 04:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
pretty good, and fairly universal, though the smell of a wet cat just plain stinks...
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Old 01-21-2004, 05:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: Stillwater, OK
Hilarious stuff! So many of those are true...
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Old 01-21-2004, 06:18 AM   #7 (permalink)
Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while.
 
Location: wherever I am
Very good and very true.
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Old 01-21-2004, 08:11 AM   #8 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: uk
Peter Kay is rapidly becoming a comedy legend.
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Old 01-21-2004, 10:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
I don't understand this one:

Quote:
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
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Old 01-22-2004, 12:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: northamptonshire
folk lore has it that swan can break your arm with the strength in their wings.

WOuld not like to try and prove - disprove that one.
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Computers allow us to make more mistakes at a faster rate than any other man-made thing, with the exception of handguns and tequila.

[/QUOTE=BAMF]Do they role a die, with a 1/3 chance of being flacid?[/QUOTE]
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Old 01-22-2004, 08:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Awsome!
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Old 01-22-2004, 01:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Washington
ha ha

"The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity."

that's awesome.
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Old 01-22-2004, 04:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
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27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.



Oh god yes.
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Old 01-22-2004, 05:19 PM   #14 (permalink)
who ever said streaking was a bad thing?
 
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Location: Calgary
LMFAO.... its all funny... most of it has happened to me. Which is very scary.
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Old 01-25-2004, 08:09 AM   #15 (permalink)
Crazy
 
hahaha lovely list
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Old 01-25-2004, 10:51 AM   #16 (permalink)
back from sabbatical
 
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Location: Mosptopia
good stuff, thanks
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Old 01-25-2004, 06:02 PM   #17 (permalink)
Lost
 
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Location: Florida
Quote:
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.
Called my mom my teachers name before..
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Old 01-28-2004, 01:03 AM   #18 (permalink)
zomgomgomgomgomgomg
 
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Location: Fauxenix, Azerona
...awesome...
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twisted no more
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Old 01-29-2004, 02:56 AM   #19 (permalink)
She's Actual Size
 
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Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
Quote:
Originally posted by aphex140
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
They really, really do. Great list.
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Old 01-29-2004, 06:34 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I believe Peter Kay is guesting in Coronation Street (a soap opera) sometime this very week.

'Garlic bread? Garlic......bread?'
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Old 01-30-2004, 10:16 PM   #21 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: USA, Oregon
What makes that so funny is that a lot of that stuff has happened to me, and I can relate with it.
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Old 02-02-2004, 08:11 PM   #22 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: with the dust bunnies
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

guilty!

great list =)
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Old 02-05-2004, 07:50 PM   #23 (permalink)
I can't think of a good title
 
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Location: East Bay Area, CA
Oh man, that list is hilarious, I can identify with most of them.

I race against the flush occasionally but when I visit a new toilet, I always have to do it.
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Old 02-09-2004, 02:34 AM   #24 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Australia
That is great!
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Old 02-09-2004, 08:02 PM   #25 (permalink)
Upright
 
Sweet!
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Old 02-10-2004, 08:16 AM   #26 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: northamptonshire
still love it so will rate it
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Computers allow us to make more mistakes at a faster rate than any other man-made thing, with the exception of handguns and tequila.

[/QUOTE=BAMF]Do they role a die, with a 1/3 chance of being flacid?[/QUOTE]
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Old 02-10-2004, 08:25 AM   #27 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Philadelphia
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

True.
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Old 02-12-2004, 10:54 PM   #28 (permalink)
xim
Insane
 
Location: One with the Universe
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

i did this in forth grade
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:10 AM   #29 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: York
Laughed till tears ran down my legs
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Old 02-17-2004, 11:25 PM   #30 (permalink)
Hello, good evening, and bollocks.
 
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Location: near DC
that was funny, most of those do seem true. thanks for posting
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Old 02-19-2004, 10:42 AM   #31 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: Urf
Re: Peter Kays Universal Truths

Quote:
Originally posted by aphex140
8) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
I use a mechanical pencil. Does that make me effeminate .
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Old 02-19-2004, 02:05 PM   #32 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Quote:
Originally posted by Monre
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.



Oh god yes.
no shit....and along with the panic comes the thought "how am i going to explain this one?" or "i hope to god that we wont have to call the paramedics for this."
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Old 02-19-2004, 02:17 PM   #33 (permalink)
Crazy
 
i think the panic of having something stuck in your throat is probably one of the worst panic inducing moments possible;p
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