Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-02-2003, 10:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
Searching for the perfect brew!
 
Brewmaniac's Avatar
 
Cows & Politics Explained

Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to
your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So
what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You
feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your
cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you
voted
for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You

feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides
you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you
the
milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to
the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who
has
only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull,
and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the
milk
down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow
drops
dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You
then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass
the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them
again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership
with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American
corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
newsman
who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open
a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They
send
their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda

cute.
__________________
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"
Brewmaniac is offline  
Old 05-02-2003, 11:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
Essen meine kurze Hosen
 
Location: NY Burbs
I would add...


FREE AGENT: You have two cows. Despite the constant attention you pay them, there are frequent dry spells during which they don't give milk.

PINK SLIPPER: You have two cows. Suddenly they become a liability and you're forced to sell them on Ebay to pay your exorbitant rent.

DOT-COMMER: You have two cows. A week later you have two thousand cows. A week later you have none.

ENTREPRENEUR: You have two cows. You develop and launch tucows.com.

VENTURE CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You give them to the entrepreneur (see above).

CEO: You think you have two cows. You actually have two sheep, but no one's got the guts to tell you.

ANGEL INVESTOR: You have two cows. You give one to a start-up. The cow produces no milk. You exercise your exit option and get your cow back.

START-UP: You have two cows; your press release describes that as an IPO fast track.

START-UP II v2: You have two cows and 20 million in funding. Publicly you promise 50 million gallons a year within two years, but privately you're still debating where the udders are and what they do.

DESIGNER: You have two cows. You move the udders to the side and paint them fluorescent yellow, hoping that will make the milking process more intuitive and fun.

PROGRAMMER: You have two cows. One keeps tipping over, yet nobody is pushing it. The other fails to yield any milk, despite being in good health. You spend nearly every waking minute trying to determine what is wrong with your cows and fixing them.

FILE SHARERS: You have two cows. You share clones of them with all the other herders in the pasture. The courts order the pasture closed for violating the copyright laws.

3D ARTISTS: We make our cows from scratch. They do what we want.

OPEN SOURCE: You have two cows. You invite other herders to improve your cows. You have two cows that are better than before.

GEORGE W. BUSH: One of your daddy's friends gives you two cows.

NATIVE AMERICAN: You don't own two cows.

BUDDHIST: You are two cows.

ZEN: There are no cows.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
__________________
Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net.
platypus is offline  
Old 05-02-2003, 12:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Canada
LOL
manias is offline  
Old 05-02-2003, 08:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
lascivious
 
Mantus's Avatar
 
I'd just eat them

Good Post
Mantus is offline  
 

Tags
cows, explained, politics

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:14 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360