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Old 02-14-2004, 10:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
KellyC's Avatar
Location: Home sweet home
Stoner's version of creation story.

In the beginning:

Day 1.
God: Whoaaaaa dudeee. I'm bored. There should be like stuff around here.
-and heaven and earth poped up
God: there should be something else to this too dudee...
-God snaps his finger and light turned on.
God: Dude! Sweeeeet. There should be like some thing opposite to this light thing.
-And darkness appears.
God: Whoa! There should be like some sort of names for light and dark. Uhhhh..OK! Light is day, and dark is night. I'm so brilliant dudeee.

Day 2.
God: This is pretty cool. Ok..i should like name my first creation. Ok the top one is "heaven" the bottom one is "earth." Whoaaa...get a room you two, you guys are like too close to each other.
-Heaven moves up, earth moves down. Air in the middle. Kick ass!

Day 3.
God: Back to work on this creating thing...Ok..there should be a bunch water under heaven and like, stay in one place please. I can't look after all of you if you move around.
-And water appeared under the heaven.
God: Sweeeeet. This water thing is too wet though. there should be something other than water and it should be dry.
-And land rises out of the water.
God: Ok..i'm gonna call water "seas" and the land "earth" Sweeeeet.

Day 4.
God: Boooring....there should be like some light bulbs on the heaven. Yeahh mannn..One for day, and one for night.
-Sun and moon appeared.
God:Ok dude..I'm gonna call the light bulb for day "sun" and the one for night "moon." They should also work as a sign for the seasons and years too.

God: The heaven looks empty-ish..there should be like something to decorate this place up a little. I know! "One hundred billion, ka-jillion, ba-lillion, shepsdafaosdfuhw mini light bulbs which I shall call 'stars' " *while talking, forms fist with extended pinky and puts it near the mouth like Dr. Evil*
-And infinite amount of stars pops up.
God: OmG I'm so cool. Hey! I AM God. LOL

Day 5.
God: All that water and nothing....Aiite...I'm gonna put some living things in there. And there should be some flying things above the earth too....yeahhhh
-Fishes flourished under the ocean and birds soars over the sky.
God: Dont forget to "shag" and have lots of babies dudees!!

God: Damn! Almost forgot about the earth. there should also be like some animals inhabiting the earth. They'll shag like crazy and create offsprings after their own image too.
-and animal began to fill up the earth.
God: Pretty kewl man

Day 6.
God: Every thing is pretty kewl now. I'm still bored...Need a "dude" friend...
-So he create the first man out of dust from the earth after his own image. Some of the dust got into God's nostril and he sneezed at the man. The man is now a living dude.
God: I'll call you--*sneeze* "Ahhh Damnn!"
-First man is know as Adam hence forth.
Adam: Oh whoaaaa..Hi uhh..big dude.....in white.
God: Oh dude!! You can talk.
Adam: *looking up* You're hugeeeeee!! What you been eating mannn?
God: I'll tell you later. I'm tired now..time to catch some ZzzZZ's

Day 7.
-God rests. "Ah Damn" explores the new garden God made for him. God call that garden "Eden." Some pretty nice stuff in that there place.
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.
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Old 02-16-2004, 01:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
phathom's Avatar
OMG I love this one, this is exactly how I want to teach it to my kids when I have em, no doubt they'll understand that, rather than all that biblical talk.
-snooch to the nooch
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Old 02-17-2004, 12:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
forgotten_dream's Avatar
"Adam: *looking up* You're hugeeeeee!! What you been eating mannn?"

heh. Why wasn't that part in the bible?
"A ouija board just works better if you've made it yourself. It's sortof like how 'Clue' is more interesting when one of you has actually killed someone."
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Old 02-26-2004, 09:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
Location: British Columbia
aweeeesome dudeeee!
Eviltree is offline  
Old 02-27-2004, 04:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
Location: ?
ok, now I know how it happend.
wish you were here
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Old 02-27-2004, 05:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
Minion of the scalÚd ones
Tophat665's Avatar
Location: Northeast Jesusland
1 Yeah, and so it was that on the first day, the Lord did awake, and peer about him, and saw that there was neither light nor food, and so he spake, "Bummer," and rolled he over and again slumbered.

2 And so it was too on the second day. 3 And the Third, and fourth and fifth. 4 And for many days thereafter. 5 Until the fourscore and two days had passed, and, lo! so had the buzz of the Lord. 6 And He groped about Him in the darkess that eightysecond day, seeking seeking His stash, yea, and his pipe, and too, his lighter. 7 But they came not to His grasp

8 For they were not there as the Lord had been in session amongst immortals of great appetites. 9 Yeah, so had Garcia, the one who is also called Jerryberry, slipped into the pocket of his overalls the stash of the Lord, 10 and Keith who was later called Richards had left to find the Lord's WC with the Lord's Pipe beteen his teeth, 11 and the Flame of the Lord, which is also called Zi'Ppo, lighting his way about the Lord's mansion (which has many rooms, but surprisingly few bathrooms.)

12 And the Lord, in his great anguish, did speak into the void. 13 "Shit!" he spake, 14 and "This fucking sucks!" too did he say, 15 "Let there be a Medamned light switch!" 16 And there was. 17 And the Lord did flip that switch, and forgetting that it was nearly the eighty third day, the Lord called it the first. 18 And it was good, but a bit to bright.

19 And the Lord did squint...

(To be continued. Maybe.)
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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creation, stoner, story, version

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