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Old 05-05-2003, 03:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
Searching for the perfect brew!
 
Brewmaniac's Avatar
 
McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card Info

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell-Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor.

The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the web_department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read, too).
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out
the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.

1. Title

[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name: .............................................
Initial: ........
Last Name:..............................................
Password: .......................... (max. 8 char)
Code Name:.............................................
GPS Position : ...................... (Latitude-Longitude-Altitude)

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-18 Hornet
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] AV-8B Harrier
[_] V-22 Osprey

[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
......./......./......

4. Serial Number: .........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift/aid package
[_] Catalogue/showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Reassembled from smuggled parts
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_ ] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend/relative/ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style/appearance
[_] Speed/maneuverability
[_] Price/value
[_] Comfort/convenience
[_] Kickback/bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
[_] Stinger Missile

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply

[_] Communist/Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive/Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's checks

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales/marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister/General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

[_] Golf
[_] Boating/sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running/jogging
[_] Propaganda/misinformation
[_] Destabilization/overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market/smuggling
[_] Collectibles/collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation/torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage/reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

_ _ _ _ _

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a fully-restored F-4 Phantom in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT:
This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, orunsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs.
If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly)and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

Unless the word "absquatulation" has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals or aliens were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the pit bull next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.

If you have received this email in error, please add some egg whites and nutmeg, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

Sure, you can TRUST the Gov't. Ask any Indian.
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Old 05-05-2003, 03:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
Crazy
 
kipperoo3's Avatar
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
This is hilarious! Thanks for posting it!
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Old 05-05-2003, 03:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
Without Wings
 
frozenstellar's Avatar
 
Location: Australia
lol.. thats great

reminds me of the redneck/tasmanian application form for health insurance (i think.. cant remember that far back)
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Old 05-05-2003, 03:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
eli
Upright
 
Location: Toronto, Canada
really really hillarious/....thanks
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Old 05-05-2003, 04:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
Upright
 
funny! i loved it!
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Old 05-05-2003, 06:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: British Columbia
I bet they were in trouble
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Old 05-05-2003, 08:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Montreal
That's funny whether it's authentic or not. Thanks for posting!
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Old 05-06-2003, 04:59 AM   #8 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Drifting.
rofl... that really is a classic.

great post, and thank you very much for sharing
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Old 05-06-2003, 05:27 AM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
that's pretty funny -- hard to believe it's genuine, but funny nonetheless
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Old 05-06-2003, 05:29 AM   #10 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Maryland
Great one!
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Old 05-06-2003, 06:01 AM   #11 (permalink)
Psycho
 
zaiaz's Avatar
 
Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
WOW talk about customer satisfaction.
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Old 05-06-2003, 09:28 AM   #12 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
I heard that the guy who posted it was shortly fired... or was it he was on his way out when he posted it... I can't remember.
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Old 05-06-2003, 06:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
Squid
 
MikeyChalupa's Avatar
 
Location: USS George Washington
Awesome! Although I've seen the "disclaimer" in other places before, with minor tweaks, like the type of dog living on borrowed time. Absquatulation is always there, though

-Mikey
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Old 05-06-2003, 06:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
Junkie
 
SirLance's Avatar
 
Location: In the middle of the desert.
I can't decide which is funnier, 12 or 13...
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Old 05-06-2003, 09:18 PM   #15 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Somewhere between heaven and hell.
Absolutely classic. Especially 13, the greatest number of all.
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