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Old 04-18-2004, 07:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
It wasnt me
 
tekaweni's Avatar
 
Location: Scotland
Its great to be a guy

Ive seen most of these before, but never so many in a single list..

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on
every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere
you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that
everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can
still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the
room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is
coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours
without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover
is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to
look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this
one's just too skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are
wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your
back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's
population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's Sports Center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the
bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't
tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k
it!"
88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you
might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not
in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a
hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and
anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with
them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice
anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere.
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Old 04-18-2004, 08:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
Crazy
 
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k
it!"

Story of my life! Great list too!
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Old 04-18-2004, 08:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
who ever said streaking was a bad thing?
 
streak_56's Avatar
 
Location: Calgary
Quote:
Originally posted by MadHatder
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k
it!"

Story of my life! Great list too!

Mine too..... thats one of the best on there I think
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Old 04-18-2004, 11:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
Upright
 
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and
anniversaries.


ahh true true, but when you do.


24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.




anyways... cool list.
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Old 04-18-2004, 12:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: england
its good to be the man
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Old 04-18-2004, 02:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
Metal and Rock 4 Life
 
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Location: Phoenix
so, so, so many of them hit me pretty well.
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Old 04-18-2004, 04:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
can't help but laugh
 
irateplatypus's Avatar
 
Location: dar al-harb
wow, a full 100 reasons. thanks for the compilation.

#92 has actually occurred... as scary as that is.
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~ Winston Churchill
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Old 04-18-2004, 06:05 PM   #8 (permalink)
Junkie
 
cchris's Avatar
 
Location: Sydney
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

Ever.
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Old 04-19-2004, 09:49 AM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: In a van, down by the river
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.

Hahah my favorite.
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Old 04-19-2004, 10:00 AM   #10 (permalink)
Untitled
Guest
 
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

How is this positive?
 
Old 04-19-2004, 10:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Homey_V's Avatar
 
Location: Canada
Really, how isnt it positive?
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Old 04-19-2004, 11:44 AM   #12 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
CSflim's Avatar
 
Location: Ireland
Quote:
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
I for one, can't fucking wait!
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Old 04-19-2004, 07:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: British Columbia
Quote:
Originally posted by tekaweni

93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a
hammer and throw it across the room.

That one is the best! Its great to be a male. There's a Calvin cartoon where he says that, but I can't find any links.
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Old 04-19-2004, 08:36 PM   #14 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Lubbock, TX
That list is great.
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Old 04-19-2004, 11:39 PM   #15 (permalink)
Newlywed
 
sillygirl's Avatar
 
Location: at home
Quote:
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
Okay seriously, I laughed out loud when I read this. Does that mean I'm going to hell??
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Old 04-19-2004, 11:40 PM   #16 (permalink)
Devils Cabana Boy
 
Dilbert1234567's Avatar
 
Location: Central Coast CA
yes you can sit next to me on the bus

I CALL WINDOW!
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Old 04-20-2004, 12:51 AM   #17 (permalink)
is KING!
 
bparker805's Avatar
 
Location: On the path to Valhalla.
#60 is my personal credo! Thanks for the rebuttal to the womans' list!
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