Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-22-2004, 06:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: The Great White North
Some Airplane Humour

A pilot gets on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and says to the passengers, "Folks, welcome aboard flight sevn-eight-nine to Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five thousand feet, and expect to land in an hour and a half. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight."

He forgets to turn his microphone off, and turns to his co-pilot, yawns, and says, "Why don't you take over for awhile? I'm going to take me a big, healthy shit, and then I'm gonna go fuck the brains out of that pretty blonde flight attendant working back in coach."

His announcement goes out over the whole plane. The pretty blonde flight attendant back in coach hears it and exclaims, "Oh my God!" and starts running toward the cockpit .

An old lady sitting in one of the aisle seats stops her and says, "Relax honey. He said he's gotta take a shit first."

- courtesy of Drew Carey's book "Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined" - not a bad read, if you like that sort of thing
scotty is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 07:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
 
Speed_Gibson's Avatar
 
Location: right here of course
sounds like a funny book
__________________
Started talking to yourself I see.
Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation.

Black Adder
Speed_Gibson is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 01:49 AM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: York
Must read the book!
small one is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 04:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
I and I
 
Location: Stillwater, OK
Nice one!
Gortexfogg is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 04:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Florida
I've always heard it as the pilot saying "I could really go for a coffee and a blowjob right about now." Flight attendant runs toward the cockpit to shut him up, a passenger says "Wait miss, you forgot the coffee!"
irseg is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 08:07 AM   #6 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Flying over your house
heh
__________________
I can't believe I ate the whole thing!
tkkfan is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 12:50 PM   #7 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
Crack's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio! yay!
didn't they tell this joke in "Good Will Hunting"?
In the bar or in the doctors office or somewhere...
__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx
Crack is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 04:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: england
have to get a copy of that book
__________________
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Catherine Zandonella
flagpole is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 05:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Chicago
Ok, I'm full of these ones, being around pilots every day of the year.

On the ground in Frankfurt, Germany: *In German* "Luftansa 1234 would like to pick up taxi clearance"
ATC (Air Traffic Control): *In English from now on* "Luftansa 1234, please repeat request in English"
Luftansa: "Why should I speak in English, I'm a German, flying a German plane, for a German airline, in Germany!"
Unknown pilot with a British accent: "Because you lost the bloody war!"

Another German airplane joke:
United 789 is pulling off the runway in Berlin
ATC: "United 789, taxi to ramp X gate 21"
United: "We'll taxi to ramp X gate 21"
United airplane sits there for a minute or two
ATC: "United 789, what's taking so long?!"
United: "We're just getting our taxi chart out, it'll be just a second"
ATC: "Haven't you been to Berlin before?!"
United: "Ah yes, once in 1940, but I didn't stop"
__________________
I prefer desert wines to dessert wines.

Dry and red
joemc91 is offline  
 

Tags
airplane, humour

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:38 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360