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Old 04-23-2004, 10:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
Baby photographer

Baby photographer

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should
be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've
come to......
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of
babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
is fun too..... you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and
me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm
sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing
to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when
the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your
um...equipment?
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we can get to work."
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big
for me to hold very long. ..... Madam? ..... Madam? ...... Good Lord,
she's fainted!"
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Old 04-24-2004, 04:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
Go faster!
 
DEI37's Avatar
 
Location: Wisconsin
This is a damn classic! Thanks for the good laugh.
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Old 04-24-2004, 12:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
I and I
 
Location: Stillwater, OK
Hilarious stuff!
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Old 04-24-2004, 04:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: uk
Quality, heard it before but great to be reminded.
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Old 04-24-2004, 04:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: england
heheh, classic
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Old 04-25-2004, 07:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
HLP
Crazy
 
Best clean dirty joke Ive heard in a while! another goodie I have to tell my friends
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Old 04-26-2004, 01:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
Very nicely related.....very humorously written....I liked it very much...
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Old 04-26-2004, 01:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
zomgomgomgomgomgomg
 
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Location: Fauxenix, Azerona
excellent writing :-)
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Old 05-02-2004, 12:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
Psycho
 
a classic
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Old 05-02-2004, 09:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: too far from Texas
that is hilarious!
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Old 05-04-2004, 01:02 PM   #11 (permalink)
no one special
 
japhyryder's Avatar
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
that is great!!!
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Old 05-04-2004, 01:04 PM   #12 (permalink)
paranoid
 
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Location: The Netherlands
very nice!
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