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Old 04-25-2004, 12:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
Conversations NOT to have with your wife

This is why it's not advisable to have a conversation with your wife while eating dinner...just remain silent,and nod politely at whatever she says, regardless how stupid or inane her comments are

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "Shit."
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Old 04-25-2004, 02:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
Flavor+noodles
 
qtpye4u84's Avatar
 
Location: oregon
aaaaaahahahahahahahahahah LoL I thought that was very funny and cute!!!!!!
JUst say uhuh babe, uhuh babe to every thing then she will know your not listening, then she will tell you that your not listening,then you tell her sorry, you were thinking of her naked or something then she might not bother you lol and you wont have to talk about what she wants lol.(works on me)
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Old 04-25-2004, 04:03 AM   #3 (permalink)
Once upon a time...
 
ROFL, good one
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Old 04-25-2004, 06:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Side splitting
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Old 04-25-2004, 08:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
HAHAHAHAHHA!
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Old 04-25-2004, 09:24 AM   #6 (permalink)
A boy and his dog
 
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Location: EU!
Excellent.
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Old 04-25-2004, 02:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
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Location: Home sweet home
Men can never win...
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Old 04-25-2004, 10:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
If you've read this, PM me and say so
 
Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?
LMAO
I didnt get that at first
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Old 04-26-2004, 12:19 AM   #9 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Texas
lol.. funny
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Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law is both.
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Such is the Rule of Honor.
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Old 04-26-2004, 12:22 AM   #10 (permalink)
R3d
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Location: Sask, Canada
LOL nice one
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Old 04-26-2004, 01:40 AM   #11 (permalink)
Sexy eh?
 
Location: Sweden
Lol perfect!
What a slip.
Great joke!
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Old 04-26-2004, 03:39 AM   #12 (permalink)
‹ber-Rookie
 
Location: No longer, D.C
very nice joke didn't see that ending coming.
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Old 04-26-2004, 04:04 AM   #13 (permalink)
I and I
 
Location: Stillwater, OK
Nice one!
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Old 04-26-2004, 08:25 AM   #14 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: too far from Texas
vintage!
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Old 04-26-2004, 12:58 PM   #15 (permalink)
Psycho
 
zaiaz's Avatar
 
Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
Damn!....I hate when that happens but the best way to bust someone is to ask them when they are sleeping. I know because I do it all the time.
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Old 04-26-2004, 04:08 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: TucsoN , ARizonA
haha, good times, now only to have that played out in a scene of a movie...heh, fun fun
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Old 04-28-2004, 01:57 AM   #17 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: York
Foot in it
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Old 05-02-2004, 12:02 PM   #18 (permalink)
Psycho
 
good one
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Old 05-02-2004, 04:31 PM   #19 (permalink)
Upright
 
lol! I like it .
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Old 05-03-2004, 12:20 AM   #20 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: In Transition
Nice one...
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Old 05-03-2004, 12:24 AM   #21 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: In Transition
Always some good stuff

Sorry... trying to post to other thread
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Old 05-03-2004, 04:23 PM   #22 (permalink)
Beware the Mad Irish
 
Blackthorn's Avatar
 
Location: Wish I was on the N17...
Now that's HYSTERICAL!!!
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Old 05-03-2004, 04:39 PM   #23 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
lol yeah that sounds accurate....what he should have said was...."no one could ever replace you, after you, i don't think that i could ever love another person. After all.... with you, i already have perfection, anything else would be a step back" come on boys...it's not that hard. While i don't recommend this obvious of a cliche...something along those lines, as long as you mean it...works like a charm
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Old 05-08-2004, 05:01 AM   #24 (permalink)
Insane
 
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hehehe ~ very funny!
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Old 05-09-2004, 11:15 PM   #25 (permalink)
Upright
 
I actually tried something similar with my wife today just for kicks. the script suffered a bit but she got pissed. boy, she got pissed.

i then showed her the post and she calmed down a bit.

what is with you women???? cant you talk a joke???
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Old 05-10-2004, 04:26 AM   #26 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Australia
I like that one. Will try it on the wife. Never know might get lucky
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Old 05-10-2004, 09:20 AM   #27 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: with Rubyee
open mouth,
insert foot
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The rug
it really tied the room together
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Old 05-26-2004, 04:45 AM   #28 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Cenozoic Era
hehehehehe
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Old 05-26-2004, 06:08 AM   #29 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Missouri
Great joke or is this a true story?
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Old 05-29-2004, 10:16 AM   #30 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: USA, Oregon
LOL, thats a good one, very funny.
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Old 05-29-2004, 09:33 PM   #31 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Aliso Viejo, California
LOL nice
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Old 05-30-2004, 09:16 AM   #32 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: born in vietnam, lost in california
still funny after reading it so many times. thanks!
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Old 05-30-2004, 06:41 PM   #33 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Where hockey pucks run rampant
Frickin' sweet.

Though, during the silence part you left out the "wife with frickin' laser beam eyes" part.
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Old 05-30-2004, 07:29 PM   #34 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: University of North Carolina at Greensboro
Haha. That's a pretty funny one.
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Old 05-31-2004, 08:06 AM   #35 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Maryland
You gotta love a guy that plans ahead!!
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expect the unexpected
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Old 06-05-2004, 03:22 PM   #36 (permalink)
It wasnt me
 
tekaweni's Avatar
 
Location: Scotland
<b>HUSBAND: "Shit."</b>

yeah!
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Old 06-07-2004, 01:40 PM   #37 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: SF BAY AREA
Being a golfer I heard a similar version of that one but its a CLASSIC...
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Old 06-10-2004, 04:21 PM   #38 (permalink)
Upright
 
Yes! I love it
great post
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Old 06-10-2004, 09:19 PM   #39 (permalink)
Junkie
 
that's a great one, thanks
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Old 06-13-2004, 08:10 PM   #40 (permalink)
Tilted
 
good one
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