Gender procedures for ATMs - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Racer · 10-25-2004, 04:43 PM

I apologize in advance for this being sexist, but I think it's funny!

Gender procedures for ATMs

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing
new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash
without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research,
MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside of
the back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place and into the slot
provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting
behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

Paradise Lost · 10-25-2004, 05:59 PM

So so true.... *runs away before he dies*

witmol · 10-25-2004, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Racer

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

Haha that was good.

KinkyKiwi · 10-25-2004, 10:10 PM

*sideways glance* hey..we don't all *starts applying lipstick* blu blat...*puckers lips and smiles*

funny

thank you for your post

itch vaccine · 10-26-2004, 02:45 AM

Woo, glad I'm a male

it's so much shorter

FatherTed · 10-26-2004, 02:49 AM

Just emailed it to my wife.
Funny, she just replied telling me to cook my own meal tonight. - Wonder what that is all about??

WarriorBuddha · 10-26-2004, 08:15 AM

it's funny because it's true

ShaniFaye · 10-26-2004, 08:21 AM

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.

I admit I do this...but I have short arms

Chuckles · 10-26-2004, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Racer

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

hahahahaha this is so true

contain1 · 11-08-2004, 06:19 AM

ah so funny but wont share that one with my gf

LeviticusMky · 11-13-2004, 09:02 PM

"Release parking brake"

Good god this line had me cracking up. Perfect way to end the joke. Mine does that to her car all the time. So funny!

joeshoe · 11-14-2004, 02:54 AM

Haha, funny stuff. The "back up, retrieve card," and "drive two miles, release parking brake" were great.

CinnamonGirl · 11-14-2004, 02:35 PM

Quote:

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.

Hey, some of us are just really short

LIMilf · 11-14-2004, 03:30 PM

Hilarous!!! So true, I was behind a lady the other day doing almost this exact same thing. Ladies are good for only one thing...(insert your reason)

creon · 11-14-2004, 07:44 PM

thats freaking awesome... good job

BoltedDown · 11-14-2004, 09:22 PM

Oh man, now that was funny stuff....... unless of course my girlfriend is reading this. Then it is totally unacceptable.

...but still funny...

bbbbbb555 · 11-14-2004, 09:48 PM

that was a good one, it made me laugh

Ishmal · 11-18-2004, 12:14 AM

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

sounds typically female! JJ

10-25-2004, 04:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
Racer Upright Location: Pensacola	Gender procedures for ATMs I apologize in advance for this being sexist, but I think it's funny! Gender procedures for ATMs A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender." MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside of the back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place and into the slot provided. 23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.

10-25-2004, 10:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	sideways glance hey..we don't all starts applying lipstick blu blat...puckers lips and smiles funny thank you for your post __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

10-26-2004, 08:15 AM	#7 (permalink)
WarriorBuddha Crazy Location: Japan	it's funny because it's true __________________ Thockmorton knew if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

10-26-2004, 08:21 AM	#8 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. I admit I do this...but I have short arms __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

11-14-2004, 03:30 PM	#14 (permalink)
LIMilf Crazy	Hilarous!!! So true, I was behind a lady the other day doing almost this exact same thing. Ladies are good for only one thing...(insert your reason) __________________ My goal is to be rookie of the year...

10-25-2004, 05:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Paradise Lost "Afternoon everybody." "NORM!" Location: Poland, Ohio // Clarion University of PA.	So so true.... runs away before he dies

10-26-2004, 02:45 AM	#5 (permalink)
itch vaccine Psycho Location: on my spinning computer chair	Woo, glad I'm a male it's so much shorter

10-26-2004, 02:49 AM	#6 (permalink)
FatherTed Crazy Location: Ireland	Just emailed it to my wife. Funny, she just replied telling me to cook my own meal tonight. - Wonder what that is all about??

11-08-2004, 06:19 AM	#10 (permalink)
contain1 Upright Location: Florida	ah so funny but wont share that one with my gf

11-13-2004, 09:02 PM	#11 (permalink)
LeviticusMky Crazy Location: Minnesota	"Release parking brake" Good god this line had me cracking up. Perfect way to end the joke. Mine does that to her car all the time. So funny!

11-14-2004, 02:54 AM	#12 (permalink)
joeshoe Crazy Location: California	Haha, funny stuff. The "back up, retrieve card," and "drive two miles, release parking brake" were great.

11-14-2004, 07:44 PM	#15 (permalink)
creon Crazy Location: College Station, Texas. USA	thats freaking awesome... good job

11-14-2004, 09:22 PM	#16 (permalink)
BoltedDown Crazy	Oh man, now that was funny stuff....... unless of course my girlfriend is reading this. Then it is totally unacceptable. ...but still funny...

11-14-2004, 09:48 PM	#17 (permalink)
bbbbbb555 Crazy Location: New Orleans	that was a good one, it made me laugh

11-18-2004, 12:14 AM	#18 (permalink)
Ishmal Wicked Clown Location: House Of Horrors	8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. sounds typically female! JJ __________________ "Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."