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Old 10-26-2004, 10:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
cameroncrazy822's Avatar
 
Location: MD
A Man's Diary

Diary Entry

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
And I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with
their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene
gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like
it. I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT???"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread.
She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a
woman.
I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing
was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.


The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department
store.
I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very
expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to
take
all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth
$200.00 a pair
to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelry department where she
gets a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was
one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she
was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not
even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it
was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should have
seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't
feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It
went completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey, I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going
to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a
man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the
spring of 2008.

Last edited by cameroncrazy822; 10-27-2004 at 05:10 AM..
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Old 10-26-2004, 10:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
Upright
 
AAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHahahahaha

That was great man. Made my burst into tears from laughter
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Old 10-26-2004, 11:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
A boy and his dog
 
Schwan's Avatar
 
Location: EU!
That was excellent. I should try this some day :>.
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Old 10-26-2004, 11:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
<Insert wise statement here>
 
MageB420666's Avatar
 
Location: Hell if I know
Funny as hell, but that would be sexual suicide.
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Old 10-26-2004, 11:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
"Without the fuzz"
 
KinkyKiwi's Avatar
 
Location: ..too close for comfort..
*laughs out loud* thats just great! did you actually DO that??
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Old 10-26-2004, 01:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
The Death Card
 
Ace_O_Spades's Avatar
 
Location: EH!?!?
oh man

that's one knockout counter punch... But yeah, sexual suicide

Time to get a mistress
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Feh.
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Old 10-26-2004, 02:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
Getting Medieval on your ass
 
Coppertop's Avatar
 
Location: 13th century Europe
Sexual suicide indeed.
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Old 10-26-2004, 03:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
Insane
 
That's fucking great! Made me laugh out loud. I'd love to do that one day...although the consequences...
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Old 10-26-2004, 04:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
paranoid
 
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Location: The Netherlands
haha, very good!
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Old 10-27-2004, 05:09 AM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
cameroncrazy822's Avatar
 
Location: MD
Quote:
Originally Posted by KinkyKiwi
*laughs out loud* thats just great! did you actually DO that??
No but I've thought it many many times. It does seem to ring true though. Why not? Witholding anything for a purpose is wrong but what's good for the goose SHOULD be good for the gander. As little as I get it now I couldn't afford to do anything like that.
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Old 10-27-2004, 05:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Japan
Definitely a great story.

Certainly not gonna be having sex for quite some time. Almost worth it though.
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Old 10-27-2004, 09:34 AM   #12 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Pensacola
Fantasic...but he's right, no sex for a long, long time!
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Old 10-29-2004, 05:47 AM   #13 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Mumbai
OMG! HAHAHAA.
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Old 10-29-2004, 08:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Missouri
Oldie but good.
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Old 10-30-2004, 09:40 PM   #15 (permalink)
Upright
 
That was pretty damn funny. It's been a while since I have laughed out loud from a joke posted on a forum.
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