Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-09-2004, 10:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
Wookie
 
Location: Howdy from Oklahoma
Year 2029, News Headlines

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally kown as California.

* Spotted owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.

* Baby conceved naturally....... scientists stumped.

* Couple petitions court to reinstate hetrosexual marriage.

* Last remaining fundamentalist muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).

* France pleads for global help after being over-run by Jamaica.

* Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

* George Z. Bush says he will run for president in 2036.

* U.S. Postal service raises price of first class stamp to $17.98 and reduces mail deliverys to wensdays only.

* Government funded, 85-year, 75.8 billion study reveals that diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss.

* Average weight of americans drops to 275 lbs.

* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they can now photograph a woman with her mouht shut.

* Massachusetts executes last remaining consertative.

* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 1st.

* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

* Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

Feel free to add em if you got em.
__________________
Rehab is for quitters.
bullmoose is offline  
Old 12-09-2004, 01:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Missouri
Good stuff. 2029 is sooner than we think.
Delvid is offline  
Old 12-09-2004, 03:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
Born-Again New Guy
 
TexanAvenger's Avatar
 
Location: Unfound.
*Long distance runner wins race without using steriods. Suspecting of cheating.
*Microsoft releases Windows WeWantMoreMoney
*Wo/Mankind reaches Mars, claims it in the name of Nike
*I/O ports: the must have accessory of the year
*News from White House: War in Iraqi officially over!

I'll think of more later, gotta run...
TexanAvenger is offline  
Old 12-09-2004, 06:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
Unbelievable
 
cj2112's Avatar
 
Location: Grants Pass OR
Child found playing outside, Parents charged with abuse.
cj2112 is offline  
Old 12-09-2004, 06:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
Willravel's Avatar
 
* Windows finally catches up to Mac OSX released in '99
* Fundamentalist Democrats bomb the Pat Robertson Presidential Library
* Watching movies and listening to music is outlawed by the RIAA
* Moe, Larry, and Curly (the clones of the original three stooges) killing rampage continues. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
* Friends 25 year reunion takes place at some homeless shlter in L.A. David Schwimmer still insists he was "on a brake."
* Dennis Miller dies of sarcasm induced stroke after watching O.J. Simpson marry Jessica Simpson
* Janet Reno wins UFC championchip
* Carrot top put to death by a world court for crimes against humanity
* Jesus returns only to get stuck in customs for 3 years because of anti-terrrorist security
* Tom Seleck is still the only man alive that doesn't look gay with a mustache
* Jay Z's space yacht crashes into his new 38,000 karot necklace. There were no survivors
* Jurassic Park opens without incodent
* Cylon and Garfunkle headline Woodstock '29 (think battlestar)
* Klingon Empire condems U.S. actions in the Middle East
* A national day of celebration was announced after Paris Hilton finally passes the 8th grade
* Haley Joel Osmond turns down the role to be the next James Bond
* Olson twins turn 43. Men still feel like creeps for thinking they are hot.
* Scientists finally discover conclusively that eggs are in fact good for you. Science is officially over.
Willravel is offline  
Old 12-09-2004, 08:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
Crazy
 
* Arnold Schwarzenegger demands a recount of his run for re-election in 2028 against Chelsea Clinton calling the Democrats "manly women" for not doing it
lyxo is offline  
Old 12-09-2004, 09:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Stiltzkin's Avatar
 
Scientists discover free energy.
First and second laws of thermodynamics disproven.
First landing on the moon (yes, I am one of <i>those</i> people)
__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.
Stiltzkin is offline  
Old 12-10-2004, 01:48 AM   #8 (permalink)
Tilted
 
* Republicans finally agree to raise minimum wage to $5.45/hr.

* Supreme Court musters up the rocks to admit Christianity not the only religion in America, science textbooks now 6,011 pages long as they incorporate every religious theory of creation known to man in the chapter about evolution.

* Cigarette company sued for $5.65 billion dollars in class action lawsuit initiated by every smoker in America. Lawyer for Phillip Morris quoted as saying "Is cash acceptable?"

* Government issues millionth decree to Major League Baseball condemning the use of anabolic steroids. Players call accusations of drug abuse "an outrage." Home run record broken for the 19th consecutive year, now stands at 136. Red Sox lose pennant to Yankees for the 24th consecutive year.

* Star Wars VII hits theaters. Star Wars IV-VI re-re-re-re-re-released with new bonus features. Greedo shoots first again.

* Windows 2030 debuts. Presentation flawed by minor technical glitch, both Linux users immediately flood the Internet with a new series of Windows jokes. Windows 2030 sells 453 million copies on release day.

* AOL version 23.0 released. In related news, my mom still using dialup.

* Xbox 5 and Playstation 9 released on same day. Halo 14 breaks sales records. Parent groups condemn Grand Theft Auto: Antarctica.

* Taco Bell unveils the Double Decker Spicy Taco Crunch. Claims team of researchers has spent hundreds of man-hours devising new way to combine frozen lettuce, artificial cheese, and commercial-grade beef.
Echodork is offline  
Old 12-14-2004, 09:03 AM   #9 (permalink)
Tilted
 
kifferfong's Avatar
 
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Hahah! Great stuff!
kifferfong is offline  
Old 12-17-2004, 07:24 AM   #10 (permalink)
Squid
 
MikeyChalupa's Avatar
 
Location: USS George Washington
*New Jersey Yankees win 40th World Series title. Payroll reaches $1.5 billion.

*Chicago Cubs swept out of NLCS by the Las Vegas Mets; Title drought reaches 121 years.

*NHL lockout ends.

-Mikey
MikeyChalupa is offline  
Old 12-17-2004, 07:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Little Rock
*Duke Nukem Forever and Team Fortress 2 released

/geek
rickscales is offline  
Old 12-17-2004, 07:47 PM   #12 (permalink)
Banned
 
Rdr4evr's Avatar
 
LoL, Duke Nukem Forever would be going through its 140th engine change at that point
Rdr4evr is offline  
Old 12-17-2004, 08:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Homey_V's Avatar
 
Location: Canada
Windows is officially classified as abandonware as Linux sweeps the desktop market, in other news, Computer errors are localized as a user problem and idiots are banned from all things electronic.
__________________
You did what with a duck?
Homey_V is offline  
Old 12-17-2004, 10:45 PM   #14 (permalink)
lonely rolling star
 
sadistikdreams's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle.
Did anyone find the Futurama reference in the original post?

hoo hoo
__________________
"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
"
-Lin Yutang

hearts, by d.a.
sadistikdreams is offline  
Old 12-25-2004, 11:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: kuala lumpur, malaysia
haaahaha..i like the japanese 1...the one abotu camera being able to take pic of woman wif mouth shut
wgheow is offline  
Old 12-27-2004, 10:35 AM   #16 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Atl
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadistikdreams
Did anyone find the Futurama reference in the original post?
Of course. My owl traps are already out...
Sbudda is offline  
Old 12-27-2004, 01:31 PM   #17 (permalink)
Insane
 
*Asteroid MN4 hits earth and wipes out Australia
Amano is offline  
Old 12-28-2004, 03:32 PM   #18 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
Headlines, not diatribes, folks. Short and informative.

"Odin revealed as One True God"
(subheadline: Muslims, Christians - "D'oh!")

"Democrats Gain 4 More Votes In 563rd Recount"
(subheadline: Still 126,949,303 Short)

"Hydrogen Shortage Continues"
(subheadline: USA Cuts Back On Exports of H to Middle East)

"UN Condemns All Western Hemisphere Nations"
(subheadline: China, Iraq Are Last Remaining Members)
__________________
Wait a minute! Where am I, and why am I in this handbasket?
Hedgehog is offline  
Old 12-28-2004, 04:07 PM   #19 (permalink)
Insane
 
blitz.fenix's Avatar
 
Location: Toronto
Leafs lose in Game 7
-Fans say "Next Year"

War in Iraq deemed on the brink of success
-George W. Bush says "Elections soon to follow"

Oxford releases dictioanry with new words
-ROFLMAO and IMHO out, STFU in.
blitz.fenix is offline  
Old 12-28-2004, 06:45 PM   #20 (permalink)
Curious
 
Shpoop's Avatar
 
Location: NJ (but just for college)
haha these are aweomse
Shpoop is offline  
Old 12-30-2004, 09:36 PM   #21 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: under a rock
*Jesus returns, is aborted
-Mother: "Honestly, I didn't fuck anyone!"

*Doubt Cast on 2004 Red Sox Victory
-Fans Wonder, Was It All a Dream?

*Aliens Land on White House Lawn
-Admit Crop Circles Were "Just for Shits and Giggles"
__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.
Acetylene is offline  
Old 01-06-2005, 08:42 PM   #22 (permalink)
Crazy
 
"Wal-Mart achieves worst customer service record ever - CEO awarded $87 billion bonus"

"Liberal media is banned - New York Times switches to producing child porn"

"Northeastern Delaware A&M wins the BCS Championship after a 5-6 season"
CShine is offline  
Old 01-07-2005, 03:31 PM   #23 (permalink)
Crazy
 
The future scares me now.
Fohur2 is offline  
Old 01-08-2005, 08:24 AM   #24 (permalink)
Psycho
 
itch vaccine's Avatar
 
Location: on my spinning computer chair
* George Z. Bush says he will run for president in 2036.

LOL at this

wahahaha.~
__________________
"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes.
When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours.
That's relativity."

- Albert Einstein
itch vaccine is offline  
 

Tags
2029, headlines, news, year

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:24 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360