Brewmaniac

_A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in suprise
"You know,"__ explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it_didn't _ move."
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__ A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
____ Five minutes later....
____ "Daad...."
____ "What?
____ "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
____ "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
____ Five minutes later:
____ "Daaaaad....."
____ "WHAT?"
____ "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
____ "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five
_____ minutes later...... "Daaaaaaaad....."
__ "WHAT!"
_____ "When you come in to spank me, can
_____ you bring a drink of water?"
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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally_ asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming_ the_ door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light_ when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.

"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by_ his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
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When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
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A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he_ was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered,
"I'm_ doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you_to_do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,_ two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
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One day a teacher read the story Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
"The_ sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised_ her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The_ teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

Xixox

All of those are great!

But this...

... just about made me fall out of my chair laughing

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Incompetence
When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

bhamv

I think my favorite is the "big sissy" one.