Feck the South! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Joan of Arc · 05-07-2005, 07:41 PM

Now living in the south but originally from the northeast. When I saw this I thought it was hilarious! I changed all the f*ck to feck - I think.

Quote:

Feck the South. Feck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fecking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fecking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the feck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fecking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fecking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fecking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fecking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Feck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fecking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fecking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fecking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fecking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fecking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fecking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fecking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fecking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfecker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fecking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fecking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fecking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fecking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fecking Massachusetts, the fecking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fecking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fecking red-ass we're-so-fecking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fecking part.

But two guys making out is going to fecking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fecking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fecking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fecking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fecking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fecking convention in New York next time. Feck off.

BAMF · 05-07-2005, 07:51 PM

the feck threw me off a lot

ranger · 05-07-2005, 10:09 PM

thats classic. consider taken to US history teacher.

MooseMan3000 · 05-08-2005, 10:19 AM

I wrote something incredibly similar to that for a theatre class I took. As an excercise, I also wrote the counterpart from the southern perspective... but I had a much harder time thinking of good points. Heh.

Thanks for the laugh.

TexanAvenger · 05-08-2005, 01:26 PM

Personally, I would've rather seen "fuck" in the right places, but that's just me.

Chuckles · 05-08-2005, 10:11 PM

hahha thats fecking hilarious :P

krwlz · 05-09-2005, 07:02 AM

Haha, yea us Northeasterners just say fuck, it really doesnt come out as feck... does it?

capalka · 05-09-2005, 08:26 AM

My aren't we in a bad mood. Feck youself asshole. If you are so into generalizations, try another formum. This is for humor, not rants from bigots.

japhyryder · 05-09-2005, 01:42 PM

Yes it is probably mostly true, but there are more then a few god haters down here in the south also... personally I think the south would be great if it wasn't for the Jesus Freaks (not trying to offend anyone) The funniest thing about that is almost all of his "blue" states have shrinking populations, while all of us redneck "red" states are growing... hummmm makes you wonder....

TexanAvenger · 05-09-2005, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capalka

My aren't we in a bad mood. Feck youself asshole. If you are so into generalizations, try another formum. This is for humor, not rants from bigots.

Relax... it's all in good fun. A lot of humor out there is based off of generalizations, and it's okay. If you don't like the joke, then you don't like the joke... but realize that it is a joke.

lindseylatch · 05-09-2005, 04:36 PM

I'm curious where you got that?
I thought it was quite amusing...but then, I'm a blue-stater myself, although not in the northeast.

japhyryder · 05-10-2005, 05:39 AM

I think us southerners tend to get a little defensive about our precious south.... Including myself....

Joan of Arc · 05-10-2005, 06:36 AM

http://www.fuckthesouth.com/

And here's the real version. This is funnier.

Quote:

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

muttonglutton · 05-10-2005, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capalka

My aren't we in a bad mood. Feck youself asshole. If you are so into generalizations, try another formum. This is for humor, not rants from bigots.

Yeah, I was reading the comment, expecting some southerner coming on and bitching about this.

Mmm. Feck off.

I think its hilarious, mostly because it's true. Most of the country hates them, Other countries hate them (I'm Canadian. Texas makes me want to kill innocent people), and damnit, they don't help their own image at all.

Not that blue states, Canada, and (insert society here) don't have their own problems. I just don't find them anywhere near as mindbogglingly dense and offensive. Of course, that's just my opinion, and I could be wrong.

Rant = Hilarity.

Ilow · 05-11-2005, 07:22 AM

lol, sounds like George Carlin and Denis Leary got together to do a rant. I find it pretty funny perhaps because I spent '92-'98 below the Mason Dixon line and got awful damn sick of Confederate battle flags.

MikeyChalupa · 05-13-2005, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilow

lol, sounds like George Carlin and Denis Leary got together to do a rant. I find it pretty funny perhaps because I spent '92-'98 below the Mason Dixon line and got awful damn sick of Confederate battle flags.

I hear ya. I'm originally from New York, but since I've been in the Navy I've spent the last 8 years in and around Hampton Roads (Norfolk, VA) and before that I was in Memphis, TN and Jacksonville, FL. I'm by no means a Kerry supporter or liberal lefty, but I also can't stand Bill O'Reilly, FOX News, or the Pat Robertson 700 club bible bangin' gun totin' beer swillin' Rebel flag wavin' NASCAR watchin' crowd that surrounds me here.

Great rant, though.

-Mikey

RusCrimson · 05-13-2005, 06:19 PM

It's a great joke, and it really does make you stop and think about the identity of the nation, as well as those who would shout "unAmerican!" at you.

cinnles · 05-14-2005, 12:15 AM

It made me laugh, and I'm australian.

jaco · 05-14-2005, 10:52 AM

"Loyal Americans in the North need to understand something that every true Southerner knows: find a bad Southerner, one who will not defend the South, and you will find an American who will not defend America."

It's amazing what the media will lead people into believing about part of a country that is acceptable in the day and age that insulting someone for race, sex or religion is a tragedy.

05-07-2005, 10:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
ranger Crazy Location: antioch IL	thats classic. consider taken to US history teacher. __________________ there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and my way, which is the wrong way faster.

05-09-2005, 01:42 PM	#9 (permalink)
japhyryder no one special Location: Charlotte, NC	Yes it is probably mostly true, but there are more then a few god haters down here in the south also... personally I think the south would be great if it wasn't for the Jesus Freaks (not trying to offend anyone) The funniest thing about that is almost all of his "blue" states have shrinking populations, while all of us redneck "red" states are growing... hummmm makes you wonder.... __________________ It's only entertainment, someone's sick idea of a joke.

05-09-2005, 04:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
lindseylatch Addict Location: Seattle, WA	I'm curious where you got that? I thought it was quite amusing...but then, I'm a blue-stater myself, although not in the northeast. __________________ "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." -Voltaire

05-10-2005, 05:39 AM	#12 (permalink)
japhyryder no one special Location: Charlotte, NC	I think us southerners tend to get a little defensive about our precious south.... Including myself.... __________________ It's only entertainment, someone's sick idea of a joke.

05-11-2005, 07:22 AM	#15 (permalink)
Ilow Junkie Location: Pats country	lol, sounds like George Carlin and Denis Leary got together to do a rant. I find it pretty funny perhaps because I spent '92-'98 below the Mason Dixon line and got awful damn sick of Confederate battle flags. __________________ "Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about" --Sam Harris

05-07-2005, 07:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
BAMF Crazy	the feck threw me off a lot

05-08-2005, 10:19 AM	#4 (permalink)
MooseMan3000 wouldn't mind being a ninja. Location: Maine, the Other White State.	I wrote something incredibly similar to that for a theatre class I took. As an excercise, I also wrote the counterpart from the southern perspective... but I had a much harder time thinking of good points. Heh. Thanks for the laugh.

05-08-2005, 01:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
TexanAvenger Born-Again New Guy Location: Unfound.	Personally, I would've rather seen "fuck" in the right places, but that's just me.

05-08-2005, 10:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
Chuckles Insane Location: California	hahha thats fecking hilarious :P

05-09-2005, 07:02 AM	#7 (permalink)
krwlz Fledgling Dead Head Location: Clarkson U.	Haha, yea us Northeasterners just say fuck, it really doesnt come out as feck... does it?

05-09-2005, 08:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
capalka Upright	My aren't we in a bad mood. Feck youself asshole. If you are so into generalizations, try another formum. This is for humor, not rants from bigots.

05-13-2005, 06:19 PM	#17 (permalink)
RusCrimson Tilted Location: Massachusetts	It's a great joke, and it really does make you stop and think about the identity of the nation, as well as those who would shout "unAmerican!" at you.

05-14-2005, 12:15 AM	#18 (permalink)
cinnles Addict	It made me laugh, and I'm australian.

05-14-2005, 10:52 AM	#19 (permalink)
jaco Crazy	"Loyal Americans in the North need to understand something that every true Southerner knows: find a bad Southerner, one who will not defend the South, and you will find an American who will not defend America." It's amazing what the media will lead people into believing about part of a country that is acceptable in the day and age that insulting someone for race, sex or religion is a tragedy. __________________ "How soft your fields so green, Can whisper tales of gore" "Thou art god"