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Old 08-09-2005, 02:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
Darth Mojo
 
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New rules regarding electronic communications

Due to the incapability of electronic communications to convey voice inflections, body language, or even win, we have created a system of rules surrounding the structure of emails. Basic knowledge of html will help, but it isn't necessary. But then again, neither is your next breath, now is it?

1. No more emoticons!

Once closely guarded symbols of computer savvy, these annoying little smilies have been assimilated into the masses of meat puppets the world over. Now, you can't even type source code into an email without having it try to pepper your code with fanged bats, drunken pirates, and constipated hookers. Enought with the emoticons, already! Yes, AOL, we get it. You can stop making our lives a living hell by creating gifs for absolutely every string combination known to man. (In case you're viewing this in AOL version 50.45.1, the phallic symbol at the end of the last sentence was supposed to be the word "m a n").

2. No more acronyms!

Atftsaoc, phatptsttah. Ntltirl, swdytiwtriiae? Wtltyarotflatroacjsmppaatyogty? Lawa, wi?

For all you non-acronym understanding tools, the above translates to:

Another throwback from the stone ages of computers, people have adopted this phenomenon to show that they are hip. Nobody talks like that in real life, so why do you think I want to read it in an email? When's the last time you actually rolled on the floor laughing as the result of a corny joke some middle-aged pervert posing as a thirteen year old girl told you? Like a week ago, wasn't it?

3. Clarify your sarcasm!

"Yes sir, I would love to take on an extra project!" Something like this can be taken two ways, depending on the inflection that you give the words. Since inflection is impossible in an email, enclose all sarcastic remarks inside tags. An example would be:

<sarcasm>Yes sir, I would love to take on an extra project!</sarcasm>"

You can also include the type variable inside the tag:

<sarcasm type=acidic>I know exactly where you should put that 250 page report, sir.</sarcasm>

... More to follow

Last edited by mojodragon; 08-09-2005 at 05:52 PM..
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Old 08-09-2005, 02:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
Junkie
 
That's was funny.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mojodragon
P.S. I wanted to use "<" and ">" for the tags, but it wouldn't work.
For &lt; use &amp;lt; and for &gt; use &amp;gt;
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Old 08-09-2005, 03:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
777
drawn and redrawn
 
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Clarify sarcasm!?! I now we're on to something here (not sarcasm).
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Roger Zelazny
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