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Old 10-04-2005, 09:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Best Bad Humorous Analogies

Winners of the "Best Bad Humorous Analogy Contest" in
the Washington Post Style Invitational Column:


She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook
latches that used to dangle from screen doors and
would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.


The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn't.


McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.


From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene
had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on
vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7
p.m. instead of 7:30 p.m.


Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.


Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black
dots in the center.


Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake


Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.


He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.


The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.


Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her
life was a movie this guy would be buried in the
credits as something like "Second Tall Man."


Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like
two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36
p.m. traveling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period
after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.


They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth


John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.


The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound!
of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during
the storm scene in a play.


His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.


He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he
looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it.
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Old 10-04-2005, 11:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Cool. The sixth one is my favorite.
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Old 10-04-2005, 11:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
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"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

That's lifted from Douglas Adams, if no one earlier. Funny stuff, though.
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Old 10-04-2005, 02:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm a sucker for analogies, these were great! I love "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

Last edited by Pip; 10-04-2005 at 02:17 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 10-04-2005, 06:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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These are as funny as, well, I'm not funny so I won't extrapolate.
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Old 10-04-2005, 07:46 PM   #6 (permalink)
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"John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met."

I think i've seen this list before...i'll see if i still have a copy, 'cause i seem to remember a few more.
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Old 10-04-2005, 08:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I have a hard copy (white sheet of paper) with these on them. I've had it for a few years, and it's refreshing to re-read them. Thank you for sharing them!
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Old 10-05-2005, 06:48 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I must not be a very good writer, because I really liked some of those : )
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Old 10-05-2005, 07:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rmarshall
John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
Haha, I love this one!
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Old 10-05-2005, 08:41 PM   #10 (permalink)
2+2=5? Not again!
 
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My first exposure - very funny!

Favorite: "Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."
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Old 10-07-2005, 11:02 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vermin
Cool. The sixth one is my favorite.
Aw man, your gonna make me count to see which is your favorite
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Old 10-07-2005, 02:35 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Hah! Those are great.
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato
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Old 10-08-2005, 08:03 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frogza
Aw man, your gonna make me count to see which is your favorite
# 6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.
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Old 10-10-2005, 06:04 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rmarshall
# 6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.
Thank, with one hand on my mouse I couldn't quite make it to six.
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Old 10-10-2005, 06:49 AM   #15 (permalink)
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funny stuff
and funny reply by frogza
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