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Old 11-17-2005, 03:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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72 virgins

Since the Islamic terrorist bomber is promised 72 virgins in paradise it raises a few questions about these virgins;

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
12) Is there an age of consent?
13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?
14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?
17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?
29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?
30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
33) If so, are there 72 available?
34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?
47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?
59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
65) Is the bomber entitled to substitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?
69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
71) Do Siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?
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Old 11-17-2005, 04:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
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How can he remember all 72 virgins' name?
Will he get in trouble if he calls out the wrong name?
Is there a system to help him remember their name?
How will the virgins share him? Will they each get one night with him?
Can he dismiss the other virgins if he only likes one virgin?
Can he exchange virgins with his friends or use them as form of currency?
Can he make them have a 72 virgin lesbian orgy????
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Old 11-17-2005, 04:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xazy
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
That would be waste paper
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Old 11-30-2005, 09:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I actually heard somewhere that virgins was a mistranslation, and in ancient arabic the word meant flavors of rice. Not sure if that's true.
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Old 11-30-2005, 11:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
lascivious
 
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What if all 72 girls want to be "just friends"?
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Old 12-01-2005, 09:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mantus
What if all 72 girls want to be "just friends"?
I actually LOL-ed at that one.
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Old 12-01-2005, 09:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rlbond86
I actually heard somewhere that virgins was a mistranslation, and in ancient arabic the word meant flavors of rice. Not sure if that's true.
hahahaha after one meal i would be a little disappointed.
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Old 12-01-2005, 12:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Can you imagine participating in a Jihad for selfish reasons, and going to paradise with a raging hard-on. 72 Vigins, here I come!

You aproach the altar, and you are greeted by Mohammad.

"Here is your 72 varities of rice." Proclaims Mohammad.

"WHAT THE FUCK? Am I supposed to make love to the rice barrels?"

"Hey, it's really good rice. Almost worth dying for."
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Old 12-01-2005, 01:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
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BWaahahahaah Big Ben!! You killed me!!

Another question...

Can they eat pork now?
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Old 12-01-2005, 01:36 PM   #10 (permalink)
lascivious
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBen
Can you imagine participating in a Jihad for selfish reasons, and going to paradise with a raging hard-on. 72 Vigins, here I come!
I always wanted to translate those Call to Jihad flyers. Turns out they say:

JIHAD! Do it for pussy!

- now, considering most of the guys who blow themselves are 19 something - that really explains why they have no lack of volunteers.
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Old 12-30-2005, 01:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Location: Long Beach, CA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mantus
What if all 72 girls want to be "just friends"?
Wow! You've just uncovered my own life's story. Sometimes it happens before I pick them up for the first date.
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Old 01-02-2006, 04:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBen
Can you imagine participating in a Jihad for selfish reasons, and going to paradise with a raging hard-on. 72 Vigins, here I come!

You aproach the altar, and you are greeted by Mohammad.

"Here is your 72 varities of rice." Proclaims Mohammad.

"WHAT THE FUCK? Am I supposed to make love to the rice barrels?"

"Hey, it's really good rice. Almost worth dying for."
If that happened, I would build myself another bomb and see if that would kill me to take me to another afterlife, because damn when your horny you don't want rice, unless you have some type of fetish no one here even wants to know about.
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