Staying At Someone's Place Etiquette? - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

snowy · 06-06-2008, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlish

i can see your point snowy. for me, i guess i like to do things alone and find the freedom that comes with travelling alone or with one other person is liberating rather than be caught up with people or relatives u may not exactly love.

the last time i stayed at someones was 10 years ago now. but you kindof overstay your welcome when you are there for a month. well its how i felt anyways.

Yeah, I could see that.

Sometimes if our friends have work they expect us to amuse ourselves, and we're totally cool with doing that and they know it. We're also free to change our minds at any time about their plans and go off and do our own thing--for example, last year when we visited, our friends were playing in an all-day frisbee tournament. We went in the morning with them to the tournament, then went off on our own for a hike and lunch, and came back to the tournament for the final game and the picnic/party afterwards.

I think that's another good piece of advice--be flexible!

abaya · 06-06-2008, 07:41 AM

Funny, in the US I have almost no problem visiting/staying with anyone, friends or family. Same for when I am visiting friends in Europe.

However, when it comes to my family living abroad (whether Iceland or Thailand)... for some reason, I no longer feel very comfortable crashing directly in their places. Maybe because I'm married and coming up on 29 soon, no longer the late teens/early-20s backpacker that would be ready to crash on anyone's couch as long as it was free... I guess in those cases, I don't mind paying to have a little space for ourselves, away from curious eyes (and maybe the language barrier also inhibits me).

MSD · 06-06-2008, 09:03 AM

Quote:

If a gentleman does not see an ashtray, he does not smoke -- and he does not ask if he may do so. If he must light up he steps outside.

A gentleman uses a coaster.

A gentleman feels free to use the hand towel in the powder room. He does not attempt to refold it. Otherwise, other guests will not know it has been used. (p.90)

When to take a gift
When a gentleman is invited to someone's home -- for dinner, a holiday party, or for an overnight visit -- he takes a gift ... If he is invited for a more extended stay -- a single night or longer -- a gentleman takes a more substantial gift, such as cloth cocktail napkins, an extra corkscrew, or a useful kitchen gadget.

A gentleman always presents his gift directly to his host or hostess. Even though he takes a gift a gentleman also sends a thank-you note at his first opportunity. (p. 91)

When to send a thank-you note
A gentleman always sends a think-you note ... The flowers say, "Thank you for inviting me." The note says, "Thank you, I had a good time." (p. 94)

Unless he is asked, a gentleman does not operate another person's sound system. Neither does he touch another person's CDs. (p. 95)

When to send flowers
A gentleman feels free to send flowers to mark almost any occasion, happy or sad ... They are the perfect means of thanking a host or hostess, and they may be sent either before or after the party. (p. 103)

In the morning, A gentleman always offers to get up and make the coffee. (p. 106)

How to be a houseguest
As a guest in a private home a gentleman treats his host's furniture and other belongings with the greatest care, even more carefully than if they were his own.
If there are servants and some special service is done for him, or if he stays any great length of time, he shows his gratitude by leaving a thank-you tip.
In every case, a gentleman attempts to fit into the household routine. He rises and retires according to the household schedule. He eats what is served and does not complain. He makes his bed in the morning, and he disposes of damp towels as he is instructed.
Most important, he sticks to his arrival and departure plans. When his visit is over, he checks his room to make sure he has packed all his belongings. He leaves nothing but pleasant memories behind. (p. 107)

Bridges, John. How to be a Gentleman -- A contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy. 2. Nashville, TN: Rutledge Hill Press, 1998.

shesus · 06-06-2008, 08:14 PM

I haven't been a guest, except at my parent's and in-law's place. However, I am often the hostess. When we lived in Chicago, our apartment was constantly getting over night guests. I miss that and can't wait to get back to have people over again.

I'm not too picky of a hostess. I just enjoy having people around. We used to have a great guest suite. The guest had a bedroom with a balcony and their own bath. The futon was very comfortable and there was a tv and N64 available. We also had an air mattress for when we had more than 2 people visiting.

Now, we'll just have an air mattress, but if the guest has trouble getting up from it or it's not the best fit, we'd give up our bed for them (with clean sheets and such).

I always make at least one meal while they are visiting and have food around for snacking so no one starves.

Always make sure to have extra toilet paper and paper towels. Some people use a lot more than others I've discovered.

I always put toiletries out for guests to use. I always hate getting in the shower and realizing I forgot my razor or didn't pack soap.

I used to try to plan out things to do, but it never worked out. Now, I just go with the flow. People usually know what they want to do when they visit. And if they don't, we just go out and pick a direction to walk.

It is nice for a guest to clean up after themselves, but I think (hope) that's common sense.

The biggest rule is to relax and have fun. It's a visit, not an invasion. Although when we had the huge meet-up and had 18 people or something in our apartment, it seemed like an invasion, but I was very impressed with how clean our place stayed and nothing broke. TFP house guests rock!

Shauk · 06-06-2008, 08:46 PM

drop a stinker in the toilet, don't flush, use their dishes, eat the last helping of something, put your feet up on their furniture, bug them every 15 minutes after they go to bed with responses to a conversation you had like... oh.... yesterday or something.

yeah, that about covers it.

Derwood · 06-07-2008, 01:32 PM

Our house has a full hall bath and a master bath upstairs. we recently had guests (my wife's aunt and uncle). at one point I went up to the master bath to do something (brush my teeth or something) to find that her uncle was using our shower. I found that kinda weird

abaya · 06-07-2008, 02:28 PM

Just another one I thought of, from our last visitors... don't get shit-faced drunk and then come home and vomit (in your sleep) on the guest mattress (which was not a plastic air-mattress, mind you, but an actual mattress for a bed, placed on the floor for them to use). Thank goodness I had a mattress pad on there, but the mattress itself still got a bit wet... as well as the down pillow. She cleaned it up and was obviously very sorry and embarrassed, but wow... that was a first for me.

lotsofmagnets · 06-08-2008, 11:45 AM

i had two guests arrive fresh off the plane and bought with them not one but 2 bottles of rather strong alcohol.... then proceed to drink both bottles on their 1st night here. i didn´t see them sober after that and after 3 days was rather happy to see the back of them...

boink · 06-10-2008, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JumpinJesus

I think the idea of brining your own towel - aside from being Arthur Dent - is so you don't transfer any dangerous skin-eating fungi to your hosts, or them to you. Also, people wipe their bottoms with those things after a bath, and then later, you go and dry your face.

That's why you always bring your own towel. You should dry your face with only your bottom cooties.

I dry my face first and my ass last. lol
robot_parade

Quote:

Never, ever masturbate all over their cat.

what ? then what are 'yall bringing the towel for ?!?

lotsofmagnets...guests, friends or do you run a b&b ?

06-06-2008, 07:41 AM	#42 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Funny, in the US I have almost no problem visiting/staying with anyone, friends or family. Same for when I am visiting friends in Europe. However, when it comes to my family living abroad (whether Iceland or Thailand)... for some reason, I no longer feel very comfortable crashing directly in their places. Maybe because I'm married and coming up on 29 soon, no longer the late teens/early-20s backpacker that would be ready to crash on anyone's couch as long as it was free... I guess in those cases, I don't mind paying to have a little space for ourselves, away from curious eyes (and maybe the language barrier also inhibits me). __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-06-2008, 08:14 PM	#44 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	I haven't been a guest, except at my parent's and in-law's place. However, I am often the hostess. When we lived in Chicago, our apartment was constantly getting over night guests. I miss that and can't wait to get back to have people over again. I'm not too picky of a hostess. I just enjoy having people around. We used to have a great guest suite. The guest had a bedroom with a balcony and their own bath. The futon was very comfortable and there was a tv and N64 available. We also had an air mattress for when we had more than 2 people visiting. Now, we'll just have an air mattress, but if the guest has trouble getting up from it or it's not the best fit, we'd give up our bed for them (with clean sheets and such). I always make at least one meal while they are visiting and have food around for snacking so no one starves. Always make sure to have extra toilet paper and paper towels. Some people use a lot more than others I've discovered. I always put toiletries out for guests to use. I always hate getting in the shower and realizing I forgot my razor or didn't pack soap. I used to try to plan out things to do, but it never worked out. Now, I just go with the flow. People usually know what they want to do when they visit. And if they don't, we just go out and pick a direction to walk. It is nice for a guest to clean up after themselves, but I think (hope) that's common sense. The biggest rule is to relax and have fun. It's a visit, not an invasion. Although when we had the huge meet-up and had 18 people or something in our apartment, it seemed like an invasion, but I was very impressed with how clean our place stayed and nothing broke. TFP house guests rock! __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

06-07-2008, 02:28 PM	#47 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Just another one I thought of, from our last visitors... don't get shit-faced drunk and then come home and vomit (in your sleep) on the guest mattress (which was not a plastic air-mattress, mind you, but an actual mattress for a bed, placed on the floor for them to use). Thank goodness I had a mattress pad on there, but the mattress itself still got a bit wet... as well as the down pillow. She cleaned it up and was obviously very sorry and embarrassed, but wow... that was a first for me. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-08-2008, 11:45 AM	#48 (permalink)
lotsofmagnets Upright Location: reykjavík, iceland	i had two guests arrive fresh off the plane and bought with them not one but 2 bottles of rather strong alcohol.... then proceed to drink both bottles on their 1st night here. i didn´t see them sober after that and after 3 days was rather happy to see the back of them... __________________ mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor. she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron. physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

06-06-2008, 08:46 PM	#45 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	drop a stinker in the toilet, don't flush, use their dishes, eat the last helping of something, put your feet up on their furniture, bug them every 15 minutes after they go to bed with responses to a conversation you had like... oh.... yesterday or something. yeah, that about covers it.

06-07-2008, 01:32 PM	#46 (permalink)
Derwood Who You Crappin? Location: Everywhere and Nowhere	Our house has a full hall bath and a master bath upstairs. we recently had guests (my wife's aunt and uncle). at one point I went up to the master bath to do something (brush my teeth or something) to find that her uncle was using our shower. I found that kinda weird