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Old 06-18-2008, 11:29 AM   #1 (permalink)
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relationship advice...oh boy

Who is ready for a story?

I've been with my girlfriend for about....1 year and 4 months. We live together, I go to school (graduating in December), she works in retail. I am 21, she is 25. She dropped out of college due to lack of attendance and partying too much. However, I was able to look past that because she is a good person.

A few months ago, she lived with her mom. Her mom gave her the choice of moving with her to Wilmington (about 5 hours away) or staying here. She chose to stay here with me till I finished school, we got an apartment, everything was fine.

Then the shit hit the fan. Suddenly she misses her family and friends in Wilmington, she hates where we live, and she HAS to be in Wilmington. I tell her I can't leave cause I go to school and I need to finish. Not to mention she has a few things she needs to take care of before she can plan a big move (like going to therapy for her DUI she got while in college, or paying off her student loans). So while visiting in Wilmington, she decides to go job hunting, all behind my back.

Obviously this upsets me. I am really starting to feel like I simply do not matter to her anymore. On my 21st birthday, she decided to be the DD while a few friends and I drank and had fun. Instead she gets drunk and starts flirting with guys at the bar, I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING and take her home. 4 days after my birthday, we literally drove out to Gamestop and she bought me my gift (asked me what I wanted).

Sex is like....once a month? She is always complaining, always talking about wilmington, always saying how she will go to wilmington and wait for me while I finish school.

So today on my lunch break, we basically had a fight because I told her how I felt about the whole situation. I'm ready to end this. I love her so much but I'm not going to drag myself down to please her. I'm too young and I've got a lot going for me in the future to deal with this bull-shit.

Any advice people? This is my first serious relationship, and I'm trying not to cloud my judgement from it.
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McFrosticles
I am 21, she is 25.
HIGH FIVE. Sorry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by McFrosticles
A few months ago, she lived with her mom. Her mom gave her the choice of moving with her to Wilmington (about 5 hours away) or staying here. She chose to stay here with me till I finished school, we got an apartment, everything was fine.

Then the shit hit the fan. Suddenly she misses her family and friends in Wilmington, she hates where we live, and she HAS to be in Wilmington. I tell her I can't leave cause I go to school and I need to finish. Not to mention she has a few things she needs to take care of before she can plan a big move (like going to therapy for her DUI she got while in college, or paying off her student loans). So while visiting in Wilmington, she decides to go job hunting, all behind my back.

Obviously this upsets me. I am really starting to feel like I simply do not matter to her anymore. On my 21st birthday, she decided to be the DD while a few friends and I drank and had fun. Instead she gets drunk and starts flirting with guys at the bar, I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING and take her home. 4 days after my birthday, we literally drove out to Gamestop and she bought me my gift (asked me what I wanted).

Sex is like....once a month? She is always complaining, always talking about wilmington, always saying how she will go to wilmington and wait for me while I finish school.

So today on my lunch break, we basically had a fight because I told her how I felt about the whole situation. I'm ready to end this. I love her so much but I'm not going to drag myself down to please her. I'm too young and I've got a lot going for me in the future to deal with this bull-shit.

Any advice people? This is my first serious relationship, and I'm trying not to cloud my [judgment] from it.
She may be 25, but she's behaving like a 19 year old. Her drinking is clearly a very serious problem, and it's clear that she's regretting not going to Wilmington. She has to fix these issues herself. If you don't see her fixing those problems, then it's time to let her go back to Wilmington.
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Get the hell out of that mess. You're a motivated student who is accomplishing something and she's a slacker who cares more about "having fun" than getting serious about life. There is no excuse for her behavior at that age. Leave her.
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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What Lasereth said. Big time.
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
Upright
 
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Location: reykjavík, iceland
you already know what you have to do. sort out the probs (ie sit her down and discuss her problems or the problems you think she has) or move along.
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Old 06-18-2008, 12:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
change is hard.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willravel
HIGH FIVE
hahahaha not so much. Laz said what I was going to say. You're better then this situation, and you allowing this to go on just further enables her horribly immature actions. Tell her to get it together, take it seriously, or your gone. Which is fair.

That said, it's not that easy. I know you care about this girl, love her maybe, but because this is your first serious relationship you should know there will be others. I know it feels like there is nothing else but there is; always.

Just communicate how you feel to her, if she doesn't listen, you shouldn't be together anyways. I'd get out while you can, love aside.
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Last edited by thespian86; 06-18-2008 at 12:21 PM..
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Old 06-18-2008, 04:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
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If you're not ready to break up, and she's hell-bent on going to Wilmington...tell her to go to Wilmington. Sure, ask her why she wants to go to Wilmington so badly ( I never knew Wilmington was such a happening place...), what she wants from your relationship, if it's important to her that you finish school, whether she sees a future in your relationship...

But if that's what she wants to do, then I say let her go. Ask her what she plans to do about her situations with the DUI and so forth, and then let her make a plan. If her plan is basically "fuck this - life is hard, I'm running away to be with my mommy..." then you might have to consider that.
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Old 06-18-2008, 10:23 PM   #8 (permalink)
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25 eh? Her behaviour seems very careless and immature for a 25 year old. Yeah, maybe the DUI's and mad partying were a thing of the past, but the whole getting drunk and flirting on YOUR birthday is just down right shady...
As a 24 year old girl who has had my own cloudy and selfish past and relationship issues...I would say that you should be ready to walk away from this. You cant care and love enough for the both of you...and right now her actions are are not proving her love or commitment to your relationship.
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Old 06-19-2008, 11:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Run. Run very fast. Consider yourself fortunate that she is giving you an out on this one. I really don't see what the question is other than you'll have to deal with change. And it sounds like it will be very good change as she sounds like she has a suitcase full of issues to deal with. You sure don't need that at 21. Get on with you life, man!!
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Old 06-19-2008, 11:10 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Old adage from an ancient cross-stich in my parent's bathroom, above the toilet:

Quote:
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's meant to be.
If she wants to go to Wilmington, bid her adieu. If you really mattered to her, she'll make time for you. If you didn't, then she just answered the question of "is this really worth it" for you.
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Old 06-19-2008, 11:26 AM   #11 (permalink)
That's what she said
 
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You two may love each other, but unfortunately that's just not enough. You each have different priorities and commitments, and those are severely misaligned at the moment. While it's possible they may balance out once you graduate, I suspect that you will only run into the same issues in a different form.

Simply put... you two are growing apart and the relationship is ending. Focus your time and energy on school because that is your future, and this girl will soon be a part of your past.
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