pkeigs

I have been dating this girl for about 3 months now and she is really great. I know she has suffered from depression and has some issues but I am willing to look past that. Anyways she told me that she has a really tough time with September and that she has had most of her anxiety attacks during this month. We went to breakfast this morning and it seemed like things were going alright but I dropped her off and she told me this afternoon that she had an anxiety attack. She has shut me out and has been really quit this afternoon and almost a little mean towards me. I don't really know how to approach the situation and would love some advice.


Thanks
Patrick

Bear Cub

If she's having anxiety attacks, has she seen a doctor?

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diddagirl

Hey Patrick,
As someone who has experienced a great deal of anxiety in my life- there is not anything that you can really do. This is something she should speak with a medical doctor about...and look at getting possibly put on some anti- anxiety meds (short term) and look at going to seek an psychologist or someone that can help her learn to deal with her anxiety (long term). All you xcan do is remain supportive, and let her know that you understand she is dealing with some very sensitive and serious issues. There is nothing worse then someone making you feel as if your anxiety is some sill thing in your head and you should just choose to turn the switch to "off". Good luck...

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inBOIL

anxiety support "family member"
Google is your friend.

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genuinegirly

Confirm that no, she is not crazy, and that yes, many people suffer from anxiety.

Her "anxiety attacks" - what exactly do they entail? Does she want to curl up in her bedroom and read a book? Is she shaking in fetal position on the floor? If it is the latter, she should pursue professional counseling.

If you feel like going the extra mile, help her to develop a stress-free lifestyle. Have her compile a list of triggers for anxiety attacks. What happens just before? What is stressful, what is stressing you that you don't quite realize? Help her find a way to either increase her tolerance for these stressors or remove herself from these situations.

Remind her that she is capable of coping with her surroundings, and that her anxiety attacks won't haunt her forever, if she is willing to work at it and seek proper care.

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ratbastid

If she's resistant to getting help, here's what you do. Help her to see that the anxiety attacks and everything else is coming from inside her. There's no "anxiety attack air" floating around in the world that settles on her occasionally. That's getting generated from inside her mind and body. That's not to say they're not real or that she's making them up--they're very real. It's just that the source of them is inside her, and is in the complex interplay and feedback systems between her cognitive habits and her nervous and endocrine systems. This is a medical situation, for which medical solutions are appropriate.

It also doesn't mean anything about her that she has this particular medical situation. Millions and millions of good, functional people deal with what she's dealing with. There's nothing at all unusual about it, and the doctor that she goes to will have seen LOTS of cases just like this and will know EXACTLY how to help.

thespian86

Here is the deal Pat. She wasn't being mean; well, perhaps she was, but if she was feeling anxious it had nothing to do with you. When someone is having an anxiety attack, the easiest thing to do is to just do what makes them comfortable; most of the time that means leaving them be. I'm assuming, that since you don't understand you are going off the deep end tryng to be comforting and understanding but that, for someone who is feeling anxious, just makes them feel crowded and they often lash out in the moment because they are freaking out. Also, anxiety attacks are an on goig occurrence, in that if one happens in the day, especially when you're young, will continue to have little after shocks, if you will, for the remainder of the day.

A big, nay, HUGE, problem here is that you are trying to be distantly supportive of something you don't understand. Like "She has a load of issues but I like her in spite of it". Everyone has issues man; how about learning about it, and then approaching it with an educated opinion. A lot of people suffer from nurosis and psychotic behavior and you're certainly not the first one to have to deal with a partner with it.

So deal with it; know what I mean?

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Iliftrocks

Anxiety attacks suck, man. I suffered for years, off and on. I stopped them the hard way, without help. I realised that I was causing them and figured out my triggers and just made myself quit reacting to them. Therapy and medication would probably have been quicker, but I couldn't think well enough while I was in the midst of them to do anything about it. Best you can do is be there for her, and when she comes out of it and is "normal" talk to her about getting help, and assure her that you will be there for her.

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Ayashe

I have come to believe in time that everyone is a little neurotic, maybe not psychotic but everyone has their quirks. I think the normal people are the minority in some ways.

Seriously though, Punk seems to have some good advice here. It is hard to press someone in how they should be handling things, especially if they are feeling in a sense that they have little control left in their lives. Learn a little more about it, I think it would make both of you more comfortable. Maybe you will come across a good book or group that may help her understand and overcome her problem. Let her know you care and understand that it isn't her fault, but that you are interested in helping her through it.

A lot of people have anxiety issues, at times they can be caused by more organic medical issues. It could be something as simple as an untreated thyroid disorder. Going to a Medical specialist before seeing psych is definitely not a bad thing. Be prepared though, they will generally offer anti-anxiety meds, a lot of people disagree with their use.

Wishing you luck.