62ford

i havent posted in a while, but i seem to be posting here for the same reason as before. i have been with this girl for almost two years now. we seem to hit it off very well. out of nowhere i have found out, through a very trusted source, that she has cheated on me recently with her ex. i have confronted her and she strongly denies it. the thing i dont get is that i spoil her, we go out all of the time, go on little vacations, and what not. i do everything i can to make her happy, there is definitely no lack of sex on my part, which i also do everything i can to maker her happy on that end. i just dont understand what would make her want to go out and have sex, or even be with someone else. Ladies i hope you might be able to shed some light on this. this has happened to me before several years back. are all women like this? do i just have bad luck? is it something i am doin? any help or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.

allaboutmusic

Short answer - definitely not all.

jewels

Those who cheat aren't looking for sex. They're looking for what's lacking in the marriage. Often, they look for communication or respect. Sometimes, a jealous partner can push their spouse away.

Dig deep. Only you know why.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Plan9

Yes, AND they smell funny, too!

...

Just kidding. Infidelity is a human issue, not a female-only issue.

I know all about such things and very-truly-I-tell-you: they suck.

You're probably thinking: "Why me? What did I do?"

Most likely: something you didn't do that they needed.

Not necessarily your fault. People suck at communication and give up on those they're the most intimate with...

The reasons why are often simple: novelty from boredom, rebellion from unhappiness, risk of being caught.

So much thrill for what amounts to the same 31 Flavors of intimacy in the end.

...

Just tell yourself you can do better.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ASU2003

If they are attractive it isn't hard for them to cheat. It's not like an old boyfriend or friend would turn them down. Then again, if a hot girl that was your friend from your past through herself at you, you might have a hard time passing it up.

But I would check your source and find out how true it is. Maybe they want you to break up with her so she will be single again...

abaya

No, we don't all cheat. Quite far from it. It might help if you don't start off your OP with such a blatant generalization.

Maybe you're doing too much to make her happy, and she's the type who doesn't like that.

Or something along those lines. How about communication? Not confrontation, but actually sitting down and talking with her about exactly what is going on underneath her actions. People--BOTH men and women, thanks--cheat for all kinds of reasons. Some of them are valid, some are not. But you're never going to find out why if it's all about confronting her instead of digging down deep into the relationship with her (whether or not you stay together is a separate issue).

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

jorgelito

There is never a valid reason for cheating. If you are unhappy with someone, either work it out or break it off.

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"The race is not always to the swift, nor battle to the strong, but
to the one that endures to the end."

"Demand more from yourself, more than anyone else could ever ask!"

- My recruiter

Iliftrocks

I'm with Dr. House on this one. "Everybody lies".... To some extent.

Cheat, as in, on a spouse? I don't think all, or even most, by any means. I could be wrong, but I prefer a more positive, and hopeful, expectation of others.

There are some people that you can't do enough for. Her problem is not you, really, she's probably looking for someone to give her the impossible, happiness. She, like most of us, should be focused inward, to figure out what we really need. It's just easier to look for other people to make us whole or happy. It never works, but the effort is easier than self improvement.....

__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

dlish

im with ASU on this one..

maybe your source is telling you fibs.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

serlindsipity

some people will always deal with the grass being greener on the other side. and sometimes, it wont be your fault.

I hope you see these people before they hurt you.

__________________
My third eye is my camera's lens.

Plan9

Hey now! C'mon... if it wasn't for generalizations... I'd be out of a job here.
-----Added 9/9/2008 at 07 : 09 : 41-----
(round two of Jorge-query) What's a valid reason to cheat? Perhaps being too spineless to end a relationship in the disposable-couples culture that makes up Western relationships?

I don't get cheating. Isn't it easier to be a horny self-serving dirtbag by breaking up with somebody before you decide to play hide-the-sausage with all five of your next door neighbors?

See also: Prenuptial agreement.
See also: Sterile email breakup.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

little_tippler

do all guys lie and cheat?

I hate generalizations of this sort when all you have is one bad experience.

I'd say you are probably just unlucky. I could be something you're doing...or not doing.

In my experience, the girls I know don't normally lie and cheat.

Sounds like what you're investing in this particular girl, is more than she deserves.

Then again, with so few details about how you guys get along on a daily basis, I can't really say. She could just be playing you, or she could actually be unhappy with the relationship. Pick one.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Tully Mars

Yep.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Ayashe

Just as all guys don't cheat, girls don't either.

abaya

Okay, simmer down Tiger! What I mean by "valid" is not that it is morally justifiable/right, but that there are serious problems with the relationship (on both sides) that lead a person to believe that cheating is the something okay to do. Say the cheater is being emotionally and physically neglected, and doesn't have the self-awareness/wherewithal/TFP advice to seek out counseling and sort out their issues before screwing up their marriage, etc. I see this as being a more "valid" reason than, say... being bored, jealous, or wanting to fuck up the marriage, or for the reason you give above. Doesn't mean it's right--I don't think any cheating is "right," for any reason--but it's something that is a little more understandable than someone who is just doing it to be vindictive, get their kicks, etc. My two cents, as usual.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

lotsofmagnets

in response to the op: yes they do. all guys do as well. it´s all relative. life´s a funny thing.

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

Poppinjay

I'm with Mr. Johnson.

Blazing Saddles reference.

Crompsin also had a good post along these lines on the condom v. bareback thread. The casualness that people treat relationships in these United States causes many of the problems within. On the one hand, Abaya is perfectly right about cases of cheating. Relationships can be broken, and you can't really expect people to remain committed to a broken future.

On the other hand, who hasn't known a person who moves from um friend to um friend?

It's all well and good to say, "break it off", but with two people, there's a 50% chance one will be more emotionally invested in the relationship. That does wicked things to your psyche.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

ItWasMe

Not all of us cheat. Just like not all men hit.

Go back to the part where she strongly denies cheating, and you don't understand why she would want to in the first place. Where did your 'trusted source' get this information? Was this person an eye witness? Did they also have a 'trusted source' who had a 'trusted source' who had a...Is this through a tangled grapevine, so to speak? Only you can decide which person you believe.

__________________
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

Merlocke

go read "the game" by Neil Strauss. Depending on the source, cheating is either in human nature, or it isn't, but people moving towards a specific course of action usually head there to attain something they don't already have, or are missing. Also - how can you be sure that your source is 100% as well? Unless they've got proof it's still all speculation.

__________________
-=[ Merlocke ]=-

screamincheetah

Yes, everyone lies to everyone. That's a reality of life. They may be small, insignificant lies, but it happens. The cheating is another topic and a much bigger lie, and it can't be associated with men or women exclusively.

Like I just posted on another thread, this is the ultimate lie and indication that she doesn't care for you the way you want to be cared for. Be thankful you've been shown her true feelings and thoughts for you so you can move on with a clear mind. It hurts like hell, but that passes and you'll be much happier alone than with someone who has no respect or love for you.

__________________
"The sunrise ain't pretty when you ain't been to bed...tomorrow is today instead."

Bobby Bare Jr.