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Old 02-10-2009, 10:23 AM   #1 (permalink)
Location: venice beach, ca
a word in edgewise (or getting stomped in conversation)

have you ever been in a 3, 4, or 5 way conversation and had a really good idea or a funny related story, but when you try to tell everyone, they won't let you say it because they interrupt you with more talk as soon as you try to start? or had your friend telling you about their problems, and when you try to interject a fix to them or even just affirm that you can relate to what they're going through, they'll just steamroll you and keep talking?

I find this happening often with my friends and peers. and it's odd to me for a lot of reasons. for one thing, i'm generally a listener more than a speaker, so i would think that from surprise alone i'd get to be heard when i finally chose to pipe up and say something and my words would carry more weight. it also doesn't make sense to me that i'm on short end of that stick because i am very knowledgeable in the areas of communication and sociology and i'm not nervous or awkward in those situations at all.

i'd like to hear if you guys are ever affected by this and what you do to improve your timing and delivery in conversations so it doesn't happen so much and so you don't look like a jerk or a baby whining for people to listen to you for once...
-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.
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Old 02-10-2009, 10:27 AM   #2 (permalink)
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Daniel_'s Avatar
Location: Southern England
Doesn't happen to me, but lots of people I know have mentioned that it happens to them...
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine

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Old 02-10-2009, 10:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
World's King's Avatar
Location: Denver City Denver
high_jinx, no one wants to hear what you have to say.
heavy is the head that wears the crown
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Old 02-10-2009, 10:37 AM   #4 (permalink)
She's Actual Size
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Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
This happens with my coworkers all the time. Then again, I work with some rude people. I usually just roll my eyes and walk away, or back out of the conversation in some other way.

With friends, it doesn't happen nearly as often. Of course, with close friends, I'm a lot more comfortable, and likely to say "Hey, shut up already!" If not, I'll bring it up later.

It's annoying, but I don't know about "fixing" it. I've found that I almost always learn more by NOT jumping in.
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
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Old 02-10-2009, 11:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
Who You Crappin?
Derwood's Avatar
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
I used to think of myself as Mr. Cellophane at work (Chicago reference). I'd be walking to lunch with 2 or 3 people and I'd be telling a story and someone else would start talking over me as if I wasn't even there
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Old 02-10-2009, 12:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
Eat your vegetables
genuinegirly's Avatar
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
I've definitely experienced this one. Not sure why it happens. I attribute it to poor hearing, and deal with it. If it happens repeatedly with the same person, I will either inform them of their habit, or avoid interaction.
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
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Old 02-10-2009, 01:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
Life's short, gotta hurry...
Grancey's Avatar
Location: land of pit vipers
Happens all the time. I made the decision about a year ago to help my mental well-being in these situations. Usually, it's not everyone in the group who does this. I choose to avoid conversation with the difficult people, and I limit my fun conversations to people I can talk to one on one. This seems to work well. You can't choose who to talk to and not talk to when it's work related so that's a real stressor. My brothers are notorious for talking to me this way on the phone, so I don't talk to them on the phone anymore. What a relief for me, although it is unfortunate to lose that interaction. Now when Red, the non-stopper, does this I just speak up and say, "Hey, it's my turn to talk now". That works because he knows how guilty he is.
Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.
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Old 02-10-2009, 01:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
snowy's Avatar
Location: Oregon
My boyfriend and roommate do this to me all the time, but oddly, my roommate is better at recognizing when I'm getting frustrated with them, and will often interrupt the conversation to note that I have something to say and that they'll shut up in a minute so I can say my piece. I suppose part of it is that in other social situations, I am very much a talker and they are not, so when we are home and it's just the three of us, they have to make up for all the talking they didn't do elsewhere. I'm also in more social situations more often--the nature of what I do (student, intern teacher, childcare worker) dictates that. They, on the other hand, are students in disciplines that don't require a lot of complicated or varied interaction (engineering and forestry).
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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Old 02-10-2009, 02:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
SabrinaFair's Avatar
Location: Louisville, KY
Happens all. the. freakin. time.

In both sides of my professional life (the legal and the political), I am surrounded by people who think they are the smartest, funniest, most informed people in the whole wide world. OK, maybe I exaggerate a tad, but suffice to say, egos abound. People are definitely listening with the intent to respond, rather with intent to understand. I've learned how to elbow my way in to the conversation when I really want to get my point across. It does sometimes require doing what pisses me off--stepping on someone else's point. Most of the time, I'm content to listen and learn, however. Knowledge is power, muhahaha. ;-)
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
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Old 02-10-2009, 03:25 PM   #10 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
Plan9's Avatar
I usually bust out the obscure commentary or do something stupid to derail the conversation momentarily if I really need to get something into it.

Doesn't happen all that often because I'm working on my BS right now and college kids don't talk in class even when they're allowed.
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."
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Old 02-10-2009, 06:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
Location: My head.
Never happens to me, I command attention wherever I go!!
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Old 02-10-2009, 06:47 PM   #12 (permalink)
change is hard.
thespian86's Avatar
Location: the green room.
This is usually a problem for B personalities. People who don't feel comfortable leading constantly. People who like to sit back and examine. People who will let others take the lead.

I never get interrupted or ignored because who I am demands that kind of attention. Not in a selfish way; I just know what to say and when to do so.

So either a) walk into the room with confidence, ready to lead, or b) be okay with not getting that kind of attention.
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.
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Old 02-10-2009, 07:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
ryfo's Avatar
Location: melbourne australia
It happens to me all the time the other voices in my head interupt myself all the time!!
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Old 02-10-2009, 08:53 PM   #14 (permalink)
Cheater's Avatar
Location: New Jersey
yea, I hear you - thanks "punkmusicfan21" for putting a label on it. Never thought of it being a type B personality, but I think you are right. I seem to be a support type of person and am very comfortable letting someone else take the lead. I do find it frustrating when someone else takes the credit for the work I have done, but just keep it in, otherwise it sounds like sour grapes.
Along with the feeling of not being heard, I tend to read a lot of the posts and refrain from commenting.
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Old 02-11-2009, 06:59 AM   #15 (permalink)
Iliftrocks's Avatar
Location: Near Raleigh, NC
If the people you talk to don't listen to you, you are conversing with the wrong people. Screw labelling yourself a B type person, they are just fucking rude. Try to find people who will participate in a conversation with you. I have found very few, but my conversations are very rich.

If you have a need to dominate conversations, then you aren't having conversations, you are lecturing. You probably don't have enough self-esteem, or self worth, and your ego is too fragile to deal with dissenting opinions.

Wise people truly do listen more than they speak....
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Last edited by Iliftrocks; 02-11-2009 at 06:59 AM.. Reason: self spelling Not-see
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Old 02-12-2009, 11:01 AM   #16 (permalink)
Iliftrocks's Avatar
Location: Near Raleigh, NC
SOMEBODY sure was grumpy yesterday. sorry
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."
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