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Old 06-28-2009, 12:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Eh...I don't know if this is the right place at all

...And I'm sure a thread title like that doesn't demand clicks, but I'm not really in the best frame of mind right now.

I am a 22 year old female and have been totally in love with one of my best friends (female, although that really doesn't matter) for about a year now.

I'll try to make this brief. She confessed to having feelings for me at the end of summer last year. We didn't discuss it any further than that, though I said I felt the same. She started ignoring me before this confession, and even after it she was still very difficult to talk to.

She then went missing for 7 months, and went through some tough crap I'm not going to go into. Since she got back into contact with me she has been equally distant. She is in a different country at the moment, although that was never a barrier before. We always sent each another lots of e-mails and stuff happily. Now it takes massive work to get even a few words out of her, and I'm losing it. I'm trying to act happy and lighthearted with her, but it's driving me insane. I can't sleep and I can't spend time with my friends and family without feeling depressed as hell about it. All I want is her friendship and I've never implied anything else, nor has she.

So if you bothered to read that, what should I do? I could confront her, but I fear her being too upset over everything else in her life to be able to deal with it. The one thing I can't do is keep things how they are. I will lose it very very soon if I do.
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Old 06-28-2009, 12:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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She obviously is not interested - in either friendship or more. Harsh, but you should move on.
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Old 06-28-2009, 12:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wugglywoo View Post
I could confront her, but I fear her being too upset over everything else in her life to be able to deal with it. The one thing I can't do is keep things how they are. I will lose it very very soon if I do.
A confrontation would not be best. Before you both confessed feelings for each other, had either of you had an idea you were lesbian or bisexual? If not this may be new to her and hard for her to deal with.
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Last edited by Psycho Dad; 06-28-2009 at 03:16 PM.. Reason: iPhone autocorrect undo
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Old 06-28-2009, 12:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Confront her, it needs to be out in the open. No more hiding. The worst that can happen is that she really isn't interested and she tells you that and you can move on. Either way you have nothing to loose because if she doesn't want to stay friends its better to know then just keep wondering. It sounds like she is going threw a lot and she might just need some distance, but you will never know unless you confront her.
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Old 06-28-2009, 12:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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you've come to the right place, don't sweat it.

it's not you, its her. she started ignoring you before either of you said anything about feelings. she might be going through personal crap that you just don't know about, (or maybe you do?) and her ignoring you has nothing to do with you. so don't take it personal, and understand we can't always be freinds with people we want to be friends with.

i will second highthief. move on.
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Old 06-28-2009, 01:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Wow, and girls accuse guys of being oblivious to hints. She isn't interested, move on with your life.
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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It's not that simple. We were always good friends, you know? And it's not like I made a move on her. She was the one who told me she had feelings for me. Since then she's told me again and again how much she cares/loves me...and that's where the confusion comes in. I guess I should have mentioned that before. :/

Psycho Dad: we both always knew that I was gay and she was bisexual. I wish that was the problem...but sadly it's not.

But thanks for all your advice. I think I'll try to avoid her myself and see if she contacts me. If she doesn't I'll suffer and suck it up and if she does, well, I might consider confronting her then.
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Old 06-28-2009, 09:07 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: San Antonio, TX
Quote:
Originally Posted by wugglywoo View Post
It's not that simple. We were always good friends, you know? And it's not like I made a move on her. She was the one who told me she had feelings for me. Since then she's told me again and again how much she cares/loves me...and that's where the confusion comes in. I guess I should have mentioned that before. :/

Psycho Dad: we both always knew that I was gay and she was bisexual. I wish that was the problem...but sadly it's not.

But thanks for all your advice. I think I'll try to avoid her myself and see if she contacts me. If she doesn't I'll suffer and suck it up and if she does, well, I might consider confronting her then.
It seems like either she's not interested, or she's having major problems in her life. I'm not sure if it makes sense that she's not interested, since she's the one who came forward. If she's having major problems in her life...well, it may not be a good time for her to have a relationship, and you owe it to yourself not to wait for her. You also need to remember that you *can't* fix her. You can be a good friend, and supportive, and all that, but if she's got problems, she needs to fix them, not you. Let her know that you're available, but respect her decision if she refuses to have contact you.
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:40 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wugglywoo View Post
Since then she's told me again and again how much she cares/loves me...and that's where the confusion comes in.
She is telling you this but acting the way she does. I'm getting 2+2=3.

I think it's time to move on.

Very rarely do friendships last a lifetime. Some drift apart, some end badly. Whatever type of friendship you had appears to be over.

It doesn't sound like whatever communication is going on between the two of you now is making you happy in anyway and it doesn't sound like the friendship is enriching your life the way it should. So yeah, move on.

It's hard to do, especially when you have the feelings for someone the way you do. You need to take the reigns, stop putting yourself through this and go on to happier people and happier times.
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