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Old 08-16-2009, 01:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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How do you figure out if someone has a boyfriend (or girlfriend)

So, in the world of real-life dating, how does one find out if a girl already has a boyfriend? I already have to be confident enough to think she would like me if she doesn't. I would like to know if it's even worth taking the risk of talking to her or if I am just wasting my time. Coming right out and asking seems a little upfront (and awkward regardless of the answer), stalking doesn't seem right, social engineering of others is tough and risky*.

Here is the basic situation for a little context. There is a girl that works in my office building for a different company. She works second shift (12-8 pm)with two other women. It is difficult figuring out a reason to talk to her, even though it has happened once or twice, and she has to work so she is busy. And I know nothing about her compared to people with on-line profiles that may or may not exist in real life, and I have never been good at figuring out which people I would have things in common with in normal life.

*It is risky in this situation because the co-worker is someone I run into frequently at work and I don't have a real 'need to know' anything about her (the girl at the other company) unless it was relationship oriented.
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Old 08-16-2009, 01:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Make friends, then lovers.
As you flirt, it'll become clear if she's reciprocating, or if she's at all decent, she'll be upfront about having a boy. Or, you could find her on facebook.
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Old 08-16-2009, 01:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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flirt like a fiend, gauge reactions, tailor your approach based on those findings........
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Old 08-16-2009, 02:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Throw the person in water. If she sinks, she has a boyfriend.
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Old 08-16-2009, 02:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
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You can do what I did this afternoon.

Make a pass at your hairdresser. When a kid runs up to her yelling "Mommy, we bought you McDonalds" and the husband is standing there giving you a dirty look, she's probably not single.
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Old 08-16-2009, 02:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Find her myspace ;P
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Old 08-16-2009, 02:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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If you make friends with her and flirt a little, she will make clear of her own accord that she is not single, if that's the case. She'll slip it into conversation. "I went to the movies with my boyfriend last week and saw that movie (in reference to a movie you're commenting on that you saw)". Committed girls make it clear early on.
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Old 08-16-2009, 02:45 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I thought this was simple.


Ask.
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Old 08-16-2009, 03:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
immoral minority
 
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It would be really hard to find her on Facebook/Myspace/OKcupid, even if she is one there now, she would probably have her account set to private (I hate private accounts)...

Asking would be ok if she was some random girl that I would probably never run into again.

I thankfully wouldn't have to worry about her 'potential' unknown boyfriend walking up where I work. I might have a problem if he is waiting in the parking lot.

So, I guess I will have to come up with friendly, non-obvious that I like her things to talk about when passing in the hallway. I guess I could ask her "How was your weekend, did you do anything fun?"

Any other thoughts?
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Old 08-16-2009, 03:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ASU2003 View Post
It would be really hard to find her on Facebook/Myspace/OKcupid, even if she is one there now, she would probably have her account set to private (I hate private accounts)...

Asking would be ok if she was some random girl that I would probably never run into again.

I thankfully wouldn't have to worry about her 'potential' unknown boyfriend walking up where I work. I might have a problem if he is waiting in the parking lot.

So, I guess I will have to come up with friendly, non-obvious that I like her things to talk about when passing in the hallway. I guess I could ask her "How was your weekend, did you do anything fun?"

Any other thoughts?

This really a no brainer...

"How was your weekend, did you do anything fun with your boyfriend?"

She will either say something to affirm that, or a girlfriend if she swings that way...

or say something like,"I don't have a boyfriend..."

"Oh nice girl like you, I figred you'd have one."
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Old 08-16-2009, 04:05 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Yeah, Cynth is on it. Ease yourself into the conversation and then bring it up directly.

Don't be creepy about it by putting on "Every Breath You Take" and Googling to examine their cyber footprint.

That's like digging through somebody's sock drawer on a first date to find their porn while they're in the bathroom.
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Old 08-16-2009, 04:09 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by World's King View Post
I thought this was simple.


Ask.
Indeed.

You already say you'd have to be confident enough to think she has an interest in you, as well as the time you decide to ask her out (unless the coinfidence was a front). Introduce yourself, (if you're not already on "acquaintanceship" terms), feel her out and make small talk, then ask her straight up if she is in a commited relationship.

First rule of courtship: confidence.
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Old 08-16-2009, 05:22 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthetiq View Post
This really a no brainer...

"How was your weekend, did you do anything fun with your boyfriend?"

She will either say something to affirm that, or a girlfriend if she swings that way...

or say something like,"I don't have a boyfriend..."

"Oh nice girl like you, I figred you'd have one."


too obvious...

really, it is.
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Old 08-16-2009, 05:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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too obvious...

really, it is.
You know what's really obvious? Slapping their cellphone outta their hand and checking their recent calls for any type of pattern.
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Old 08-16-2009, 07:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
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If the girl has a boyfriend and she's not interested then she'll mention him within the first couple minutes of talking typically. At least that's what I do to ward off interested men...although not from friendship! If she has a guy and doesn't tell you for a while then might want to reconsider her morals...
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Old 08-16-2009, 07:24 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Why not just follow her around and wait until she's having a conversation with one of her friends. Hide in some nearby bushes and wait until talk turns to boyfriends/girlfriends/pets/David Copperfield. At this point, pull your your old-timey conical sea-shell hearing cone and listen carefully for her to mention her boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/pet/David Copperfield. If talk doesn't turn this direction, continue following her until conversation does revolve around this subject. Wait for her to discribe her relationship. If she's single, she'll most definately say something like, "I'm single." If she's not, she'll indicate this by saying something like, "I'm not single." This is probably the most affective method for ascertaining her relationship status.

If you're spotted, just tell her that you took the advice of some moron on an internet forum because you didn't know how else to ask her if she was single or not.
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Old 08-16-2009, 08:37 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ghoastgirl1 View Post
If the girl has a boyfriend and she's not interested then she'll mention him within the first couple minutes of talking typically.
If he's flirting heavily, yes. If he's only flirting a little or not at all, she may not mention anything.
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Old 08-16-2009, 10:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JumpinJesus View Post
Why not just follow her around and wait until she's having a conversation with one of her friends. Hide in some nearby bushes and wait until talk turns to boyfriends/girlfriends/pets/David Copperfield. At this point, pull your your old-timey conical sea-shell hearing cone and listen carefully for her to mention her boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/pet/David Copperfield. If talk doesn't turn this direction, continue following her until conversation does revolve around this subject. Wait for her to discribe her relationship. If she's single, she'll most definately say something like, "I'm single." If she's not, she'll indicate this by saying something like, "I'm not single." This is probably the most affective method for ascertaining her relationship status.

If you're spotted, just tell her that you took the advice of some moron on an internet forum because you didn't know how else to ask her if she was single or not.
DAMN! I was going to suggest a wee bit of friendly stalking

Or you could be "clever" - put some roses and a cute card at her desk, then tap her phone. If she immediately calls someone thanking them for the nice flowers, she's taken. Otherwise she'll be a little scared/confused - a perfect situation for you to reveal your true identity as the friendly neighbourhood stalker
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Last edited by freeload; 08-16-2009 at 10:49 PM..
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Old 08-16-2009, 10:50 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Whether or not she has a boyfriend isn't nearly as important as whether or not she's interested in you.

If you're interested, pursue.
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Old 08-16-2009, 11:00 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Another vote here for asking.

The approach of saying "did you have a good weekend" to start a conversation, and then seeing if she mentions an SO can work, as can "I see that new movie/play/restaurant is opening soon - have you got plans to go with your SO?".

Just remember, thinking about things doesn't get things done - DOING thing gets things done.
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Old 08-17-2009, 03:35 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manic_Skafe View Post
Whether or not she has a boyfriend isn't nearly as important as whether or not she's interested in you.

If you're interested, pursue.

I liked Manic before, but I am liking him more and more lately.



No one should EVER rule out the homewrecking possibilities.
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Old 08-17-2009, 06:26 PM   #22 (permalink)
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You'll have to sleep with her first, at her place. Now that youre in, you've got to search everything while she's busy making you a sammich. Pay special importance to her purse and her computer.
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Old 08-17-2009, 07:07 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Is there a ring on her finger? No?

Then play ball...
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Old 08-17-2009, 07:08 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Is there a ring on her finger? No?

Then play ball...
My buddy went out on a date with a girl who was missing her left ring finger. What do you do with that?
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Old 08-17-2009, 07:24 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Crompsin View Post
My buddy went out on a date with a girl who was missing her left ring finger. What do you do with that?
Nothing...

That's the ideal butthole finger. She's broken goods.
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Old 08-17-2009, 07:50 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Nothing...

That's the ideal butthole finger. She's broken goods.
I can't believe you just said that. That's awesome.
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Old 08-17-2009, 08:56 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ASU2003 View Post
So, in the world of real-life dating, how does one find out if a girl already has a boyfriend?
If you can't figure out if she is single, how are you going to figure out how to be a boyfriend? Baby steps, sir.

You know you have to talk to her. It's uncomfortable sometimes, I get it. She may even not like you. OH NOES!

And then you go find one that does.

I am also very proud of several people in this thread. They know who they are. LOL.
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Old 08-17-2009, 09:12 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by PulpMind View Post
Make friends, then lovers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthetiq View Post
This really a no brainer...

+1 to both.

1. Ask her
2. Know anyone in common? Ask them.
3. Work it into convo. She won't lie.
4. Just start talking with her. If she has one, it'll come up.

Any of the above should work.
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Old 08-19-2009, 09:16 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Who cares if she has a boyfriend? Seriously, if you only talk or flirt with her if you think she doesn't have a boyfriend your world is too narrow. If she responds to conversation and/or flirting it could be that she doesn't have a boyfriend or is ready to leave the one she has, either way you could win. If she doesn't respond flirtatiously she may have a boyfriend, she may be gay or she may be from mars. Again, who cares? It is the outcome that matters.
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Old 08-21-2009, 10:44 AM   #30 (permalink)
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There are some people who always have an SO, even if it's not their ideal relationship. Those people may or may not be worth approaching, considering what your goals might be.

But yeah, just mention, "have a good weekend?" If she has a mouth in her head, she'll say "Oh yeah, WE went to the slug farm at the zoo!" or "no, nobody in my life, so it was toy box weekend again."
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Old 08-21-2009, 11:37 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Punk.of.Ages View Post
Is there a ring on her finger? No?

Then play ball...
Rings don't block holes.






I mean, you know, topographically speaking.
/terrible joke


Steer a conversation towards movies recently in theaters until there's one she hasn't seen, mention you haven't either, and ask if she wants to go see it with you (either directly as a date, or 'we should get some people together' kind of thing). If she says "No I have a boyfriend" or "Great, my boyfriend wants to see that as well!", there's your answer, if not, well, now you not only gained information, but have a date to boot!
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Old 08-21-2009, 11:56 AM   #32 (permalink)
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"by the way - can we fuck?"
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Old 08-21-2009, 12:09 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by twistedmosaic View Post
Steer a conversation towards movies recently in theaters until there's one she hasn't seen, mention you haven't either, and ask if she wants to go see it with you (either directly as a date, or 'we should get some people together' kind of thing). If she says "No I have a boyfriend" or "Great, my boyfriend wants to see that as well!", there's your answer, if not, well, now you not only gained information, but have a date to boot!
Terrible.

If she says "yes, my boyfriend wants to see that" you're stuck with making plans with the girl you want to bump uglies with and her bloody boyfriend.
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Old 08-23-2009, 06:50 AM   #34 (permalink)
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The key thing is that if she does have a boyfriend you must find a way to plant in her mind that you a bigger and stronger than he is...

But I personally would just go down the line of asking her if she wants to check out a movie with you whatever.... if she has a boyfriend its not like she's going to tell him about it and he's going to march into work and try and do something over it. If you dont feel like asking her out straight until you know I would just let her know in an uncommitted way that youre interested - and if she has a man (AND if she is faithful) she'll let you know about it and then you know. I guess the issue is if she has a man but might want a bit on the side... then its a question about how you feel.

Ive never cheated on anyone myself, but Ive dated girls who had boyfriends which is barely less immoral - although not long term.
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Old 08-23-2009, 07:05 AM   #35 (permalink)
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If she has the slightest incling that you might be interested in her, she will tell you if she's off-limits by bringing him/her up in discussion in an obvious way.

"Wanna go catch a movie Saturday?"
"Naw, my husband and I are going for a hike. Want to come?"
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Old 09-08-2009, 02:19 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Just talk to her, it'll come up. If it doesn't, ask. If that doesn't go well, that's her issue, not yours and it's really not worth dwelling on.
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Old 09-08-2009, 05:39 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Xerxys View Post
Terrible.

If she says "yes, my boyfriend wants to see that" you're stuck with making plans with the girl you want to bump uglies with and her bloody boyfriend.

No you're not. You just mutter "bitch" under your breath and walk away.
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:25 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by genuinegirly View Post
If she has the slightest incling that you might be interested in her, she will tell you if she's off-limits by bringing him/her up in discussion in an obvious way.

"Wanna go catch a movie Saturday?"
"Naw, my husband and I are going for a hike. Want to come?"
This is how SOME women act, assuming she even got the fact that you like her, which I am unsure of. You say you've only talked to her a couple of times, anyway. She might have no clue.
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