Strange Famous

Allright, so I was listening to this show on Radio 4 while driving this week.

Basically it was about whether grandparents should have legal visitation rights to their grandchildren

The show featured two couples who had gone to court to try and get access to their grandchildren

My initial view was that this was nonesense and that it should be 100% the parent/parents that decide. Most of the cases in dispute tend to be when a marriage splits up, and the parent that has custody of the kids doesnt want the mother/father in law to have access to the kids. It seemed to me that in both sides of the dispute the grandparents and the parent with custody seemed to be thinking of their own interests rather than the kids... but given that one parent is given custody that is surely on the basis that it is decided they are best placed to decide what is best for the kid.

I dont doubt that grandparents can form very close bonds with grandchildren - but my own view is that while we have to accept that as long as their is no risk or abuse suspected both parents should have some degree of access, the person with main custody should be able to dictate that a grandparent shouldnt be involved.

I think it goes without saying that if both parents are bringing up the child and they dont want the grandparents involved that is their decision.

But it isnt clear cut or simple. If the child has in the past developed a close relationship with grandparents, being kept away from them because the parent with custody is doing it for their own sake is hardly helpful to the child...

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Idyllic

I would have a stake in this argument in that my mother has been a extreme participant in the lives of my sisters children and that she should absolutely have a right to visit them without doubt. There was a time when my sister was going through her divorce that her ex used my sisters son against my mother to attempt to control my sister (he prevented my mother seeing her grandson unless she would support him over her own daughter), somebody call Geraldo, anyway, my mother has been a caretaker of these children, unpaid, for years and years. Yes, there are many circumstances in this day that need to be supported by the courts in regards to allowing grandparents access to their grandchildren. I can see where this needs to be a case by case situation, but something could be stipulated in the law that grandparents have a right to visitations, at least under supervision if mandated (forced by the custodial parent), a minimum four times a year, if for nothing else than that familial link (especially if there was visitations prior to the divorce). If the children do not want to be with the grandparents then that must be considered, even though this could be residual damage from an angered parent, the child's well being is always the most important issue.

Divorce, especially when it comes to immature, selfish parents who would use their own children as power pawns, is one of the most painful things a child can experience or a relative who loves these children can witness, there were and have still been moments when I thought this divorce would kill my mother, that is the reality of the bond she has developed with her grandson and without the law supporting these grandparents, well, they just need to, that's all.

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you can tell them all you want but it won't matter until they think it does

p.s. I contradict my contradictions, with or without intention, sometimes.

Hektore

Parents are guaranteed certain rights, like visitation, because they're also guaranteed certain responsibilities, like child support. Yes, grandparents can provide massive amounts of assistance in the rearing of a child, but they're under no obligation to. They can walk away as they see fit, so no I don't think they ought to have anything close to the same rights as parents where visitation is concerned.

Unless you also want to give them the responsibility. I don't think the courts should be allowed to force visitation unless the parents are also allowed to use the courts to force support.

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genuinegirly

My cousin in California is divorced. Her parents have played a large role in the life of her son, as have her ex-husband's parents. Both sets of grandparents have been involved with the custody battles and have specifically been given visitation rights over the years.

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