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Old 04-23-2011, 12:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
Mantus's Avatar
Can you recommend a life changing online community

Hello there Tilted Forum.

I've got a confession to make: I'm a life long procrastinator and addicted to wasting time. My whole life I've felt that I could be so much more if I could only get up off my ass and focus on...something.
I'm in a good place right now by most people's standards and it's freaking me out. I feel that despite all my fuck-ups and many character flaws life keeps giving me a chance. Now I'm in a difficult position because I have more to loose than ever. I know that inside me is an ability to throw everything I've worked for out the window; my family, love, friend, business, everything could disappear. If that happens I don't know if I'll be able to get back up again.

My whole life I've been trying to solve my problems alone. I keep looking for the answer and it hasn't found me yet. It's pride and shame that keeps me from reaching out and talking about my problems. Now I accept that I can't do this alone. I'm reaching out to my family and few close friends but my challenge is that I moved to Costa Rica for a fresh start. Of course that failed. My problems were never in the environment but inside me. This is why I also need the internet help me find a support groups.

Ideally I'm looking for groups that have a real life extension of their online communities. I don't want to deal with a bunch of key board jockeys who talk about their problems and do nothing about them.

Can you please recommend to me:

A group that deal with video game addiction. I've been using games to escape from the stress of reality since I first got my hand on an NES controller. While I may have some self control today tomorrow I could relapse and have another setback. This has to stop. I will never get anywhere if I don't deal with this problem.

A group for young entrepreneurs and/or retail businesses. I have a small retail business. Somehow it's successful and I need to connect with people who can give me advice on how to grow and expand.

A mentor group for people who want to live a better life. I need to learn how to be a better person. I read plenty of material on how to get from A to B but it's very difficult to get up this mountain all on my own. It's not the climb that scares me; it's when I slip and fall that I need someone to help me get back up.

Thank you
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Old 04-23-2011, 01:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: Manhattan, NY
I think that this community is a life changing one. I came here looking for porn, made some lifelong friends, and now take care of the place. I don't know many online communities that also have strong off line counterparts. They usually tend to be one or the other but never really a good balance between the two. The only exception I find is for very niche items like car clubs and even then it's questionable.

First and foremost, if you try to do it all at the same time, you'll probably fail and become more miserable than before. But let's break up what you're asking of the community here into something a bit more digestible because you've laid out an awful lot and put an awful lot onto your shoulders.

Let's start with addiction, that by itself can be very problematic. I cannot speak directly to video game addiction as my knowledge comes from substance abuse addiction. The AMA doesn't classify anything for video games or internet usage as addiction.

There's only some parallels that I can draw from which is the idea that relapse will be destruction. Since you know these things and have been able to get yourself up and away from the controller the best thing that you can do is keep doing what you've been doing. I do wonder what do you believe a group will do for you that you've not been able to do for yourself? What is it that you believe or expect will happen once you've found a group?
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.
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Old 04-23-2011, 02:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
still, wondering.
Ourcrazymodern?'s Avatar
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
I ain't got much, Mantus. YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL AS ANYONE. Looking for your answers to find you is backwards. EVERYONE HERE IS LOOKING FOR THE UNDERSTANDING YOU SEEM TO CRAVE. I don't play video games. I take some shit for that. Since you're willing to ask about that as a question, hear Cynthetic.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Jetée's Avatar
Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition
Originally Posted by Mantus View Post
A group that deal with video game addiction. I've been using games to escape from the stress of reality since I first got my hand on an NES controller. While I may have some self control today tomorrow I could relapse and have another setback. This has to stop. I will never get anywhere if I don't deal with this problem.
Here's something I found last week that might be of some use to you: Lifehacker, tips and downloads for getting things done

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq View Post
Let's start with addiction, that by itself can be very problematic. I cannot speak directly to video game addiction as my knowledge comes from substance abuse addiction. The AMA doesn't classify anything for video games or internet usage as addiction.
The AMA as a whole may not recognize 'online overload' as a treatable disease, but I have heard of reports of wellness centers cropping up in California, Tri-Cities, Wash. and New Hampshire for the weaning of teenagers from video games / facebook / porn.

In fact, it is almost ten years since I first heard of these recovery camps (think, fat camp) for digital dopers, but only within the last couple years has it reached our shores. It's not all that uncommon to see an unusual signage noting the location of these rehabs in Japan and in South Korea.
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.
Mohandas K. Gandhi
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Old 04-26-2011, 05:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: out west
i was going to recommend world of warcraft....
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Old 04-27-2011, 12:24 PM   #6 (permalink)
Location: venice beach, ca
i think the groups for both addiction and mentor could be one person... namely a therapist or a life coach. look on yelp and you can probably find someone that does both. just talking all that stuff out will make it less daunting and set yourself up to do better.

as for your business, i'd look for that offline. find a group of similar minded people through seminars or lectures and take it from there. this would be a double win because it would get you away from the video games too. in fact, i'd recommend picking an outdoor hobby you'd enjoy and join a meetup group for that. who knows, it might help grow your business through networking.
-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.
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Old 05-23-2011, 09:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Anchorage, AK
Mantus, I somewhat feel the same way. I am "lazy" in my eyes, but most say I am not. I dont know what you call it but i "consider the source" when they tell me this by looking at what they do in life or how they act or think that i sometimes brush it off. I need to keep on progressing.

this "life" game we play seems to be easy. you know, "paying bills, working, cleaning,eating." I feel that us as humans have alot to go and being sucked into random entertainment we lose track of that.

I tend to be "a loner" when it comes to these ideas. I tend to try to grow and progress as well as never losing my morality and beliefs of what is right and what is wrong in a society that is forever changing and trying to take from our basic beliefs.

I try to reach out to my "inner self" and be my worst critic. I would also love to surround myself by others who see what I am about (since i am an open book and let ppl know my thoughts as well as elaborate on them if they are confused.) and question me and tell me what they see so if they are wrong i can correct them and maybe change who I am to better myself.

this si where i go sometimes to "reach out" to new ideas and such.

Project Avalon Community Forum

label me what you want by that ONE link if you wish. that is cool. some of it is "whoa" and some is very good info.

so I say, reach my friend. reach for the stars. My hobby is to forever try to learn but never sacrifice the basic levels of morality (in my eyes.) in the process.

I too get caught up from time to time and "play online games" or watch a movie here and there. but I have to challenge myself to NOT over indulged in that stuff.

just my thoughts.

If i was "off track", I apologize.
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Old 05-28-2011, 11:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
zenda's Avatar
Location: London, England
Hi Mantus

Do you want to be better than in this good place, or would maintaining it be good enough?

Have you ever actually fallen?
And how did you get to the good place you are now?
Up to date, has your present history - your frequency and duration of procrastinating and time wasting been happening at the same time as your present history of getting to this good place you are at, at the moment?

Best wishes
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Old 05-31-2011, 07:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
Mantus's Avatar
Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated. I've tried but approaching this topic from any direction results in a novella sized post. So I have two dozen new pages in my personal journal that need to be condensed and cleaned up for public consumption.

At the moment I've come across a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and while I've failed to adopt the spiritual side of it the practical lessons of staying focused on what I'm doing at the present moment have helped tremendously.

I've reconnected with some old friends who are business conscious and may prove to be good role models.

I'm forcing myself to move forward by expanding my business and taking chances with my personal life.

Thank you for your responses. I'll be back to answer some questions when i feel more motivated to dig up the hurt. Cheers!
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:55 AM   #10 (permalink)
Location: South West, UK
Hey man.

Try getting your hands on a CD pack called Get The Edge by Tony Robbins.

He's a motivational speaker and basically gives you loads of tips and tricks to help transform all different areas of your life with a bit of get up and go..

The pack is about 8 CD's and deals with many different things.. relationships, finances, health.. its pretty good.

Its not a solution, but it sure gives you the mental clarity to get moving and make good postive decisions.
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Old 06-09-2011, 03:24 AM   #11 (permalink)
With regards to video game addiction, I might be able to chime in. In the summer/winter 2009 and early 2010, I played 50 hours a week of mostly Counterstrike Source and Killing Floor ..

1) The EASIEST way (I used it through college): make sure you buy a computer that's hard to upgrade, and most importantly, buy a crap-ass video card that can't play shit. And never upgrade it. It worked well in the early 2000's as crap-ass video cards can't play shit but even nowadays a $50 card can play most games. In this case, I'd use onboard graphics like Intel's built-in graphics; these are still so shitty you can't play squat.

2) MMO games: I never touch them. I treat it like cigarettes or drugs, touch it and die from addiction. I have never installed an MMO.

3) Semi-MMO with strong online addiction / communities like Diablo 2: Just give away all your hard-earned loot. Just like, give it to someone. It took you so long to build up your gear and then if you just give it away -- you'll be so disgusted you won't be back playing it.

4) Single-player addictive games like Diablo 2: use a cheat program and hack your player. All that character building is for.. just numbers in a binary file.

5) FPS games like Counter-strike, Left 4 Dead, Killing Floor, Unreal Tournament: try to play games where there is no leveling up involved. CS and UT have no leveling up but can still be addictive, but at the end of the day you can still limit yourself to less and less hours. Like losing weight - can't do it all at once. Also if you play enough you'll get bored.

Hope that helps.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:04 PM   #12 (permalink)
Location: venice beach, ca
this is a cool thread. i've been thinking a lot lately about addiction in general including video games and a lot of these posts were inspiring.

i'm a bit counter mainstream in my belief that self awareness and willpower are the muscles of your soul. if you flex them everyday and are persistent in doing a self scan and building the list of actions that are fulfilling and have progressed you each day, you can't help but build momentum through life and THAT will keep you away from addiction, eventually much more so than any support group or program.

to do this each person has to open up and get curious enough to lock in on what puts them in the zone of progress and feeling their life is on track. it doesn't matter if something is superficially faster with results or more powerful; it's what you can stick to through weeks and months that will evolve you.
-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.
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Old 07-04-2011, 08:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
Hey Mantus,

I know this is an old thread, but I'd like to throw my two cents out there anyway.

Can't help you with addiction and probably can't mentor you.

In the business department I'd like to help out. Marketing/management is my field. I have a good friend who's an ace in finance/accounting/controlling.

Let me know, if you're interested.

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Old 07-13-2011, 10:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
Location: Vancouver
Meetup.com offers both worlds, you get updates on your phone and get to explore quite a bit. Yesterday I went to a little pp presentation about how cancer is a cure not a disease, the medical field is the third leading cause of death in North America!! Yep

what I learned was both Interesting and logical
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