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Old 04-11-2004, 01:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
Prince's Avatar
Location: LV-426
Undesired friendships.

Ever had a "friend" that just didn't take a hint?

Enter wife's friend, let's call her "Laura". She got dumped by her boyfriend last year, and in her lack of other friends has latched onto my wife for frequent company and a social life. If a single day goes by that she doesn't call, I'll be truly amazed. It gets particularly bad on the weekends...that's when it feels as if the calls never stop. And then there's the drop-ins... *sigh* She is a co-worker of my wife's, so telling her to back off a little would just create an uncomfortable working environment for her. Besides, since my wife doesn't have other friends either, she likes hanging out with her now and then...and when she's not feeling up to it, she's usually too nice to tell her so.

As for me, I can't stand the bitch. Seriously. I was fine with her up until I started getting the distinct impression that she didn't like me. She had the tendency to invite my wife to do stuff with her, like go to a restaurant, and then add "and Mika can come, too". Gee, thanks. To top it all off she took it upon herself at one point to keep tabs on how my job hunt was going, and once when my wife told her that I hadn't found one, she said "well tell him that I'll call the INS about him if he doesn't get off his ass and find a job". Umm, 'k. At that point I was still working on getting my permanent residency, which as a process is no joyride, and quite frankly, despite the fact that there was no point to her calling anyone, much less the INS, about my unemployment, I just did not and do not find jokes like that amusing. At all. It's too fucking serious shit to joke about.

Anyway...my wife and I have little time for ourselves these days, and the weekends are the best chance we have to do stuff. Her constant interruptions are beginning to really annoy the fuck outta me.

I think having friends is very important, but what if someone is so desperate for company that they'll practically force themselves into your life, much to your disdain? I'd appreciate any stories you might have to share.
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Old 04-11-2004, 02:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
Nothing quite THAT bad...yikes. There is a guy, though, that IMs me every time I'm online (I'd block him, but he has 84,000 screen names...plus I'd feel guilty. Damn it!)

Anyway, he always hung out with us in high school. He was on tech crew for the drama productions, which meant he went to the cast parties, was at practice every night for the last few weeks, etc. He was also a Boy Scout, same as most of my male friends.

I think what annoys me the most is his unwilling-ness to let go of high school-- he always feels the need to update me on what's going on with people I haven't talked to in five years, and honestly, don't really care about because I never talked to them in school either

Do you have caller ID? Just don't pick up the phone when she calls...I know it's easy for me to get guilt-tripped into stuff if I actually talk to whomever I'm trying to avoid...
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."

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Old 04-11-2004, 03:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Denver City Denver
There is this cat that goes to the bar I hang out at and now work at. He's a nice enough guy. Kind of slow. As in he can't read very well and... yeah...

He and his wife just got a divorce and he doesn't have many good up-standing friends. Most left with his x-wife. He spends most of his time drinking and picking up bar-whores. He and I have become friends to a point. We've only humg out away from the bar maybe three times. Now I only call him a friend I don't really want because he isn't really my type of person. I don't really know what to do about it all. He is in a bad place in his life and the last thing I want to do is ditch him like everyone else has. I don't get it.
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Old 04-11-2004, 06:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
I used to BE that annoying friend to one of my friends once, but I never knew untill way after I realized he was making up excuses not to do stuff with me, and just plainly began disliking me without my knowledge. Unfortunately it all ended bitterly, we never spoke again after I tried to start a fight with him after I learned he was talking behind my back.

I say just plainly gather yourself and your wife and tell her the truth, tell her that she needs to moderate things and that she's just too close for comfort, and give her time to get over it.

The only problem is if she's psycho, maybe she'll kill you because she'll force herself to think you're preventing her from being better friends with your wife , in that case you might need to put yourself out of the picture.
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Old 04-11-2004, 07:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: Home sweet home
Well...not my friend. My mom's "friend."

She's this 55-60 year old hag that invites herself to our houses every once in a while. We don't mind having unvited guests, but every time she comes, its around DINNER time!! Its our family time dammit!! It's like she's trying to scrub off our food, 9 times out of 10 times of intrusion, she eats with us.

Ok..my dad and the rest of the family don't mind her about that part either. The worst part about her is that she talks too much and too loud. In the long "conversations" between her and my mom (a couple hours long) all I can hear my mom say is "yeahhh, yeahh" and so on and that bitch do the rest of the talking.

My dad and the rest of the family hated her so every time she comes, we all get up from the table and leave to give her the obvious hint that we don't want her. My dad would tell it to her face and my sibs and I would too, but my mom won't let us, plus that bitch got a big mouth, she'll go around spread rumors about us.

done ranting....phewwwww
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Old 04-11-2004, 08:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
Yea that does sucks, I have been on the recieving end of both. I use to bother a friend of mine so much to a point he disliked me. I quickly got the hint and drop back in the picture. Then all of the blue he got angry at me for not talking to him as much.

One other time, some guy and I use to work together on class projects for a college class. He would call me 4 am in the morning asking me the more irrelevant questions. Can't this wait?! I dropped him as a friend when I pissed him off and "accidentally" gave him wrong answers causing him to get a bad grade.
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Old 04-12-2004, 06:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Windy City
I have had people who tried to be friends and I had no desire to do the same, but I think it was mostly because I'm an RA and people wanted to "get on my good side" or something. In that case, I'd say to them that while I'm their RA and am concerned about what happens to them, I have to keep the relationship as professional as possible. That usually gets them to back off 9 times out of 10. Don't know if that's exactly something you'd be able to say, but you're not alone!
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna
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Old 04-12-2004, 10:34 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: Northern VA
A really good friend of mine (known for 15 years) is slowly making his way to the "I can't stand that dude" list. All this guy does is bitch.
I can't remember having a single conversation with this guy in the past year without him bitching about something. Sure it is good to vent, but can we at least have one conversation about something good?? Its gotten to the point where I totally avoid him. I saw him friday night after a long work day (he was out at our watering hole), and as soon as I sat down with my drink...he starts the bitching. He bitches so much, that he has me bitching here!
FUCK. Its frustrating.
I do try to avoid him, but he works in the same building and just comes to my cubicle with some sort of gripe about some "fucking cunt " who did this or that.
I tell him he needs to relax, but he doesn't. He doesn't get the hint when I try to change the subject in the middle of his rant.

I say we all just take a stand and let these people know before things get worse (easier said than done).
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Old 04-12-2004, 01:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Location: Louisville, KY
I don't believe in being rude to perfectly nice people who I just don't like, so as a result I have an abundance of friends/acquaintances who suck. I've just sort of accepted it as my lot in life. But, if a person is mean to me, I have no trouble cutting them loose. Get rid of people who are a drain on your emotions or finances. Keep the people who are just annoying. They may prove useful eventually.
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
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Old 04-12-2004, 04:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
Location: Flying over your house
I worked with this guy for 2 yrs and he and his friends used to come over to my house and play pool and stuff. My friend eventually quit and moved up north. His friend would just come over, usually just walk in, and start playing pool, open the fridge, etc. Sometimes I was in my room and would walk into the living room and he was there! WTF?!

I finally had to tell him to go away and I'm not his friend--I didn't even like him. I had to start locking the door and pretending that I wasn't home.

Also, caller id, Best invention EVER!
I can't believe I ate the whole thing!
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Old 04-12-2004, 09:42 PM   #11 (permalink)
lost and found
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Location: Berkeley
You know, somebody calling you on the weekend to go hang out or whatever is great, when you're in college and the whole living environment is very ad-hoc and casual. But in the grown-up world, where people have full-time jobs, families, mortgages, it's fucking rude to call them on the weekend and expect them to drop everything, even if you actually have nothing to do--because, for Pete's sake, having nothing to do is nice sometimes.

If I were in your shoes, I'd mention to your wife that her friend is being stupid and inconsiderate--just assuming you have nothing better to do than to entertain this woman outside of work. I'd make plans several days ahead of time to be nowhere near your home come Friday afteroon, several weeks in a row. If this woman has your wife's cell number, don't bring the cell. When the woman asks why you didn't call back (and I'll be very surprised if that isn't one of the first questions she asks--like it's any of her business!), tell her the truth: You wanted to get away. Do this enough times and she'll go looking elsewhere for entertainment, just like dropping eye contact with a stray animal.

Sure, it might get awkward, but the only alternative is a downward spiral where she just gets more and more grabby. These people never get clued in without a nudge, sometimes a shove.

My mother has this problem where she can't say no to door-to-door solicitors. She tells them she's just a house sitter. It's a white lie that makes things a little awkward, but the thing is, these people keep coming back because no one tells them not to. They will never stop coming until she does.
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Old 04-13-2004, 09:31 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Location: Oklahoma
My wife had a friend like this. She just never answered the phone when she called and would be short when she somehow ran into her. Eventually she got the message.
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Old 04-14-2004, 03:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: North Carolina
I have had a few. I usually end up just telling them to not bug me so much, or to quit showing up all the time.

One or two have, to my surprise, turned into real good friends.
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friendships, undesired

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