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Old 01-01-2005, 10:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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OK.
My day has officially blown goats.
I love my family dearly. However, this is TOO much.
I wake up this morning, having slept off -most- of last night's usual after-effects, to the sound of my telephone ringing. It's my sister. No big deal; I love my sister and am glad to hear from her. However, it is my sister calling to ask; "Can I come live with you?"
She's been living with my mom and stepdad for a few weeks, getting her feet under her while she recovered from a nasty breakup. She indulges, recreationally, in a certain dried green psychtrophic plant. This is not a problem with anyone in the family. However, my stepdad's buisiness is such that such substances CANNOT be found in/around his property. If they were, massive jailtime and total siezure of all his assets would be forthcoming. This being the case, there was a house-rule that she could smoke all she wanted, but no evidence could be in/on te property.
Well, last night, she came home and accidentally left her stash lying in the driveway...right out in the open. Stepdad found it this morning, natually, and tossed her out...naturally. This had been discussed beforehand, and was therefore no surprise to anyone.

So now I have two hours to prepare my 2-room apartment to recieve another human, another cat, and a shit-tonne of luggage.
I do so. I prepare. My apartment is spotless, there's room to walk and everything.
She gets here. I'm thinking "Ok, this won't be so bad, sibling bonding, blah blah blah." WRONG. I suddenly discover that, while living in a shoebox is fine when you're either by yourself or with your wife/girlfriend, sharing a shoebox with your younger sister is a -very- quick route to majortime claustrophobia.
I love my sister, and I love spending time with her. However, it's only been 6 hours, and the overwhelming sense that my house is no longer my own has really begun to get to me. Bear in mind that I more than doubled my previous rent, specifically so that I could have my own place, my own space.
I'd never begrudge her the crash-space and help she needs, but I'm going nuts. I'd already stipulated that she could stay for one week because that's all I could afford. However, I'm thinking it might take her significantly longer than that just to save up enough cash to move out.

Anybody got any suggestions? I'm going crazy here! I feel bad for feeling this way, but I want my space back!
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Old 01-01-2005, 10:18 PM   #2 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: melbourne australia
Stick to the week you agreed upon, while she is around,try to get invited out alot, and also make her earn her keep by doing housework,cooking etc. Hopefully she will get the message and find somewhere to live fast
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Old 01-01-2005, 11:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: land of pit vipers
You're a better sibling than I am. My brother wanted to move in with his wife and infant daughter and various animals for "a short time" until they could have a new roof put on the house they were moving into and add a room for all their crap that they have no place to put. I said no, so they rented a storage unit and had to move into the house before the work was done. That was 6 months ago, and they have done nothing about a new roof, therefore no homeowners insurance, and the new room is still in the dreaming stage. I would have gone bonkers if they had lived with me all this time. Your sister is fortunate to have you for a brother.
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Old 01-02-2005, 12:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
Boo
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Location: Alaska, USA
I wonder why she could not give up the weed while she stayed at your parents home or is she really only a recreational user? When depressed is she using more than normal?

If she cannot live by your parents rules, do you expect her to live by yours?

I expect your food bill to double.
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Old 01-02-2005, 01:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: Where morons reign supreme
Be firm, be consistent. I applaud you for being good enough to take your sister in, but don't let her walk all over you. Stick to the week. If she's still not out by then, find a shelter for her to stay in. That is a HUGE wake up call, especially because they won't tolerate the drugs. My brother and sister both have had to live in shelters in the past, and it was a huge kick in the butt to finding their own place. I have had both of them stay with me in the past, and I understand your feelings. It's hard to say no when a family member is in trouble...but if she can't abide by your parents rules, she's not going to want to abide by any you set and this is a set up for disaster. Good luck with all of this!
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Old 01-03-2005, 01:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: Right Here
When my brother came to crash at my place it was rough. I own a four bedroom home and it's just my wife and I, still it seemed that everwhere I turned I was seeing him or some mess he had made. I was happy that I could help him, he certainly needed some help at that point. The best thing we did was to sit down and make sure that he understood that my home was a only a safety net, he was there to get back on his feet and then move on. I told him that I would help him in every way I could, but I needed to see him helping himself or my help would end.

Good luck, keep being a "good" sister, help her but don't let her use you as a longterm crutch.
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Old 01-03-2005, 03:42 PM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Dallas, Texas
Sorry about the goat blowing day, it can take a while to get THAT taste out of your mouth.
Well, sounds like you're a good sibling. Your sister needed you and you are helping out. Kudos to you! A week is a pretty quick time to find a place to live if you don't have cash in hand. If you can stand it, give her two weeks to a month BUT she has to show she is saving money to move. She can pay you a weekly "rent" which you can set aside for her to use to move the hell out! If she can buy weed, she can set aside cash for moving. In fact you might specify that she is not allowed to buy weed or for that matter anything but food/neccesities until she gets a place. If she doesn't show a genuine effort to get her act together then give her the boot, otherwise you'll have a roommate for a long, long time.
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Old 01-04-2005, 12:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: Tokyo, Japan
Yeah, don't let her mooch for to long. Give her some healthy nudges towards jobs/apartments. But don't let her move into horrid place.
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Old 01-05-2005, 07:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
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my suggestion? tell her. if it were me, i'd be inspired to get my shit together if my family member was going nuts in their house because i was there. but even if you can't do that, set some ground-rules that will make your life tolerable while she's there.

you know that lovely phrase parents get to toss about when kids get pissy--my house my rules? yeah, you get to use that now
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