Looking for Happiness in all the wrong places. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Coll Storm · 01-04-2005, 08:17 PM

I'm reading a book that has had a profound effect on me. I think that it actually may set me in a totally different direction in my life, that I didn't expect.

It has a saying in it about not relying on other people for your happiness, but let's face it... we all tend to do that.

I've looked to so many people and have helped so many people in my life, that I have ignored probably the most important person in my life, that person being me.

Over the summer I found out that my hair was thinning. Instead of living with the thinning hair and worrying about it, I shaved my head and embraced the fact that I was going to eventually be bald.

People got used to me being bald, because I shaved it off every week. Two weeks ago I decided to let it grow in again and some of my friends started commenting on the fact that I should let it grow in.

I then shaved it off again and my good friend/boss told me that I looked terrible with a bald head and that I should grow it back. She continued to harp on it for the next two hours. I told her that "It's my hair and other people's opinions didn't matter to me about it", but then she said that "if that's true, then you wouldn't have shaved your head to begin with".

I saw her point, but she couldn't see mine clearly. It didn't matter what other people thought and that's why my head was shaved. It wasn't the fact that I was uncomfortable going bald, but more comfortable with my head totally shaved.

She then told me "that you look terrible ( yes, again ) and other people thought so". Other people being the parents of the children we care for. I told her "that I haven't heard anyone say anything and that if they have a problem with it, they should come to me". She then got several of the children to comment on how "terrible I looked".

I then tell one of my co-workers about my conversation with her and how she mentioned the parents being upset with my baldness. My co-worker just laughed, because of how stupid that sounded.

I'm 35 years old and I'm just starting to figure out that I have done everything in the past to please other people, but not myself. If you don't like my bald head, then don't look at it.

Sorry, if this sounds like a rant, but I needed to find an outlet to express it and this is my way how. I'm even thinking of changing my profession, because I'm not really happy anymore with teaching, because of the lack of respect and pay that goes with it. I really have a passion to help out the children too, but I'm sick of being shitted on daily.

Here's to the future and the only opinion that matters at the end of the day... my own.

KirStang · 01-04-2005, 11:28 PM

I applaud your strength. Too many of us look to others for approval in an attempt to fit in. We're always looking to others for approval, whether it be "does this make me look fat," or "How did i do." And it's cool that you have stopped...

Er, yea i know my thoughts are jumbled, but I'm feelin' ur post.

maleficent · 01-05-2005, 05:39 AM

Sounds like those people should read the same book that you've read, to find their own happiness from inside themselves, and not not make themselves feel better by putting down someone else. Since we can't help but let other people's comments affect us, either positively or negatively, the world would be a much better place if people kept their comments to themselves, and we let our self worth come from within ourselves.

My 37 year old brother started going bald in his late teens, early 20s, he went the prescription route to help grow hair (since it was covered under my parents insurance (he was still in school) He graduated and started working, and extra money for hair growth drugs (Which worked great) were not in his budget, so he stopped taking them, and in a few months, all his hair fell out (nasty side effect of those drugs when you stop taking them) He's been shaving his head for the better part of a decade, and looks great with it. If you are happy with your look, that's all that matters.

Coll Storm · 01-05-2005, 05:43 PM

Believe it or not the book comes from the most unlikely of sources...

Wil Wheaton: Just a Geek

El Kaz · 01-05-2005, 08:12 PM

No way! I've been thinking about reading that book for a while.. now with your post I'm gonna rush and get it as soon as I can!
Finding happiness and achievements for yourself is in itself a great achievement, I wish you luck with it.. who knows, maybe the illumination will hit me too when I read it

Cynthetiq · 01-06-2005, 12:27 PM

reminds me of the fable of the father, son, and the mule...

where townspeople tell them each to ride the mule, father, then son, then something happens and the mule or son dies.

I don't recall the exact fable, but I took away from it learning that I should not care what other people think of what I'm doing.

st33lr4t · 01-06-2005, 01:18 PM

nothing better then the "who cares what they think" way of thinking.

i work in a hospital and have a mohawk. not a day goes by that someone doesnt comment on my hair. no one ever says anything about how i perform my job, they just focus on my hair. people are stupid.

congrats on your new outlook on life

Coll Storm · 01-06-2005, 02:21 PM

If your hair doesn't interfere with the duties of your job, then they should just shut the hell up and be done with it.

01-04-2005, 08:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
Coll Storm Crazy Location: Boston	Looking for Happiness in all the wrong places. I'm reading a book that has had a profound effect on me. I think that it actually may set me in a totally different direction in my life, that I didn't expect. It has a saying in it about not relying on other people for your happiness, but let's face it... we all tend to do that. I've looked to so many people and have helped so many people in my life, that I have ignored probably the most important person in my life, that person being me. Over the summer I found out that my hair was thinning. Instead of living with the thinning hair and worrying about it, I shaved my head and embraced the fact that I was going to eventually be bald. People got used to me being bald, because I shaved it off every week. Two weeks ago I decided to let it grow in again and some of my friends started commenting on the fact that I should let it grow in. I then shaved it off again and my good friend/boss told me that I looked terrible with a bald head and that I should grow it back. She continued to harp on it for the next two hours. I told her that "It's my hair and other people's opinions didn't matter to me about it", but then she said that "if that's true, then you wouldn't have shaved your head to begin with". I saw her point, but she couldn't see mine clearly. It didn't matter what other people thought and that's why my head was shaved. It wasn't the fact that I was uncomfortable going bald, but more comfortable with my head totally shaved. She then told me "that you look terrible ( yes, again ) and other people thought so". Other people being the parents of the children we care for. I told her "that I haven't heard anyone say anything and that if they have a problem with it, they should come to me". She then got several of the children to comment on how "terrible I looked". I then tell one of my co-workers about my conversation with her and how she mentioned the parents being upset with my baldness. My co-worker just laughed, because of how stupid that sounded. I'm 35 years old and I'm just starting to figure out that I have done everything in the past to please other people, but not myself. If you don't like my bald head, then don't look at it. Sorry, if this sounds like a rant, but I needed to find an outlet to express it and this is my way how. I'm even thinking of changing my profession, because I'm not really happy anymore with teaching, because of the lack of respect and pay that goes with it. I really have a passion to help out the children too, but I'm sick of being shitted on daily. Here's to the future and the only opinion that matters at the end of the day... my own.

01-05-2005, 05:39 AM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Sounds like those people should read the same book that you've read, to find their own happiness from inside themselves, and not not make themselves feel better by putting down someone else. Since we can't help but let other people's comments affect us, either positively or negatively, the world would be a much better place if people kept their comments to themselves, and we let our self worth come from within ourselves. My 37 year old brother started going bald in his late teens, early 20s, he went the prescription route to help grow hair (since it was covered under my parents insurance (he was still in school) He graduated and started working, and extra money for hair growth drugs (Which worked great) were not in his budget, so he stopped taking them, and in a few months, all his hair fell out (nasty side effect of those drugs when you stop taking them) He's been shaving his head for the better part of a decade, and looks great with it. If you are happy with your look, that's all that matters. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-06-2005, 12:27 PM	#6 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	reminds me of the fable of the father, son, and the mule... where townspeople tell them each to ride the mule, father, then son, then something happens and the mule or son dies. I don't recall the exact fable, but I took away from it learning that I should not care what other people think of what I'm doing. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

01-04-2005, 11:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
KirStang Future Bureaucrat	I applaud your strength. Too many of us look to others for approval in an attempt to fit in. We're always looking to others for approval, whether it be "does this make me look fat," or "How did i do." And it's cool that you have stopped... Er, yea i know my thoughts are jumbled, but I'm feelin' ur post.

01-05-2005, 05:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
Coll Storm Crazy Location: Boston	Believe it or not the book comes from the most unlikely of sources... Wil Wheaton: Just a Geek

01-05-2005, 08:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
El Kaz Crazy Location: Canada	No way! I've been thinking about reading that book for a while.. now with your post I'm gonna rush and get it as soon as I can! Finding happiness and achievements for yourself is in itself a great achievement, I wish you luck with it.. who knows, maybe the illumination will hit me too when I read it

01-06-2005, 01:18 PM	#7 (permalink)
st33lr4t Psycho Location: Dallas, Tx	nothing better then the "who cares what they think" way of thinking. i work in a hospital and have a mohawk. not a day goes by that someone doesnt comment on my hair. no one ever says anything about how i perform my job, they just focus on my hair. people are stupid. congrats on your new outlook on life

01-06-2005, 02:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
Coll Storm Crazy Location: Boston	If your hair doesn't interfere with the duties of your job, then they should just shut the hell up and be done with it.