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Old 01-08-2005, 02:41 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: BC, Canada
kinda regret something


just broke up with my girlfriend this week. the break-up was kind of a fight but at the end i'm just like "well, it's over.." and we both walked away(this was at school)...so the next day i talked to her about still being friends because we weren't on totally bad terms with each other, just when we broke up i was angry about previous complications. And the reason we broke up was because currently she was ALWAYS busy, i mean we never hung out anymore or even talked much she just didn't have the time. So it was pretty hard on me, i mean i was understanding for a while but then i just started getting angry for her not calling me and stuff (i didnt wanna call her if she was in the middle of something). So when it ended (it seemed pretty mutual), soon after i felt VERY refreshed, i guess, and just excited for the future for some reason, but those feelings lasted for a day.
so when i talked to her the next day about still being friends, (during this feeling of 'happiness') i told her that "I really didn't have feelings for her any longer", and "I'm sure we can both agree that we're not meant for each other" . And i really meant that when i said it! and her reply was, "ya i guess so..." (it was over an instant messenger btw)
However, now, i totally regret saying that! i keep thinking, like in the future, since we may remain friends, and since she was only really busy at this time in her life, she'd have time for me sometime. And also, she had told me SO many times how much she "loved me so incredibly much", and how much of a deep feeling she had about me.... and i was totally developing the same feelings towards her near the end when she started getting really busy and i really have those feelings about her now... infact i feel stronger about the two of us than i ever did before now that we've broken up... but i don't feel it can resume because her life is full of too many things i won't bother mentioning... And of course what i said the day after we broke up. i can't believe i said that. and i can't just tell her i 'take back what i said', they were pretty strong words, you know?

So this is just a confusing, weird, emotional situation for me.. i wonder what she's thinking, she looked kinda sad at school to be honest but it could have been about other things. but she seemed really awkward towards me though, during class she didn't look my direction once. we never made eye contact (and i know her well, thats how she gets when she likes a guy a lot -- thats how she was to me before we started dating)
i really do love her now more than ever, i could go on an on about her but i won't. i think if she may feel the same way tho but i have no way of knowing
Makes me wonder if its possible to end such a deep relationship because one partner is too busy...
i just felt like talking about this, and i would appreciate some feedback. and i love how open everyone is on this forum
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Old 01-08-2005, 04:26 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Never burn a bridge, for you lose what you forgot on the other side.......and you Always forgot something on the other side, Always.
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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
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Old 01-08-2005, 05:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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The wise man speaks the truth, and a word of advice: IMs, emails, and the phone do NOT replace the face to face interaction. With such emotional and raw times, you need to be able to see each other's faces and read the body language. Saying I'm sorry goes a LONG way too. People change, but it's best to stay honest with her at let her know how you feel RIGHT NOW, if you ever want there to be a chance for you guys in the future.
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Old 01-08-2005, 07:13 AM   #4 (permalink)
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guitardude, mate, race over to her house right now and tell her you're sorry, tell her how you feel about her and tell her that you know this is a bad time for the both of you. School is in the way, you're both busy, but that's going to end as soon as the school year's out. You've got to be man enough to realize that school takes priority over high school/college relationships, and I think you're only just realizing that now. Tell her you realize that, tell her you want to be with her now. Mate, you know that she's busy these days with school and all the rest of it, but if you two can sit and talk to each other about it, and work out some compromises and make time for each other, then I think you'll be happy with her again.

You can keep your pride or think that you've ruined your chances, or you can run over there right now and tell her how you feel and you might win her back, and not make the same mistakes again. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but from what you've posted I don't think all is lost.
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Old 01-08-2005, 07:32 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Your chances of getting back with her decrease with time. Don't let her get over you, convince her the earliest you can.. is it a guaranteed success? No, but from what you're saying, it's worth a try.
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Old 01-08-2005, 11:37 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: BC, Canada
thanks for the advice guys, it really helps. but i still think i need more time to think about what to do though.. she just hardly has time for a boyfriend (REALLY close family, lots of close friends, school, sports...), even though i like her a lot i probably won't be happy about the relationship (i wasn't happy before, i was at the beginning however when she had more time)
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Old 01-08-2005, 12:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Not to sound harsh, but if she loved you "so incredibly much," why wasn't she more upset about the break up?

But I agree, if you regret breaking up with her, call her asap and talk to her. However, if I were in your shoes, I would just remain friends. I have no time for a girlfriend who has no time for me.
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Old 01-08-2005, 01:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Just be friendly with her, if at some later date, things are right, you can always look at picking up where you left off. Just keep it nice, keep it friendly, make sure she knows you like her, and that it was just circumstance that means it's not right at the moment. You could still go out on the occasional date, still stay in touch and everything.

It still amazes me how we tie ourselves in knots about whether we can be labelled boyfriend/girlfrind or not. Really, re the two of you before and after your conversation. What's changed? You're still both the same people, who feel the same things about each other as you did before. You've just expressed your wishes/plans for the future - it shouldn't be a biggie.

So ask her out for a fun date, stay good friends - It could get complicated, but hey, that's all part of life's rich tapestry right?
 
Old 01-08-2005, 01:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
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guitardude, do you really care enough for her to accept her resuming her life of so many activities? She obviously has set her priorities and many of them do not include you. I would be wary of getting back into a relationship where you feel so left out.

No matter what people say, they don't change easily and many times will have negative feelings to those who try and force them. It's probably you who has to adapt.
Sorry if this sounds like Dear Abby, LOL.
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Old 01-08-2005, 01:39 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: BC, Canada
i'm feeling what carn says, i need someone with more time for me. i think we'll just remain friends for now, and perhaps at a later time we can continue it IF she's got more time, cuz otherwise i'm just gonna feel left out again
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Old 01-08-2005, 03:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Location: BC, Canada
now sometimes i feel like i don't wanna be romantic with her at all, i get like an overwhelming feeling of wanting to just be really good friends with her, she's just a really incredible person. i dunno what the hells wrong with me. i should probably talk to her but i can't till next week because she's away
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Old 01-14-2005, 11:55 AM   #12 (permalink)
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That's some mood swing there, champ.

I think you need to sit down and do some long hard deep thinking about what it is you're looking for, not just from this relationship, but from relationships in general. You're coming off like you have no idea what you want, though I'm only going on the little bit you present here. If you want to rekindle something romantic with this girl, I'd urge caution. Never, ever go into a relationship with reservsations, hoping your SO will change in time. It does not work that way, and it's not worth the time and heartache to try and fail. It has to be all or nothing on both counts, or you might as well not bother, in my opinion.

It's a fact of life in any relationship that there will be time clashes and scheduling problems. What it comes down to is how much you're prepared to bend around these things in order to be with her. Sounds like that wasn't very much in your case. And that's cool, just don't kid yourself that you could have forced it to work out, or could again. You had very specific reasons why you were dissatisfied, and it wouldn't necessarily be the best thing for her to compromise by giving up her activities, if that would have made her unhappy. You can't make a happy relationship between two unhappy people.

All that said, I'm sure you could still be friends with her, if you went back to her open-handed and genuine, but don't expect anything more than that.
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