Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Life


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-10-2005, 01:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
frogza's Avatar
 
Location: Right Here
Most creative/dumb excuse to miss work

This morning a guy called me to tell me he wouldn't make it in to work today. I asked why and he told me that his ten year old son was attacked by his neighbors chinchilla. For those who don't know what a chinchilla is, it's a small rodent that's like a rabbit, only smaller. I asked him how it happened, he told me that his son was waiting for the bus and the chinchilla must have jumped the fence and just attacked his son.

At this point I was trying not to laugh. I said"I thought they were pretty docile."

He answered "Yea, but my neighbers are real jerks, they probably tease it a lot and made it mean"

This guy was doing his best to sound alarmed and insisted that he needed to get his son to the hospital. I told him that I was fine with him staying home, but that I wanted him to google chinchilla before he came back tomorrow.

So what creative or just plain dumb excuses have you heard, or given to get out of work?
frogza is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 02:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
Junkie
 
You wanna watch those chinchillas... Besides, even if it just nipped him, it could have rabies.

/thinks of the killer rabbit scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail movie


Silliest excuse I've ever heard? "I thought it was Sunday".

Where'd I hear it? Coming from my own mouth. And it was true. I did think it was Sunday.


Mr Mephisto
Mephisto2 is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 02:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
Insane
 
Cadwiz's Avatar
 
Location: work
I worked with a guy that actually told our boss with a straigt face, "I was kicked in the balls by a goat."
Now, he claims he was trying to hold the goat so his daughter could pet it. I hope that this was the case, but one can never be sure of these things.
__________________
Semper Fi
Cadwiz is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 02:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
Junkie
 
That's the funniest thing I've ever heard Cadwiz.

I've just got to use that one sometime!


Mr Mephisto
Mephisto2 is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 02:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
Fade out
 
Location: in love
Quote:
Originally Posted by frogza
This morning a guy called me to tell me he wouldn't make it in to work today. I asked why and he told me that his ten year old son was attacked by his neighbors chinchilla. For those who don't know what a chinchilla is, it's a small rodent that's like a rabbit, only smaller. I asked him how it happened, he told me that his son was waiting for the bus and the chinchilla must have jumped the fence and just attacked his son.

At this point I was trying not to laugh. I said"I thought they were pretty docile."
So what creative or just plain dumb excuses have you heard, or given to get out of work?
wow, that really made me laugh . . . . how dangerous this chinchilla's can be . . .

i would happen to fall into the 'dumb excuses' category . . . when i was a teenager . . . i used the very non-original excuse of saying my dog had died and i was just too upset to come in . . . The only thing about saying someone or something has died is that ya feel a little guilty when they ask if you want to talk about it and offer their support for a dog that doesn't exist But i was just a dumb kid . . . sigh....... Good times, good times . . .

Now, i don't use excuses, having a serious job entails that i need to be responsible (that whole damn responsible thing, gets in the way every time!) . . plus, with the career market as competitive as it is . . . if i slip up . . . there will be someone there to take my place in a matter of days . . .
__________________
Having a Pet Will Change Your Life!
Looking for a great pet?! Click Here!
"I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"
Sweetpea is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 03:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
...is a comical chap
 
Grasshopper Green's Avatar
 
Location: Where morons reign supreme
I've never called in except for a death in the family and getting a sprained ankle...how boring am I?

I did have a boss once that was so hung over he came in several hours late. He "forgot" he had to work the next day
Grasshopper Green is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 03:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
Helplessly hoping
 
pinkie's Avatar
 
Location: Above the stars
I'd never use my child as an excuse to miss work. What makes you think he was not telling the truth?
pinkie is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 03:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
You're going to have to trust me!
 
MacGuyver's Avatar
 
Location: Massachusetts
No boss ever questions my excuse when I was asked why I was late:

"You're 30 minutes late!"
"I know, I had diarrhea."

They wont look at me without a sense of "I really didn't need to know that" for the rest of the shift. Whatever works right?
__________________
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
---Aristotle

Deeds, not words, shall speak [for] me.
---John Fletcher
MacGuyver is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 03:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
Quote:
Originally Posted by frogza
This morning a guy called me to tell me he wouldn't make it in to work today. I asked why and he told me that his ten year old son was attacked by his neighbors chinchilla. For those who don't know what a chinchilla is, it's a small rodent that's like a rabbit, only smaller. I asked him how it happened, he told me that his son was waiting for the bus and the chinchilla must have jumped the fence and just attacked his son.

At this point I was trying not to laugh. I said"I thought they were pretty docile."

He answered "Yea, but my neighbers are real jerks, they probably tease it a lot and made it mean"

This guy was doing his best to sound alarmed and insisted that he needed to get his son to the hospital. I told him that I was fine with him staying home, but that I wanted him to google chinchilla before he came back tomorrow.

So what creative or just plain dumb excuses have you heard, or given to get out of work?

Maybe his son is stuart Little -- then the chinchilla could do some serious damage... I had a chinchilla once... damn thing couldn't jump out of it's cage... The jumping the fence is where he took the story into -- no freakin' way.... otherwise I might go with rabid beastie (My chin used to bite when he was annoyed, and he would draw blood too -- had damn sharp teeth)

Back when I was a retail store manager, I managed a union shop, so it was very difficult to unload problem children, the union would fight terminations, so it was just too difficult to fight the union, a lot of the employees knew that, so we'd find ways to get around the union to get rid of people. I had one girl who used to call out every other Saturday wiht really bad cramps - ooooooh she was in pain... yah whatever - strap on a heating pad like the rest of us... finally, after this chick getting her period every other week, I told her I was very concerned about her health, what she was experiencing wasn't normal, and she better go to the doctor immediately to get her checked out. Oh, and I wouldn't let her come back to work until I got a note releasing her from the union doctor. Never did get that release from her.
__________________
Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
maleficent is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 04:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
pow!
 
clavus's Avatar
 
Location: NorCal
The snow is perfect. I can't come in because I'm skiing.

Honesty. It works.
__________________
Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.
clavus is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 08:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
Observant Ruminant
 
Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town
Once, on a contract job, I phoned in to say I couldn't make it because a giant tree had fallen across the highway and blocked all four lanes. My client said, "Yeah, right," and hung up. Then he went home in the evening, turned on the news and saw video of a giant tree lying across the highway.

It was a stupid excuse, but it happened to be true. He apologized.
Rodney is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 08:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
Boo
Leave me alone!
 
Boo's Avatar
 
Location: Alaska, USA
I still like the one about having "Anal Glaucoma", I just can't see my ass coming to work today.
__________________
Back button again, I must be getting old.
Boo is offline  
Old 01-10-2005, 09:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: uhhhh
Chinchillas??? Cutest animal there is...and they'll only bite you if you come after them...if they don't like you, they'll just hop away all cute like. They can be great pets.
__________________
Still Looking
mingusfingers is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 07:37 AM   #14 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: The Kitchen
One morning, about an hour before I had to start work, I got a call from a co-worker. Apparently he was over the border in Quebec, had been drinking all night, got ditched by his friends and was now stranded. He called to ask me to tell the boss that he couldn't make it into work. I asked why he couldn't call him himself, and he said he was using his last quarter to call me... whatever. I told him I'd pass the message on.
When I got into work I told the boss about my phone call, and why the guy wouldn't be in today. He wasn't very pleased.
The next morning, the guy showed up, and the boss called him into the office. When asked where he was yesterday, he said something about a friend in the hospital or something, the boss called bullshit on him and fired him.

We had another guy who didn't show up for two days because he was hiding from people he owed money to.
rockzilla is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 08:09 AM   #15 (permalink)
Professional Loafer
 
bendsley's Avatar
 
Location: texas
I called my boss one morning and told him that I was staying home because I was not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," I told him in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?", he asks.

"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
__________________
"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."
bendsley is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 09:00 AM   #16 (permalink)
Submit to me, you know you want to
 
ShaniFaye's Avatar
 
Location: Lilburn, Ga
fortunately where I work the guys are real good about it if I have to be out (Im the only female here) because I am a migraine sufferer its not "uncommon" to have to call in.

Im also not one to call in sick just cause I dont wanna go it, and if I AM sick a lot of times they have to send me home cause I come in anyway....that said...

I had to call in last year because I was too sunburnt to wear any clothes, I had been at the renn fair all day in a skimpy halter and burned REALLY bad, I told them either I could wear that halter into work or I could stay home cause I couldnt get a bra on (Im a 48 dd) or a shirt of any other kind.....they let me stay home
__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!
ShaniFaye is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 09:05 AM   #17 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
Willravel's Avatar
 
My wife called and said she had that plague the other week.

As for me? I decided to go to the Mac Expo - in London - a few years back, and miss work because of it. What did I tell them? I was invited to Richard Harris's (if you don't know who Richard Harris is, you're problaby under 18) funeral. I felt bad when I got there, so I made some calls and went to visit his grave.
Willravel is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 12:21 PM   #18 (permalink)
Ella Bo Bella
 
Ella's Avatar
 
Location: Australia
Quote:
Originally Posted by bendsley
I called my boss one morning and told him that I was staying home because I was not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," I told him in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?", he asks.

"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
Hehe...like this one a lot.

I've heard a lot of excuses, and in my old job if we were a little suss we would request a medical certificate. That usually sorted them out.

Mr Mephisto...I actually went to work on my day off once. I only did it the once, but I felt pretty bloody silly!
__________________
"Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."
Ella is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 12:59 PM   #19 (permalink)
Life's short, gotta hurry...
 
Grancey's Avatar
 
Location: land of pit vipers
A co-worker called to say she couldn't make it in because the closet rod had collapsed. Oh, there were more.....
__________________
Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.
Grancey is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 01:19 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
StanT's Avatar
 
Location: Colorado
I called in lost once. I went canoeing with my girlfriend (now wife), found my way to civilization just as my shift was starting. After seeing my nifty poison ivy rash the next day, no one gave me shit.
StanT is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 04:57 PM   #21 (permalink)
Addict ed to smack
 
skinnymofo's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle
me and a friend of mine went and visited my house for a few days so we took the tour bus home (We were living on Mt Rainier). Well 1night really wasnt enough time to be home so we purposefully missed the bus and took it on our "monday" to go back up
we called about 2 hours late and the whole crew is laughing, the boss gets on the phone and says thanks guys you won me 5 bucks come in whenever you are able to.
skinnymofo is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 06:31 PM   #22 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: San Diego
Chinchilla!!! Holy crap that is the funniest thing I have ever heard. The most recent job is the only time I have ever called in sick. I would generally say my stomach was upset. I really hated that job and didn't care if they fired me. It was crappy pay and even crappier work.
__________________
If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is....
punx1325 is offline  
Old 01-11-2005, 10:25 PM   #23 (permalink)
Tilted
 
While a section chief at Seymour Johnson AFB NC, I as a young airman why he was late for work the very next day after I told him no more excuses or he was in big trouble. The excuse......My wife was taking a SH*T and I did not want to leave the kid running around the house unsupervised"

His being to work on time everytime started the very next day.........LOL

TRUE STORY
FishKing is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 12:47 AM   #24 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Florida
I called in sick once because I was hung over. Under normal circumstances I'd go to work anyway, but that time I had also ended up 500 miles away. Had a bit too good of a weekend.
irseg is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 05:51 AM   #25 (permalink)
Registered User
 
frogza's Avatar
 
Location: Right Here
The guy who gave me the chinchilla excuse came in yesterday and admitted that he didn't even know what a chinchilla was and that I wouldn't either. Turns out he wanted to reward his kid for scoring good on a test, so he checked him out of school and they just hung out all day. (He even had his son's teacher call me so I wouldn't think he was making htis one up too) We had a good laugh when he told me that he had followed my instructions to google chinchillas and had seen what they were. After that I fired his butt and told him he had five minutes to clean out his desk.

Of course I'm kidding about the firing part, I wish more parents took that much interest in their kids.
frogza is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 06:05 AM   #26 (permalink)
peekaboo
 
ngdawg's Avatar
 
Location: on the back, bitch
Worked with a girl who, on most Mondays, would call in sick-probably hungover most times. One Monday, after an hour or so, our boss comes into our section, asks us angrily if we've seen her yet, and after a group 'no', storms back into her office, mumbling about firing this girl. A short time later, she comes back to us and announces quitely that the girl's father has died. He'd passed away in his sleep over the weekend. After that, the girl wasn't out so much and our boss wasn't so quick to anger.
ngdawg is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 07:22 AM   #27 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
I don't call out, I just show up fifteen minutes late everyday.

I'm completely serious.
MSD is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 07:43 AM   #28 (permalink)
zen_tom
Guest
 
A colleage of mine from years ago was late to work because

"My bus driver had a fight"
 
Old 01-12-2005, 07:55 AM   #29 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: You'd never guess..
I've missed work and came in the next day, saying my grandmother had passed away. (She has been dead for awhile, so I didn't feel too bad). Well, then I had to provide a card from the funeral to prove I was at a funeral the day before.

It took some time, but I came up with one from a funeral the day I called in, for an older lady whom I did not know but it worked.

I still feel a little bad about that one. Now I just use diarrhea as an excuse, keeping it simple.
IowaEric is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 09:56 AM   #30 (permalink)
zen_tom
Guest
 
They asked you to bring a card as proof??
That's VERY cynical management - I'd honestly think about working somewhere else if someone did that to me.
 
Old 01-12-2005, 01:16 PM   #31 (permalink)
Tilted Cat Head
 
Cynthetiq's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
As a manager one of the "free" passes I would accept was "getting some" for being late... but missing the whole day was a whol different matter.

One time a coworker told the supervisor that the subway train had a flat tire so that's why he was late.
__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.
Cynthetiq is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 02:57 PM   #32 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Florida
Quote:
Originally Posted by frogza
The guy who gave me the chinchilla excuse came in yesterday and admitted that he didn't even know what a chinchilla was and that I wouldn't either.
You should ask him why he didn't just claim his neighbor's dog bit his kid. Why did he have to get creative and say it was an animal he doesn't even know about? That's what killed his story.
irseg is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 03:14 PM   #33 (permalink)
Addict
 
Vincentt's Avatar
 
Location: Tokyo, Japan
I would always say "I can't come in today."
Most of the time they didn't ask me anything about it.
When they would ask I would say "its personal."
__________________
.
Vincentt is offline  
Old 01-12-2005, 03:40 PM   #34 (permalink)
whoopity doo
 
Bobaphat's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle
Quote:
Originally Posted by willravel
(if you don't know who Richard Harris is, you're problaby under 18)
I had no idea who he was until I looked him up and I am 28. Anyway, I always use the standard "I'm not feeling well." My staff tend to use the same. Boring but it works since its illegal to ask staffers what is wrong with them in my state.
__________________
--size matters not-- yoda
Bobaphat is offline  
Old 01-13-2005, 01:59 PM   #35 (permalink)
Registered User
 
frogza's Avatar
 
Location: Right Here
Quote:
Originally Posted by irseg
You should ask him why he didn't just claim his neighbor's dog bit his kid. Why did he have to get creative and say it was an animal he doesn't even know about? That's what killed his story.
He siad that he thought that a more exotic sounding animal might be more convincing. He said that he thought that the weirder the excuse the more believable it is because the more common ones sound to cliche.
frogza is offline  
Old 01-13-2005, 02:40 PM   #36 (permalink)
pow!
 
clavus's Avatar
 
Location: NorCal
I used this excuse yesterday -

It has been storming a lot, but a high-pressure area just settled over the Sierra, so I'm going to go skiing on all this great snow and get a sunburn too. I will not be available via cell phone, nor will I be checking email.
__________________
Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.
clavus is offline  
Old 01-13-2005, 02:57 PM   #37 (permalink)
is Nucking Futs!
 
Dano069's Avatar
 
Location: On the edge of sanity
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaniFaye
fortunately where I work the guys are real good about it if I have to be out (Im the only female here) because I am a migraine sufferer its not "uncommon" to have to call in.

Im also not one to call in sick just cause I dont wanna go it, and if I AM sick a lot of times they have to send me home cause I come in anyway....that said...

I had to call in last year because I was too sunburnt to wear any clothes, I had been at the renn fair all day in a skimpy halter and burned REALLY bad, I told them either I could wear that halter into work or I could stay home cause I couldnt get a bra on (Im a 48 dd) or a shirt of any other kind.....they let me stay home
If I was your boss, you'd be on the job!


I once got called to work,on my day off, to fill in for someone who was sick. I told them I was too drunk to drive into work (that was VERY true) I heard crap about that for a month.
__________________
I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.

Last edited by Dano069; 01-13-2005 at 03:00 PM..
Dano069 is offline  
Old 01-13-2005, 10:30 PM   #38 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct
I don't call out, I just show up fifteen minutes late everyday.

I'm completely serious.
For a funny twist, I showed up fifteen minutes early today only to find out that my manager had tried to call me three hours earlier to tell me that I didn't have to come in today.
MSD is offline  
Old 01-14-2005, 05:31 AM   #39 (permalink)
Pip
Likes Hats
 
Pip's Avatar
 
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
I once called in saying I'd be late because my busdriver had taken a wrong turn and was now kind of stuck in a suburbian back street. And it was true. Have you ever seen a Pullman bus trying to back uphill and turn 90 at the same time?
Pip is offline  
Old 01-14-2005, 08:55 PM   #40 (permalink)
Tilted
 
A co-worker had took 5 different days off during the year for his birthday. Managers didn't care about their employees enough to listen and he got away with it.
Crisis is offline  
 

Tags
creative or dumb, excuse, miss, work

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:25 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360