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Old 02-01-2005, 08:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
Will we ever know what it is?

I have second thoughts about my actions and words. It makes it very hard to function on a daily basis. I recently came to a realization that the reason for this may be the lack of confidence I have in my looks. I have lost some weight over the last month and have really toned up. My assumption was partially right because my confidence did go up, and as a result I second guess myself a lot less. Now here's the part that bothers me. I went through a phase for about a week, where I felt completely confident in everything i did and said. It didn't bother me if others disagreed or had negative thoughts about my actions or opinions, because I felt that since I did em, it was right. For some reason I knew this couldn't last, and it faded away in about 5 days and I went back to my second guessing ways.

Lately, instead of not being confident at all, it's more of a wave effect where I feel totally confident in one setting, and totally second guessing myself in another. Am I just chasing a bubble which explodes every time I get close? Or is there hope for me? I just want to be able to live a life where I worry about the real things, and not whether my co worker thinks I am an idiot because of the chain letter I sent him, since he hasn't responded. Hopefully as I continue to get toned up, and continue to feel proud of the way I look, I can have the confidence in my words and actions that I get a slight sneak preview of every now and then.

I gotta say, life would be such a joy if that feeling existed 24/7. Success would be so much easier, as you would only concentrate on things you could control. For now, we'll keep on reading all these inspirational quotes of "one play at a time" "trust your instincts, you know all the answers". How can we trust our instincts when we don't even know which voice it is? Most of the time it's three voices arguing against one another. By the time you make a decision it's forced and the moment has passed. Maybe one day we can all lead our ideal lives where we only worry about what we can control. Good luck trying to actually accomplish it. I know I haven't been able to.
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Old 02-01-2005, 09:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
please move this to tilted living.
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Old 02-01-2005, 09:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: WA
I can say that I had (and maybe still have a little) the same issue you're going through now. Not to be blunt, but I've come to the realization that you have to just say fuck it and whoever likes you will like you and whoever doesn't, it's their problem not yours. You have to realize that you can't please everyone in the world. Stop trying to make everyone else happy. Concentrate on making yourself happy. Once you do that, I believe that it will radiate to everyone else around you and you'll be a happier person for it.
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Old 02-02-2005, 08:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
Mad Philosopher
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Location: Washington, DC
Don't worry too much about it. As far as I can tell, everyone has times where they're constantly second-guessing themselves. No one is always self-confident, and most people are far less self-confident than they appear.
"Die Deutschen meinen, daß die Kraft sich in Härte und Grausamkeit offenbaren müsse, sie unterwerfen sich dann gerne und mit Bewunderung:[...]. Daß es Kraft giebt in der Milde und Stille, das glauben sie nicht leicht."

"The Germans believe that power must reveal itself in hardness and cruelty and then submit themselves gladly and with admiration[...]. They do not believe readily that there is power in meekness and calm."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Old 02-02-2005, 12:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: My own little world (also Canada)
Originally Posted by Hardknock
I can say that I had (and maybe still have a little) the same issue you're going through now. Not to be blunt, but I've come to the realization that you have to just say fuck it and whoever likes you will like you and whoever doesn't, it's their problem not yours. You have to realize that you can't please everyone in the world. Stop trying to make everyone else happy. Concentrate on making yourself happy. Once you do that, I believe that it will radiate to everyone else around you and you'll be a happier person for it.
I don't think you're describing the same problem. You're talking about wanting everyone to like you; he's talking about indecisiveness and lack of confidence in his actions.

I've got the same thing. Guess how I quit my last job? I flipped a coin. Well, it kept coming up heads, but tails was the "quit" side, so eventually I just got fed up and quit, but I think it shows something when a decision like quitting your job has the flip of a coin brought into it.

I think the best thing to do is firstly, don't overthink anything. If it's possible, act on impulse when the situation warrants (don't go overthinking which situations warrant acting on impulse either :P ). Secondly, once you've finished an action, stop thinking about it. Realise that it is done, you can't go backwards in time, and trying to change it is both futile and probably detrimental to the situation.
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato
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Old 02-02-2005, 02:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
Wehret Den Anfängen!
Location: Ontario, Canada
Second guessing, and thinking too much about what other people think of your actions, are different things. Dualman seems to be convolving them into one problem.

There is nothing wrong with thinking you could be wrong. Realize you cannot get the ideal answer. Pick one, it doesn't matter if it isn't ideal or perfect, and go with it.

This doesn't mean you should, can or will only have one solution or belief in a situation. It means you should pick one of those beliefs quickly (it doesn't matter which one) and ride it, until shown otherwise.

Being able to see more than one side of an issue, problem or situation is a gift. Just don't let it paralyze you.
Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.
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Old 02-02-2005, 02:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
thanks for the replies. I wish it were the case yakk, but unfrotunately I don't think there's too much genius in this noggin.

I'll give you an example; as I type this, as soon as I hit submit, instantly I will second guess regarding my choice of words. Then when nobody responds for about fifteen minutes, I am sure I'll think of a different self sabotaging thought. 90% of the time I am just so insecure that it's not even funny. What gives me hope is that there are those times when I feel totally confident.

When having conversations with certain people I am uncomfortable with, I feel like I am performing infront of Simon Cowell. Waiting and dreading for their response to see if they approve. Am I better off just being quiet around these people? Damned if I do, damned if i don't type of things. I keep trying to figure out why i am so uncomfortable around them but I can't. They haven't really offended me in anyway. And they are pretty nice most of the time. Wish i knew why I am so uncomfortable around most people.

I have had a great childhood with two parents who love me. For the last six years I have been a real loner, and I am sure this has a lot to do with it. There are a few friends I have, who make me feel very comfortable and I become extremelly outgoing, outspoken, and very confident, but as we depart, so does the confident me.

After reading all that it's probavly hard to believe, but I am actually an inspiring director. Same thing though. When i enter the booth, the confident me magically shows up and I produce great work while being a very good leader. Then it all magically fades. Life is flying by, and I am watching more reality TV then actually living in reality.

This is way too complex for anyone to respond to, I understand that. just started writing and didn't stop. I am just so uncomfortable in my skin, and it affects everything I do. I do work out twice a day. hopefully slowly but surely the confidence will come and stick. I feel like I have truly been blessed with amazing talents, but I am hindering myself with all of my insecurities. I won't be able to live with myself If i don't accomplish my goals. But the way things are now, I sometimes drop so low that I can't even look people in the eyes. I look in the mirror way too much, which I can't explain.

Last edited by dualman7; 02-02-2005 at 02:31 PM..
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