Jealously Torn - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

veruca · 03-07-2005, 06:19 PM

About a year ago now I guess, my husband and his best friend were involved in a very serious accident in the nevada desert outside of Tuscon. They had flown out there to pick up my husband's dream car in Phoenix, and then embark on a boy's only roadtrip that legends are made of. 5 hours in, in the dark of night, he lost control of the car and flipped it 3 times nearly killing his best friend. My husband was not injured too severly and was able to make it back to the road to get help, and I got a 4 am phone call I hope to never get again in my life.
Well, his best friend's wife, another thing at 4 am I never want to do is wake up one of my closest friends and tell her her husband is probably dead and 25 hours away, and I hop on a flight and go out there and live in a hospital for a week, until he can fly home.
I spent a month living with them, because they have a small child and he had amnesia and severe lower body trauma that required constant care. I didn't work. My husband went back to work after 2 weeks, not being injured as severely. But, we didn't get paid for that time off.
This is where it gets ugly. They are suing the insurance companies for medical and suffering. They have to this point received 115 grand, and he was paid for all the time he missed through worker's comp. Which is great. I would never begrudge them the money. But, I am a little peeved that they got all that money, and have not even offered to share with my husband and I. I know I must sound so selfish....but, we got nothing..we lost our wages,and he still wakes up screaming and crying from nightmares because he thought he had killed his best friend. I lived with them and continued to help them after. In that time, I got my Real Estate license ,and they promised to use me as their realtor, which would help us greatly, since I would get a commision. And I have helped them look , but they have decided to buy a buy owner property. so now, they are buying a house they NEVER would have been able to afford, with the money that they got in the settlements, and again we are being fucked.
I am trying so hard, fellow tfp'ers, not to be a jealous stupid bitch....but it just tears me up...I am torn in half, because they are like family to us, and I WANT them to have the money...yet I am so jealous...I just need to hear from people who's opinions I have come to respect..that I am not crazy...and if I am..then I need to get help..lol

shakran · 03-07-2005, 07:25 PM

Blunt time.

Your husband nearly killed this guy. You're all very lucky that the guy lived. If this guy weren't your husband's best friend, you can book it they'd be suing you because if anything, your husband owes THEM money for doing so much damage to them and their lives by driving like a dink (yeah that's an assumption, but you take "new dream car" and "deserted Nevada desert at night with no cops," and it isn't real tough to figure out what was happening when they flipped.)

la petite moi · 03-07-2005, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakran

Blunt time.

Your husband nearly killed this guy. You're all very lucky that the guy lived. If this guy weren't your husband's best friend, you can book it they'd be suing you because if anything, your husband owes THEM money for doing so much damage to them and their lives by driving like a dink (yeah that's an assumption, but you take "new dream car" and "deserted Nevada desert at night with no cops," and it isn't real tough to figure out what was happening when they flipped.)

I must agree, no matter how blunt the answer is. You should just be glad your husband's buddy lived instead of wanting money out of it. Life is more precious than money, right?

Sage · 03-07-2005, 07:58 PM

you know, things aren't always what they seem on the surface. What were these people like before they had this accident? Were they struggling to pay their bills? Always talking about how they wished they could afford a new house? Perhaps they're taking the insurance money and doing what they've always wanted but couldn't afford. And what kind of an impact has this had on their lives? If your HB's best friend was really hurt, I'd imagine he's still suffering physically and emotionally from the trauma. Perhaps this money is a way to ease the pain, who knows?
Yes you are being terribly selfish, but they got a crapload of money and you don't. So it's understandable. BUT it's stupid- cause like, you have your husband's health and you won't have to worry about making an insanely high morgage payment on your new house.
If you feel like you still can't deal with it, go talk to a professional. This is something that a lot of people have to deal with at one time or another, and it's totally ok to talk to someone about it. However, I wouldn't recommend talking to your HB's best friend/bestfriend's wife about it. Naturally....

veruca · 03-08-2005, 06:08 AM

MY husband was NOT driving erractically or speeding at all, there was an entire tractor trailer tire in the road and he swerved to miss it, there was a lot of sand in the road, and it was a sports car.
And his best friend is absolutley fine. He had amnesia for a month, mostly because the dr's overdosed him on his meds. He is better than he was before.

maleficent · 03-08-2005, 06:13 AM

Why didn't your husband get workman's compenation?

It was your husband's car, your husband was driving, your husband wasn't all that severely injured but yet almost killed his friend and you think you are entitled to some compensation?

As for the house? they found a house that they liked, where the money came from for it isn't your concern, they are going thru the owner, they are not intentionally fucking you over... they just don't happen to need a realtor.

You should thank your lucky stars that the person who almost died is a friend and hasn't decided to take you both for everything you are worth and then some.

Other than the fact that if it weren't for your husband, he wouldn't have been seriously injured, that's not a good reason to want to share in the settlement.

shakran · 03-08-2005, 06:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veruca

MY husband was NOT driving erractically or speeding at all, there was an entire tractor trailer tire in the road and he swerved to miss it, there was a lot of sand in the road, and it was a sports car.
And his best friend is absolutley fine. He had amnesia for a month, mostly because the dr's overdosed him on his meds. He is better than he was before.

I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around this one. He was in a new sports car, in the desert, with no one else around, and he was going exactly the speed limit? He's a better man than I.

That aside, even assuming he WAS going the speed limit, he was the driver, he is legally at fault. Your friends don't seem to be holding this against you, which is great, because a lot of people would. Not sayin' they should, but they would.

I think you really need to move on. There's no reason to be jealous of them because of their money. I'm also not sure how they got 115 grand from their ins. co. They should have gotten medical and work compensation, but shouldn't have had a spare 100g to throw around. If they got it from YOUR ins. co by claiming your husband was at fault, that would make more sense, and it would also make it kinda weird of them to sue you, get the money, then share it with you.

Bottom line? Get over the jealousy, because they don't deserve it.

StephenSa · 03-08-2005, 08:09 AM

I can see how watching your friends prosper when you are experiencing hard times might throw the pangs of jealousy into your mind. Schadenfruede and all that, its just human nature I suppose but while I can understand it I don't think it is justified. Your husband wakes up screaming and crying because he almost killed his friend. Imagine the nightmares the friend must have. Sounds like the friend was cracked up pretty badly while your husband walked away relatively unscathed. The insurance should repair or replace the car, perhaps pay for any therapy that is needed to fix those nightmares but that onus is on you. The money your friends received is theirs and they have no moral or legal obligation to share with you. Its not like the car accident was some sort of favor you did for them. The man almost died for Christ's sake. Move on.

ironmaiden7o7 · 03-14-2005, 04:02 PM

It's amazing that this man is living, forget the money, there are so much more important things than money in life!

Coppertop · 03-14-2005, 04:11 PM

I'd be happy my SO was alive and healthy instead of worrying about money. Not to mention that your SO's friend is also alive and kicking when it could have ended much, much worse. But that's just me.

Count the blessing you do have, not the perceived blessings of others.

dirtyrascal7 · 03-15-2005, 11:33 AM

okay... so what if things were reversed?

YOUR husband was the one that was almost killed and had amnesia for an entire month. are you saying that you would have tried to persuade your husband to share the settlement money with them?

i highly doubt it... that seems quite illogical. so why do you think they should give some of their money to you and your husband? i don't understand why you feel so deserving... please explain this to me.

ShaniFaye · 03-15-2005, 11:42 AM

Im confused as to how your hubbys friend got paid thru workers comp...thats only suppoesed to be used when you get hurt on the job. How is he getting workers comp for a non work related accident, that would be fraud? OR did you mean that he got paid short term disability?

st33lr4t · 03-15-2005, 01:59 PM

so why did you live with them? was this your decission? since he was down and out because of the accident what was his wife doing? why did you feel the need to take on the responsibility of looking after their family?

so he got paid while he was off, his wife was doing who knows since you never stated if she was working or what...and they receieved $$$ to cover their expenses.

you took a month off never got paid, your husband never was paid for 2 weeks missed.

so again why were you looking after them? sound like maybe you felt guilty about the situation your husbands friend was in.

EULA · 03-15-2005, 02:20 PM

This happens a lot when people win the lottery. Suddenly people are coming out of the woodwork "deserving" money.

03-07-2005, 06:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
veruca Psycho Location: 4 privet drive	Jealously Torn About a year ago now I guess, my husband and his best friend were involved in a very serious accident in the nevada desert outside of Tuscon. They had flown out there to pick up my husband's dream car in Phoenix, and then embark on a boy's only roadtrip that legends are made of. 5 hours in, in the dark of night, he lost control of the car and flipped it 3 times nearly killing his best friend. My husband was not injured too severly and was able to make it back to the road to get help, and I got a 4 am phone call I hope to never get again in my life. Well, his best friend's wife, another thing at 4 am I never want to do is wake up one of my closest friends and tell her her husband is probably dead and 25 hours away, and I hop on a flight and go out there and live in a hospital for a week, until he can fly home. I spent a month living with them, because they have a small child and he had amnesia and severe lower body trauma that required constant care. I didn't work. My husband went back to work after 2 weeks, not being injured as severely. But, we didn't get paid for that time off. This is where it gets ugly. They are suing the insurance companies for medical and suffering. They have to this point received 115 grand, and he was paid for all the time he missed through worker's comp. Which is great. I would never begrudge them the money. But, I am a little peeved that they got all that money, and have not even offered to share with my husband and I. I know I must sound so selfish....but, we got nothing..we lost our wages,and he still wakes up screaming and crying from nightmares because he thought he had killed his best friend. I lived with them and continued to help them after. In that time, I got my Real Estate license ,and they promised to use me as their realtor, which would help us greatly, since I would get a commision. And I have helped them look , but they have decided to buy a buy owner property. so now, they are buying a house they NEVER would have been able to afford, with the money that they got in the settlements, and again we are being fucked. I am trying so hard, fellow tfp'ers, not to be a jealous stupid bitch....but it just tears me up...I am torn in half, because they are like family to us, and I WANT them to have the money...yet I am so jealous...I just need to hear from people who's opinions I have come to respect..that I am not crazy...and if I am..then I need to get help..lol __________________ How you turned my world, you precious thing You starve and near exhaust me Everything I've done, I've done for you I move the stars for no one

03-07-2005, 07:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	you know, things aren't always what they seem on the surface. What were these people like before they had this accident? Were they struggling to pay their bills? Always talking about how they wished they could afford a new house? Perhaps they're taking the insurance money and doing what they've always wanted but couldn't afford. And what kind of an impact has this had on their lives? If your HB's best friend was really hurt, I'd imagine he's still suffering physically and emotionally from the trauma. Perhaps this money is a way to ease the pain, who knows? Yes you are being terribly selfish, but they got a crapload of money and you don't. So it's understandable. BUT it's stupid- cause like, you have your husband's health and you won't have to worry about making an insanely high morgage payment on your new house. If you feel like you still can't deal with it, go talk to a professional. This is something that a lot of people have to deal with at one time or another, and it's totally ok to talk to someone about it. However, I wouldn't recommend talking to your HB's best friend/bestfriend's wife about it. Naturally.... __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

03-08-2005, 06:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
veruca Psycho Location: 4 privet drive	MY husband was NOT driving erractically or speeding at all, there was an entire tractor trailer tire in the road and he swerved to miss it, there was a lot of sand in the road, and it was a sports car. And his best friend is absolutley fine. He had amnesia for a month, mostly because the dr's overdosed him on his meds. He is better than he was before. __________________ How you turned my world, you precious thing You starve and near exhaust me Everything I've done, I've done for you I move the stars for no one

03-08-2005, 06:13 AM	#6 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Why didn't your husband get workman's compenation? It was your husband's car, your husband was driving, your husband wasn't all that severely injured but yet almost killed his friend and you think you are entitled to some compensation? As for the house? they found a house that they liked, where the money came from for it isn't your concern, they are going thru the owner, they are not intentionally fucking you over... they just don't happen to need a realtor. You should thank your lucky stars that the person who almost died is a friend and hasn't decided to take you both for everything you are worth and then some. Other than the fact that if it weren't for your husband, he wouldn't have been seriously injured, that's not a good reason to want to share in the settlement. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

03-08-2005, 08:09 AM	#8 (permalink)
StephenSa Psycho Location: Dallas, Texas	I can see how watching your friends prosper when you are experiencing hard times might throw the pangs of jealousy into your mind. Schadenfruede and all that, its just human nature I suppose but while I can understand it I don't think it is justified. Your husband wakes up screaming and crying because he almost killed his friend. Imagine the nightmares the friend must have. Sounds like the friend was cracked up pretty badly while your husband walked away relatively unscathed. The insurance should repair or replace the car, perhaps pay for any therapy that is needed to fix those nightmares but that onus is on you. The money your friends received is theirs and they have no moral or legal obligation to share with you. Its not like the car accident was some sort of favor you did for them. The man almost died for Christ's sake. Move on. __________________ Thousands of Monkeys, all screaming at once. Pulling God's finger.

03-07-2005, 07:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
shakran Tone.	Blunt time. Your husband nearly killed this guy. You're all very lucky that the guy lived. If this guy weren't your husband's best friend, you can book it they'd be suing you because if anything, your husband owes THEM money for doing so much damage to them and their lives by driving like a dink (yeah that's an assumption, but you take "new dream car" and "deserted Nevada desert at night with no cops," and it isn't real tough to figure out what was happening when they flipped.)

03-14-2005, 04:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
ironmaiden7o7 Insane Location: NYC	It's amazing that this man is living, forget the money, there are so much more important things than money in life!

03-14-2005, 04:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
Coppertop Getting Medieval on your ass Location: 13th century Europe	I'd be happy my SO was alive and healthy instead of worrying about money. Not to mention that your SO's friend is also alive and kicking when it could have ended much, much worse. But that's just me. Count the blessing you do have, not the perceived blessings of others.

03-15-2005, 11:33 AM	#11 (permalink)
dirtyrascal7 That's what she said	okay... so what if things were reversed? YOUR husband was the one that was almost killed and had amnesia for an entire month. are you saying that you would have tried to persuade your husband to share the settlement money with them? i highly doubt it... that seems quite illogical. so why do you think they should give some of their money to you and your husband? i don't understand why you feel so deserving... please explain this to me.

03-15-2005, 11:42 AM	#12 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Im confused as to how your hubbys friend got paid thru workers comp...thats only suppoesed to be used when you get hurt on the job. How is he getting workers comp for a non work related accident, that would be fraud? OR did you mean that he got paid short term disability? __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

03-15-2005, 01:59 PM	#13 (permalink)
st33lr4t Psycho Location: Dallas, Tx	so why did you live with them? was this your decission? since he was down and out because of the accident what was his wife doing? why did you feel the need to take on the responsibility of looking after their family? so he got paid while he was off, his wife was doing who knows since you never stated if she was working or what...and they receieved $$$ to cover their expenses. you took a month off never got paid, your husband never was paid for 2 weeks missed. so again why were you looking after them? sound like maybe you felt guilty about the situation your husbands friend was in.

03-15-2005, 02:20 PM	#14 (permalink)
EULA Crazy Location: Bowling Green, KY	This happens a lot when people win the lottery. Suddenly people are coming out of the woodwork "deserving" money.