soma

Some people I hang out with go clubbing every thursday and ask me to join them every single time. It has turned into a bit of a game where they ask me, I say no, and they start to tease me about it. This has been going on pretty much since the beginning of last semester and it has started to bug me a bit (but I think that's the point). I have always dreaded dancing more than anything. Throughout highschool, the first and last dance I attended was my freshman homecoming. I'm quite quite quite self conscious and the thought of dancing in front of people terrifies me. So there's a little background.

After giving it some thought, I've started thinking about actually going clubbing some time in the future, but not before preparing myself and getting some advice at the TFP of course. Having not been to a club yet, I have a lot of questions about the whole thing. What are night clubs like (are they just like what I see in the movies and music videos)? Furthermore, what is the proper dress code? There are more questions I'm sure I'll be asking as this thread gets going.

I'd appreciate any advice/first time experiences. Thanks.

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Siege

I don't go clubbing myself. Because a) I can't afford the drinks b) I don't have time to go to these places c) I don't dance

I guess c) doesn't really matter. As my friend points out: "Dancing at clubs is like singing at karaoke. Everyone sucks, but everyone who's doing it is having a good time." So don't worry too much about dancing. Actually, I believe there's a thread somewhere about dancing. If you have enough alcohol in your system, I figure you won't worry about your dancing ability. So have some drinks first.

Well, that's the end of this loser's experience... (Or lack of)

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Meditrina

I have not gone clubbing in a very long time. But I do remember that drinking really helped alot. I was very shy and always felt self-conscious about dancing. Drinking made all of that go away. So have a few drinks, and have fun!

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maleficent

Ok -- so it's been years since I've been in a nightclub (stopped going when I couldn't find one that played music I liked) but... I'm hoping it hasn't changed all that much... you go to cut loose a little... dancing is not hard.. .you just move a little to the music... It's NOT like saturday night fever where everyone clears the dance floor to watch you dance... No one is going to notice your good or bad dancing - -just that you are having fun...

You are going out to spend time with your friends, give you some connection the next day -- they are asking you.. they want you to go... go with them and enjoy...

ask them what to wear because all clubs are different - -the only thing they most all have in common is no sneakers.(ruins the dance floor)

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ForgottenKnight

Clubbing is great. Find a club, go in, and your dancing attempt style will depend on the music. If it's a typcial hip-hop club, just bump and grind. If it's a techno club, have fun, and if you can rave with glowsticks, then do it. Going clubbing is the only way to learn how to go clubbing. If your friends go all the time, then go with them. Don't go alone your first few times. Go with those who go all the time so that they can give you some advice and some tips. Alcohol helps if it's a hip-hop club, but if you're trying to rave with glowsticks and whatnot, alcohol can hinder it if you have too much.
Clubbing is NOT like most movies or is it like most music videos. Just go and try it. Go and HAVE FUN. That's all there is to it!

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ForgottenKnight

Right, all clubs are different, but I've never run into a no sneakers code... I've been in a few that allow everyone in without a dress code, wearing my cross-trainers and stuff. But then I've also been in the ones that require dress wear and shoes. I normally where dress shoes anymore for dancing. I suggest following maleficent's advice and asking your friends. But you can't go wrong with wearing semi-formal cloths... Then you're not too dressed if it's casual, and not too underdressed if it's formal.

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maleficent

I'm officially much older than I thought.... the only thing I understood in that sentence is Have Fun... Glow sticks? for dancing? Neato - - Black light too?

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Siege

Oh come on, i'm sure they had glow sticks when you went clubbing. Maybe you just never went to those sorts of clubs?

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maleficent

I had glow sticks when I went trick or treating when I was a little kid, in my plastic pumpkin.

It occurs to me that I have not been out to a club since the very early 90s... I have no advice to offer - -I'm too depressed...

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eMOTIONal20

oh boy... i have yet to experience this whole "clubbing" idea. I'll admit I have been to a club, but i just kinda sat there. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I sure as hell wasn't going to dance. That's scary.

I know friends who go sometimes, and they have a lot of fun. They always recommend going with a group of friends so that if weird guys start coming up behind them, they have someone to butt in and take you away... something like that.

My only advice really is to not be scared to dance. I definitely wasted $10.

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n0nsensical

I just have to ask, why Thursday? Wouldn't Friday or Saturday make more sense? I've never understood that.
Yeah there seems to be a continuum between high-end velvet-rope type clubs and raves. Somewhere in the middle toward the rave side you see glowsticks and other raver gear. On the other side, you don't see it, and they're not even allowed in a lot of places. Certainly a lot of club owners want to keep a boundary between them and the drugged out crowd that tends to go along with such things, and that crowd keeps themselves in their own places too. That's something that always bothers me about the term "clubbing", it's so vague, but you don't want to ask what exactly they mean because then it's like you're out of the loop.

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clavus

I've always wondered how in the Hell can a guy pick up women in a club where the music is so loud that you have to shout? Yelling at girls is usually a sign that things have gone very very wrong.

Seriously. Somebody tell me how this is done.

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ForgottenKnight

With eye contact, body movement, and very little talking until after you leave the club, they turn the music off to make you leave when closing, or until you get to the quieter area such as a rooftop bar or other bar area where the music isn't as loud...

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ForgottenKnight

To answer the thursday question: thursdays in many cities are the 18+ nights, while Friday and Saturday nights are reserved for 21+. Of course, 21+ can attend the 18+ nights, and often do.

There are still many techno clubs that allow glow sticks and reaver gear in as long as there's no drugs. Once they catch drugs or see you on them, you're out of there. I personally don't do drugs, but love to rave. I love playing with people's minds while they're on some drug. If they're all drugged up on X or something else, why shouldn't I use it for my enjoyment? Often they just love to watch and recieve light shows, and will sometimes pay for them, so for me it's great fun to go in with the glowsticks and rave. While there are places that don't allow them, there's aways a club around the corner that does, and I have found those to often be the ones that get more business, as far as techno clubs go. I wouldn't bring glow sticks to hip-hop club unless they had a techno DJ spinning that night.

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tiltedbc

I've wasted plenty of time and money in clubs but, I did have a bit of fun.

I don't think I ever picked up a girl in a club now that I think about it. It's always better to go with a group of friends that include a few new girls that want to check you out. It's the after-clubbing parties where all the real action is, if you like to sleep around etc...

Dancing is easy. Just move to the music. If you are self-conscious, lead your partner by the hand to whichever side is not on public display. Copy her moves and you might even move in sync but this is *yet another* situation where you don't want to think too much. Then it gets awkward.

One key point I'll make is to give everyone something funny to talk after your clubbing experience. Fall off your chair when a girl goes by or even dance on the table for a couple seconds. Girls especially want something to talk about and if you can make this a funny or sexy thing, it's a good thing.

DO NOT be the quiet guy waiting for something to happen. After all my years, I still do this on occasion and it's something to avoid. Even making an ass of yourself is better than being a wallflower as your friends try to draw you out.

My best clubbing experience was when I used to go to the same club almost everynight for a few months and dance with almost every girl in the place. I really was just interested in dancing, so I rarely got turned down and I met lots of people.

KirStang

Go with a semi-attractive girl. Then dance with her

Haha, that's what I do. Dancing is not that hard, basically all it is, is going up and down to the beat, and with today's rythm's it's not that bad. Like some of the other guys said, just move with the girl, n' that's all there is to it.

If you want to dance with a girl that you don't know, be sure she notices you first, and gives you positive eye contact.

martinguerre

very mixed experiences...the worst is when i go with friends who expect to be "protected" from sketchy guys, but then treat their bodyguards as just friends because they're there on the search to meet someone new. go with a group who has similar expectations...

the best clubbing i've done is when it's with friends who will dance among each other (and not just the girls) even if we are going home with each other. after that....lose the self-doubt, and show interest in people. if they don't return it...don't be afraid to move on and try someone else. and remember you're there to have fun..

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chickentribs

Go with friends, dance without agenda. The purpose is to get swept up in the energy of the music and the crowd, not to "pick up" someone. If you are enjoying yourself and have good energy to put out, people will gravitate to you and you can meet some fun, interesting people. If you go with the intent to pick up somebody and walk around trying to strike up conversations, people will be creeped out by you.

Dress in something interesting - upscale with flair gets you in the door... Have fun!

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blizzak

Ah...a good club experience
I'll attempt to answer the thursday question as well....Since i'm up in ontario where the drinking age is 19, the whole 21 argument doesn't apply. But I've found that clubs are still packed on thursday nights, usually because the clubs are in a university town. People go home on the weekends (friday night), so everyone parties with eachother on thursday!

As for the etiquette, everyone here is giving you the right idea. I still go, and it's always pretty much with my girlfriend, and it's fun. When I was single, the best experiences were with a bunch of girls and guys from the cheerleading team I was a part of. The girls would all love to dance and the guys would love to be goofy hah. But yeah:

-get a fair bit of predrink on because it's always more fun when everyone is drunk
-get a lot of people and make sure they're not all too similar. It's all about diversity
-don't be afraid to do whatever it is you can do there. This includes playing pool if they have it, dancing on speakers, or just talking to any person And that doesn't just mean of the opposite sex...some of the best conversations end up being with complete strangers.

The only reason you won't like it is if you don't mingle enough. So, enjoy!

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Bacchanal

I've been on the dancefloor at a club maybe 5 times. I don't enjoy dancing, and I'm almost always self conscious (the only time I'm not is when I'm half trashed or more). The funny thing about that is when I get there and I'm sober, I can always point out at least one or two people on the dancefloor and say to myself, "I know I can dance better than that", but I hardly ever do. I think another part of that is I don't enjoy the music in the slightest, but who knows?

As for the dress code, it differs everywhere. I've been to places that don't have one at all, and to places that required slacks, dress shoes and a collared shirt tucked in. Like Mal said, you'll just have to ask your friends because evidently they're regulars there.

If you decide to go, have a good time above all else. If you don't feel comfortable dancing, don't. You'll have fun either way, I'm sure.

maleficent

Oi the generation gap...

I'm seriously out of touch.. the only reason to go to a club is to pick up a woman? Whatever happened to hanging out with your friends and having fun - and leaving with the people who brung ya?

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Glory's Sun

Please don't do this.. it's annoying. (I'll save my definition of "techno" speech this time)

Now back to the topic. Clubbing is really what you make of it. You have people who just go to drink or chill and you have those that dance. I do a mixture of all. Just go with some buddies and hang out. There's no rule that you have to dance, and if you do, most of the time people are so wasted they don't notice (unless you dance like Elaine on Seinfeld). Just go and have a good time. If you don't like it then don't go. There's not really a set way to go clubbing.

Siege

Those days are dead?

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Vincentt

Clubbing is a bad idea really... you can't 'hang out' with friends when the music is soo loud you can't hear them.

And for 'picking up chicks' or meeting friends.. it is also a horrid idea... you can't talk so it is all about being shallow , who looks good, who is dancing well(and isn't ugly).

While you can have fun, and I go, it just logically isn't a good idea. Bars/pool halls are better for hanging with friends.

I think you should go, just for the exp, just go with your friends (bring a girl who will dance with you) and try to have a good time.

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Cynthetiq

clubs vary from music to dress.

find your local club press in NYC it's Time Out NY or Village Voice, in LA it's LA Weekly. Most scenes have some sort of magazine and with reviews and advertisements.

as for the Thursday night thing.. in NYC it's because MORONS are out on FRI and SAT.

Thursday night those people know how to push the limits of hanging out with the responsibility of getting up and going to work the following day.

We call Fri and Sat, Semi-Pro nights... and New Year's Eve.. is definitely Amatuer night.

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clavus

No. I never managed to pick up a woman at a club. But I have friends who would manage to do this on a regular basis. I was always wondering how it was done.

Now I understand. Eye-contact, body movement, not being a short, skinny goofy-looking guy...

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iamnormal

The only hard part of cludding is finding the baby seals.

Grasshopper Green

If you really want to dance (which, btw, anyone can do...and most of the time people who ARE dancing are so into they aren't watching you anyway, and the people who just stand there...well, who cares?), don't drink too much, because it makes it easier to lose your rhythm. Hubby and I go with another couple, and we all dance with each other, which is fun.

I've never been to a club that requires certain clothing, but some here in SLC won't let you get in if you're wearing gang colors, loose baggy shorts, etc. Just remember, clubs get hot with all the dancing, so don't wear a sweater or something similar.

If you want to drink, have a drink or two first. Club drinks can get expensive.

Most of all, have fun. Going just to pick someone up is a waste of time; go and truly enjoy yourself and if something like that happens, it's just the icing on the cake

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soma

Thanks for the replies. I had a good time reading through them. And it is nice to know that I'm not the only one turned off by party music

If/when I stick my neck out and go to a club some time, I'll make sure to post my experiences (no matter how embarrassing they might be. )

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Stompy

The clubs around here (Detroit)... total make out fest.

I'm not really a social person, so when a female friend of mine kept beggin me to go out with her and our other friends telling me, "You'll find someone there to make out with, just come with us." I thought, "hah, yeah right."

I was wrong. Big time.

You go to the club... walk in, there's tons of drunk single people. Everywhere.

Believe it or not, people aren't shallow. There's good looking guys making out with heavy women, there's hot women making out with scrubby looking guys.. crazy.

So, go there, get drunk, find someone who isn't talking to another person (make sure they aren't with anyone!) and... do what ya gotta do.

I've been to various bars around here, and, while I'm not fond of one night stands, it's VERY easy to get them. If you're out for a night on the town looking for a meaningful relationship, it proooooobably won't happen in a club. Could happen.. a friend of mine was dating a guy for a few months that she met there.. but generally it's a "let's go get some" type of deal.

[edit]
And I've never danced. Not once.

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Kostya

My friends gave up on trying to break the thick thick shell I have crafted around myself long long ago... I mean, they still call up and cajole me, but rarely succeed in getting me to go out. Now, that's not to say I'm anti-social, well I am anti-social, but really I just don't like going to clubs that much. I'm more of a witty urbane conversation over coffee with respectably low music volume kind of guy, or better yet obscure film screening. When I do go out, much to the chagrin of my compadres, I have a marked tendency to become incredibly introspective... So, you can imagine, two hundred people bopping to the beat, and this one guy, standing there, totally motionless, marvelling at the aesthetics of the roof tiles...

soma

Hm... I'll definitely keep this in mind (more incentive).

But I'm not too terribly interested in hooking up or making out with anyone there. This is all about venturing outside of my comfort zone and getting my friends to stop bugging me about going. I also just want to go and find out for sure if clubbing is a good thing for me or not. If I like it, maybe then I'll try to get me some hooch .

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RoadRage

... and getting Tonya Harding to give you back the whiskey bottle.

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raeanna74

I'm not crazy about clubbing. It's all what you make of it though. If your friends are willing to do the things that you enjoy it sure can't hurt to try what they enjoy at least once. Ask your friends what they like most about it. Just ask them each to tell you one thing. That can at least show them you have an interest in doing things they enjoy. Go once and see how you like it.

For me clubbing is all about flirting. Actually I guess I'm kindof mean as I've gone with hubby and another couple we know that are swinger friends. The last time we went my girl and I were kindof showing off so that some guys at the bar could see. We were bending over in such a way as to give a good view with our low cut shirts or low skirts. Hubby's were just laughing at how those guys couldn't take their eyes off us girls. She and I had arms around each other - all "friendly". The guys at the bar - their eyes were popping and one had a girlfriend that stormed out. We were mean I guess. It was fun goofing off with our friends. Otherwise it's not something we just HAVE to do every week. I think the last time we went to a club was about 8 or 9 months ago. Partly we have better things to do, not interested in drinking alcohol, hangovers interfere with our lives the next day, and we're so busy that R&R to us is a QUIET evening out or at home. The smoking clubs are nasty too cause the air is miserable to breath and we both have mild asthma. Though in this are they're loosing popularity.

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Jinn

Oy vey -- I hear the progression of myself in all of these threads.

This is the most important advice in this whole thread, especially for young single male guys (which is a huge proportion of the TFP population). Sitting there thinking you look introspective is not attractive. I've been on both sides of the coin, and I can tell you that these people are probably the same ones who complain that they're the "nice guy" who get passed up for the "jerk." You can still be a "nice guy" if you get drunk as hell and boogie on the dance floor. As an added benefit, MORE people see you're a "nice guy."

It took me forever to realize that being the wallflower is an ineffective mating strategy, because its far more comfortable than dancing is. However, I remember two distinct times I went to the local club.

The first time, I was mostly sober and my usual introspective self-aware intellectual who was too good to dance. (Really, I was afraid to dance and afraid to approach a girl). I figured if a girl was worth my time, she'd come over and say something. Just didnt work out that way. So I ended up spending 2 - 3 hours playing pool on the other side of the club .. by myself, lonely and sober.

The next time, I pre-drank and went mildly intoxicated with a group of friends. Within minutes I was on the dance floor and sweating like crazy but it was one of the most fun nights of my freshman year in college. I enjoyed it so much that I can still tell stories about. Dancing really isnt complex at all, and this is coming from a 6'6" 200 lb man.. its more about feeling who you're dancing with then what the music is. If she does X on the beat, you do Y on the beat. If you wanted to beat match and dance perfectly to a song, you could do that alone.. its all about dancing WITH people when you go to a club.

As for you old fogies asking about how you can meet people in a club with such "loud music you have to scream", every club I've been to has had seperate sections. No club in their right mind could expect you to dance the entire time you're there. You can go to the bar to get another drink, or you can usually go somewhere else quieter to sit down. If you've just danced with a girl, this is your perfect opportunity to gesture towards a quieter area and meet the personality that just powered the body that danced with you. Don't like the personality, its easy enough to lose them on the floor later.

Also, even with incredibly loud music around you.. if someone gets really close and whispers in your ear, you can hear them just fine. And that, my friends, is HOT.

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IC3

I feel the same way you do..I don't like the thought of dancing, There is only two ways i can get on a dance floor..give me some drinks and a girl to dance with, If i'm buzzing and got a girl to dance with..I'm good to go. It's really not all that bad, I bet you probably feel like everybody is watching you right? Well, they aren't..Just drink alittle and go with the beat..It's actually fun. I never danced until i moved to my new city, Every time i have gone to the club with friends, One of the girls will grab me and just start dancing with me..So i figure if some guy dancing by himself wants to make fun of the way i dance...Atleast i've got a girl grinding her hips up against mine while some of them are dancing by themselves..As long as you can move to the beat..Your fine.

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soma

I went, it was very exciting, but I never actually got in the club. The line was about 10 people wide and a block long. It was nuts. Lots of beautiful women in one place. I can see why this is such a popular activity.

I'll probably give it another go next thursday.

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Undercover_Man

I live in Orlando and work for Disney World and Cast Members get to go to PI (Pleasure Island) for free on Mondays and Thursdays. I'd go more often if enjoy it IF I knew how to farkin dance. Not sure how one is supposed to learn. Guess I'll have to go and sit, drink, and watch the other people or something. Any other ideas on how one is supposed to learn how to dance? I like the music at BET and Motions.

- Undercover_Man

Zeraph

This clubbing you speak of, is it much like the clubbing of baby seals?

I too dislike to dance, and later this year when I turn 21 a few friends have already started nagging a bit for me to go.

What's with thursday though? I'd think it'd be on friday or saturday.

keyshawn

One of my other chums turned 18, so he wanted to go out to the club and celebrate....
So 2 of my male friends, along with his [not the b-day boy] g/f and her friend, and I went down to the club. It was our first time going to this place and my first time ever going to a club like this.

First off, both of my 2 other buddies weren't let in - one wore [excessively, ] baggy clothes and the other sported a plain white t-shirt [non-collared]. They decided to run back home and change clothes.

As Chickentribs and Jinnkai described, there were TONS of 'little boys' [their for their insecurity ] who were constantly stalking the sidelines and watching the 'loose' women grind upon each other on top of the bar; and try to find a girl to dance with. There were a few who just randomly came up to the 2 fellow girls I came with and started grinding with them, without any initial contact before that [a bit strange for me.]

Then came the 'hot body' contest - which the girl closest to flaunting her ASSets to the guys won [on top of the bar]. Shortly after the camera cell phone pix were taken by the boys, a few middle-aged [30's-40's] men were leaving - which disturbed me a bit to see that demographic there....

As for myself, I tried to 'smile and establish eye contact' and ask to dance method, which led me in a bunch of rejections, they're written off. I danced a bit with the 2 girls that I came with and the other guys didn't end up coming back, as by the time they returned with the clothes, the club was to close in 15 mins....

I still had a fun time - and remembering that hooking up shouldn't be the main reason to go - [having fun amongst yourself with your friends dancing and hanging out is] - meeting a girl is just a 'plus.'

After experiencing this and a few house parties, the latter appears to give much more attractive options for me in the coming months on campus.....

catcha back on the flipside,
will.

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