My valentines prose for Dave - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ShaniFaye · 02-07-2006, 09:42 AM

So since I cant get the birthstone cross made for David for valentines like I wanted Im going with something I found awhile back and filed away for a future present. Its a celtic cross in the Shannon Knot pattern. I wrote this to print out and frame to go with it and I'd like some feedback on it.

threads of the knot
weaving to and fro
encirlcling our hearts
to be forever twined

Just like my love for you
it has a beginning
but knows no end
tentacles of love to keep us bound

each knot like an anchor
to mark a place in our lives
so we always remember
the good when there is bad

a joyous interdependence
where each person is still their own
personalities spiritually tied
forever tightly bound

eternity represented
in a way from ancient times
a simplistically beautiful way
to represent that we are one

knots of strength
and of power
mirror our love
until our day is done

JustJess · 02-07-2006, 09:49 AM

It's beautiful, Shani.
If you want honest... okay. There's a feeling of meter in it, if not a formal one. For that reason, I would snip "just" in "just like our love" and "where" in "where each person is still their own", and perhaps consider simplifying this line "in a way from ancient times"... maybe use "as in ancient times"? To avoid repeating "way".

My favorite parts:
"Just like my love for you
it has a beginning
but knows no end"

and
"knots of strength
and of power
mirror our love
until our day is done"

Nice work, Shani! He'll LOVE it, with or without changes. :*

ShaniFaye · 02-07-2006, 09:54 AM

THANK YOU....I knew it did, its just I've read it so many times I couldnt figure out where I needed to cut it.

maleficent · 02-07-2006, 10:06 AM

very nice... and from the heart - can't ask for a nicer gift than that...

Sweetpea · 02-07-2006, 10:45 AM

i love it. beautiful. and he is going to love it

sweetpea

ShaniFaye · 02-09-2006, 02:09 PM

I've rewritten with changes suggested and changed a few more things and now I think its perfect hehehe.

Today I went and bought an 8 1/2 x 11 purple/silver marbilized frame (his fav color is purple), got some black scrapbook paper to make a mat and some lilac 5x7 paper to print it on.

Im so excited, he's gonna adore it!!!

msh58 · 02-09-2006, 11:44 PM

really nice

02-07-2006, 09:42 AM	#1 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	My valentines prose for Dave So since I cant get the birthstone cross made for David for valentines like I wanted Im going with something I found awhile back and filed away for a future present. Its a celtic cross in the Shannon Knot pattern. I wrote this to print out and frame to go with it and I'd like some feedback on it. threads of the knot weaving to and fro encirlcling our hearts to be forever twined Just like my love for you it has a beginning but knows no end tentacles of love to keep us bound each knot like an anchor to mark a place in our lives so we always remember the good when there is bad a joyous interdependence where each person is still their own personalities spiritually tied forever tightly bound eternity represented in a way from ancient times a simplistically beautiful way to represent that we are one knots of strength and of power mirror our love until our day is done __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

02-07-2006, 09:49 AM	#2 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	It's beautiful, Shani. If you want honest... okay. There's a feeling of meter in it, if not a formal one. For that reason, I would snip "just" in "just like our love" and "where" in "where each person is still their own", and perhaps consider simplifying this line "in a way from ancient times"... maybe use "as in ancient times"? To avoid repeating "way". My favorite parts: "Just like my love for you it has a beginning but knows no end" and "knots of strength and of power mirror our love until our day is done" Nice work, Shani! He'll LOVE it, with or without changes. :* __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

02-07-2006, 09:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	THANK YOU....I knew it did, its just I've read it so many times I couldnt figure out where I needed to cut it. __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

02-07-2006, 10:06 AM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	very nice... and from the heart - can't ask for a nicer gift than that... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

02-07-2006, 10:45 AM	#5 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	i love it. beautiful. and he is going to love it sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

02-09-2006, 02:09 PM	#6 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	I've rewritten with changes suggested and changed a few more things and now I think its perfect hehehe. Today I went and bought an 8 1/2 x 11 purple/silver marbilized frame (his fav color is purple), got some black scrapbook paper to make a mat and some lilac 5x7 paper to print it on. Im so excited, he's gonna adore it!!! __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

02-09-2006, 11:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
msh58 Crazy	really nice