Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Creativity > Tilted Literature


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-19-2003, 09:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: St. Paul, MN
This Piece of Life

This Piece of Life

I just want to get away. Get away from this house, get away from the last three days, and get away from how ragged my life feels. I want to get away from the questions.

ďHow are you?Ē
ďAre you feeling better?Ē
ďDo you think you can go home?Ē
ďAre you a danger to yourself?Ē
ďWill you try to kill yourself?Ē

I just want to get away. So why am I driving home? I guess I told them I would be there, and I do want to see them. But even friends are hard to deal with. Good intentions donít go anywhere on their own. And sure enough, Iíve kept them waiting. My mother didnít even let them inÖstrange. Is she afraid of everything that is about me?

Heís brought flowers. Thatís sweet, I think. Anne is here too, and theyíve just been standing in the night. All this concern, for me, and I donít know what to do with it.

I just want to give them a hug, and to be held for a moment. Itís nothing said, but it goes a long way. And those questions. As I let them in the door, they let their questions slip out. At least they waited a bit. I say Iím fine. I say Iím feeling better. I think I am.

We go up to my room, and I can see their eyes drift over the wreckage, the hole I put in the dry wall, with just a hint of blood from my hand where my knuckles hit the edge. The room, like so many things, is still half broken. The mirror is gone, but the shards are picked up. I can still see where they scarred the dresser and walls, the cuts still fresh. The bed is moved back to where it was, but the closet door is still missing. Seventy-two hours seems like a long time when youíre in the hospital, but it has done almost nothing to heal this place. My clothes are scattered around, some from when I tore the room apart. Some are from my mother scavenging the ruins, finding things for me while I was gone. Hard to tell one from another, this madness and how people take care of me now, when all I see is nothing like what my life used to be.

Ryan and Anne are trying to be upbeat for me, but itís painful. Theyíre so scared. Especially him. I guess he didnít know me much. Anne is upset by what Iíve done, but she expects it at least. Sheíd seen things get worse since the summer. We talk about school, and we talk about the play. I know Iíve lost my role, and Ali will be a good replacement. But we canít really say more. Everything seemed to come out there on the stage, when it was so easy to hide in all the drama for so long. But even eccentrics seem to have their limits, and Iíd sailed on past them. Talent, they say, is forgiven its oddities. Perhaps I had simply exceeded my talent, or maybe I really had gone mad.

ďWhen are you going back to the hospital?Ē

Why did he ask that? God, I just want to forget Iím going back. Did it ever occur to them that the last thing I want to talk about is the thing that they want to talk about the most? So many ways to bring that hurt up, and itís always the good intentions.

My little sister comes up through the door. Damn this small houseÖ Sheís trying to get attention. Sheís just a kid, but nobody seems to know what to do. Itís comic relief, but nobodyís laughing. She has a baton, and keeps poking at Anne and me. Sheís the one person who doesnít understand that sheís supposed to treat me differently now. I wish more people didnít understand that, but this time it just comes out as her bratty side. I just want to get away from her.

Letís go get some coffee. At least weíll be out of the house. Some things you can run from, some things you canít. But I can at least get moving from a bit of whatís hurting.

And I can smoke in the car, too. Donít say I never figured out how to help myself. I have a few fancy ones left, from France. They donít have filters, but they still taste a lot better than the regular stuff. He wants to know where I got them, my mother of course. I donít think he approves, but thatís just too bad. This is a small amount of peace, and I canít believe they donít prescribe nicotine. Unlike their drugs, this works, at least for a little while. Anne drives, which is good. Iím tired from the pills, and theyíd worry about it anyways. The night is calm, and I can watch the smoke drift slowly, then rush out as it nears the window.

We walk in the door, and I see Betsy is working tonight. I donít think I thought about that, but I guess I didnít avoid her.

ďHow are you?Ē

I sigh in my mind, and try to smile in my life. I calm my voice, and try to give the quickest possible explanation that Iíve been diagnosed as Bipolar, spent the last few days at the hospital, and that I donít know when I get back.

ďTake care of yourself, hon.Ē

Itís sweet. That counts for something.

We talk a little more, trying to avoid the obvious, which is good. For a few moments, Iím just having coffee with my friends. Ryan keeps looking nervous though, and itís hard not to remember then. After a while, we all start checking our watches too much. I fidget with the stir stick for a moment more, and then give up. We go back to my house, itís almost time for me to head back to the hospital. I give Anne a hug, and we hold each other for a long moment.

ďItíll be alright. I love you, Laura.Ē

I turn to him. I ask for a kiss goodnight. Judging by the look on his face, I needed to clarify. On the cheek. I just want to get away from how cold things are. I just want to get away from how hurt things are. I just want to get away.


-------
Written as memoir, from the perspective of my friend. God bless her, where ever she is today.

Last edited by chavos; 09-19-2003 at 09:55 PM..
chavos is offline  
Old 09-20-2003, 08:29 AM   #2 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Utah
Very good, It seems like I was standing there with your friends. Thanks for taking me away for a moment, even to this place. Thanks for sharing
__________________
And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart
J.R.V.A. is offline  
Old 09-21-2003, 09:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Somewhere between the Havens and the Earth
Reading this takes me back to a time when i went through something similar. . . This is very good , it makes you feel like you are standing right there watching everything happening. thank you
__________________
from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel
fallen_angel is offline  
Old 09-21-2003, 09:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Minx's Avatar
 
Location: Up yonder
What an amazing way you have of telling a story. Sad, but very moving....you drew me in one hundred percent.
Wow is all I can say!
__________________
You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!
Minx is offline  
Old 09-22-2003, 06:28 AM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: St. Paul, MN
thank you all....its an odd consolation to be able to tell such a story, but it has helped to see this night on the page, and not just in my mind.
chavos is offline  
 

Tags
life, piece

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:40 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360