Dreaming - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

KirStang · 08-01-2004, 10:18 PM

Ahh...i wrote this last night. The first two lines are from a song, but it served as inspiration for the rest of the poem. I was going for a more melodic and imagery appealing approach.

Pure Bliss

Dreaming Of sunrise
Drifting out to sea
White sands greet the morning
while you lay in bed

Palm trees sway in the breeze
while blue skies put you to ease
The warm sun on your back
taking you way back

To times that were better
to times that were sweeter
to the time where you met her
to the time when you knew her
to a time where she would smile
and everything felt worthwhile

There is a smile on my face
while my mind is at another place
Dreaming of her sweet kiss
such feelings i do miss
It is the feeling of

Pure bliss

Tell me what you think!

amonkie · 08-01-2004, 10:48 PM

that gave me goosebumps... and it's hot here! the "Smile on my face while my mind is at another place" really set the mood of the poem for me

Creative way to say starry eyed

Stillborn · 08-02-2004, 10:26 AM

That was great, man!

Though I'd get rid of the : on the next-to-last line. It's unnecessary.

KirStang · 08-02-2004, 07:00 PM

Thanks for the feedback!

Quote:

Originally posted by Stillborn
That was great, man!

Though I'd get rid of the : on the next-to-last line. It's unnecessary.

Yea i was thinking if i should put that there too...i ended up keeping it, but it's gone now

Dawson70 · 08-03-2004, 08:07 PM

Another great poem in the forum.
It took me to a white sand beaches off the coast of Flordia.
Very romantic. Good Job.

08-01-2004, 10:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
KirStang Future Bureaucrat	Dreaming Ahh...i wrote this last night. The first two lines are from a song, but it served as inspiration for the rest of the poem. I was going for a more melodic and imagery appealing approach. Pure Bliss Dreaming Of sunrise Drifting out to sea White sands greet the morning while you lay in bed Palm trees sway in the breeze while blue skies put you to ease The warm sun on your back taking you way back To times that were better to times that were sweeter to the time where you met her to the time when you knew her to a time where she would smile and everything felt worthwhile There is a smile on my face while my mind is at another place Dreaming of her sweet kiss such feelings i do miss It is the feeling of Pure bliss Tell me what you think! Last edited by KirStang; 08-02-2004 at 06:59 PM..

08-01-2004, 10:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	that gave me goosebumps... and it's hot here! the "Smile on my face while my mind is at another place" really set the mood of the poem for me Creative way to say starry eyed __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

08-02-2004, 10:26 AM	#3 (permalink)
Stillborn Tilted Location: Dingden, DE / Centennial, CO	That was great, man! Though I'd get rid of the : on the next-to-last line. It's unnecessary. __________________ Waiting... to be born again Wanting... the saddest kind of pain Waiting for the day when I will crawl away

08-03-2004, 08:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
Dawson70 Here to Help My Fellow TFP'er Location: All over the Net....(ok Wisconsin)	Another great poem in the forum. It took me to a white sand beaches off the coast of Flordia. Very romantic. Good Job. __________________ "I Finally Finished My Goal....You Can Too! Yippie Ki Ya...