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Old 11-08-2004, 07:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Dizzied Lights

This was written in about 30 seconds so it needs work. Any advice is welcome. I wrote this while thinking about past friendships and relationships.


Blank stares and empty eyes,
World passing at a million miles
Cigarette smoke and bitter coffee,
Right where I want to be.

Frayed shirt sleeves and dirty fingernails,
Faceless person singing tragic pitfalls
Eyes tired and weary,
Right where I want to be.

Crystal air and numb toes,
Frizzled hair and untied shoes
Neon lights begging to be seen,
Raindrops bouncing off of window panes
Right where I want to be.

Blurred faces and mangled voices,
Dogs barking and children laughing
Detached from reality,
Right where I want to be.

Thoghts and memories swirling,
Visions of you, toying
Bitter betrayals, Joyful revivals,
The fall from grace, the empty space
Standing still, focused on your memory-
Right where I want to be.

Last edited by Glory's Sun; 11-08-2004 at 09:14 AM..
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Old 11-08-2004, 07:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
I change
 
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Location: USA
I like 30-second stuff

eventually, I do go back and edit - not really right away at all though - I wait - sometimes months or years to tighten things up. I don't think there's any hurry...
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Old 11-08-2004, 09:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
Drifting
 
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Location: Windy City
Like I said in the journal, I like this! Thanks for sharing again
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Old 11-08-2004, 05:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
It's All About The Ass!!
 
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Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
The more I read it...the more I like it. This musta just jumped into your head and grabbed you. I love when that happens. I think thats where a lot of us want to be.

Asta!!
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Old 11-09-2004, 11:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Wise
The more I read it...the more I like it. This musta just jumped into your head and grabbed you. I love when that happens. I think thats where a lot of us want to be.

Asta!!
I'm the opposite, the more I read it, the more I hate it. Heh..
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