Dizzied Lights - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Glory's Sun · 11-08-2004, 07:16 AM

This was written in about 30 seconds so it needs work. Any advice is welcome. I wrote this while thinking about past friendships and relationships.

Blank stares and empty eyes,
World passing at a million miles
Cigarette smoke and bitter coffee,
Right where I want to be.

Frayed shirt sleeves and dirty fingernails,
Faceless person singing tragic pitfalls
Eyes tired and weary,
Right where I want to be.

Crystal air and numb toes,
Frizzled hair and untied shoes
Neon lights begging to be seen,
Raindrops bouncing off of window panes
Right where I want to be.

Blurred faces and mangled voices,
Dogs barking and children laughing
Detached from reality,
Right where I want to be.

Thoghts and memories swirling,
Visions of you, toying
Bitter betrayals, Joyful revivals,
The fall from grace, the empty space
Standing still, focused on your memory-
Right where I want to be.

ARTelevision · 11-08-2004, 07:45 AM

I like 30-second stuff

eventually, I do go back and edit - not really right away at all though - I wait - sometimes months or years to tighten things up. I don't think there's any hurry...

amonkie · 11-08-2004, 09:29 AM

Like I said in the journal, I like this! Thanks for sharing again

K-Wise · 11-08-2004, 05:32 PM

The more I read it...the more I like it. This musta just jumped into your head and grabbed you. I love when that happens. I think thats where a lot of us want to be.

Asta!!

Glory's Sun · 11-09-2004, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K-Wise

The more I read it...the more I like it. This musta just jumped into your head and grabbed you. I love when that happens. I think thats where a lot of us want to be.

Asta!!

I'm the opposite, the more I read it, the more I hate it. Heh..

11-08-2004, 07:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	Dizzied Lights This was written in about 30 seconds so it needs work. Any advice is welcome. I wrote this while thinking about past friendships and relationships. Blank stares and empty eyes, World passing at a million miles Cigarette smoke and bitter coffee, Right where I want to be. Frayed shirt sleeves and dirty fingernails, Faceless person singing tragic pitfalls Eyes tired and weary, Right where I want to be. Crystal air and numb toes, Frizzled hair and untied shoes Neon lights begging to be seen, Raindrops bouncing off of window panes Right where I want to be. Blurred faces and mangled voices, Dogs barking and children laughing Detached from reality, Right where I want to be. Thoghts and memories swirling, Visions of you, toying Bitter betrayals, Joyful revivals, The fall from grace, the empty space Standing still, focused on your memory- Right where I want to be. Last edited by Glory's Sun; 11-08-2004 at 09:14 AM..

11-08-2004, 07:45 AM	#2 (permalink)
ARTelevision I change Location: USA	I like 30-second stuff eventually, I do go back and edit - not really right away at all though - I wait - sometimes months or years to tighten things up. I don't think there's any hurry... __________________ create evolution

11-08-2004, 09:29 AM	#3 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	Like I said in the journal, I like this! Thanks for sharing again __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

11-08-2004, 05:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	The more I read it...the more I like it. This musta just jumped into your head and grabbed you. I love when that happens. I think thats where a lot of us want to be. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!