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Old 08-14-2005, 01:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: O.C. California
A closure letter

This is not a poem and I don't even pretend to be the poet...but it is something written by me that is original. It is probably filled with many grammar and structure errors for that I apologize in advance.
I wrote this letter after a 3 year relationship came to an end. The person for which it was intended could probably of cared less...but it is written with an open heart and at that time a very broken one. We all need closure...even if you can't get closure with the situation at least you can try and get it with yourself.
I now know that the ending of this relationship was exactly what I needed...but of course at the time your hurt over rides your sense of ones self.

Wow…I truly can’t believe that its really over. It almost seems as if it was never real…I mean no emotion…you don’t even seem to hurt… how sad. You say you don’t want to hurt me more by showing any feelings towards me…if you only could understand how much more that has hurt me. I mean just a small sign of tenderness that you even cared a little…didn’t I even earn that? But instead…..silence and smirks…has made me feel so damn alone., I could never have been that way to you…everyday I wait for just one look that you still want me…pathetic huh?

I am not writing this letter to try and get sympathy…I don’t want it now. Just the mere fact of what it took for our lives to bring us together makes this so hard to believe it could just be thrown away so easily. Not to mention the things we shared and have been through together…

I was a good man to you…
Protected you…(even now I think of your feelings first)
Loved you with everything I had…(not enough?)
Respected you…(look at the relationships around us)
Respected and loved your family (even when it wasn’t returned)
Best friends? (“Swear on our friendship!”)

At first I kept this small hope that you would suddenly realize that you loved me too much to just give up on me…give up on us. I would sit and stare at my phone waiting for a call…but nothing. I prayed you would knock at the door…and in the morning when I would wake up and I would look for a note….it may seem funny and pathetic… but I am not ashamed…I am not ashamed of any of my sadness.

I will never totally understand why you have made this choice no matter how many letters are written or explanations given. What we had was something so special…and in a blink of an eye it has been reduced to casual greetings. I’m sorry if I will never be ok with you just being your friend. You were my life, my future….you were my family! We had a love and relationship that people search their whole lives for! And you dismissed it so easily…how is that fucking possible?

As I said I am not writing this letter for sympathy…none has been given and I no longer want it. I will never be able to hate you….my love won’t allow me to hate you. But I hate what you have done equally to how much I love you. When I speak to you now I feel like I don’t even know you…your smirks when we talked the other day…that was all I could take. For the first time since we broke up it really sunk in that it was over for good and you were never coming back to me. Something snapped inside me and the hurt consumed me…I cried that night the hardest I have cried in all of my life.
When the tears stopped something had changed in me……..my heart was alone and empty again. The funny thing is that it was actually sort of comforting…because it is a feeling that I had lived with for so long.

Being with you has made me a better man…and made so many things in my life better. Even if I never experience a love like this again…I am thankful that life allowed me some peace in my life…it was the greatest period of my life…thank you for letting me love you. But to every good there is a bad…my heart will be scarred forever and this hurt will never go away. I’m glad I will never be the kind of man I was before I met you… I thank you for that and I hope that I did some good in yours…but I will never let this happen to me again. I never thought I would have to look in the mirror again and ask myself “Will I ever have real love?”

Being with you was so fantastic….I truly love you more than words could ever do justice. It makes me so sad that all my love couldn’t keep you.

At first I was pretty down on myself…
But I am my father’s son and damn proud of it….I am a good man…a good friend…and if I am ever given the chance I will be a good father. I did the best I could…I gave you all of me. I think you made the wrong the choice and gave up to easy...but hey that’s just me and my broken heart being bias…only time will tell…and I hope time is kind to you. I hope you find the love that will make your heart happy and safe.

Ok I will end this letter as I am sure you are over it already…but since we can’t seem to talk in person like adults this is my only way to try and regain my sanity and get some closure.
I won’t bother you anymore about this as I am tired and weary from thinking about it.
I will put on my game face…accept that you are finished with us and I don’t want to cause myself anymore pain bringing it up…it is what it is..and I see now that it’s over.

Thank you for all the memories….making me a better man…and the chance to show that I was capable of really loving someone I take comfort in the fact that I didn’t fuck this one up.

“A man that loved you from the first hello…and will always love you even after the last goodbye…”

***************ME



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Old 08-26-2005, 08:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
Chilled to Perfection
 
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Location: Dallas, TX
WHOA!!!!, sire, you nailed it perfectly. I just recently went through a bad break-up. and your feelings mirrored mine exactlly.

I mean they say they care about you, but then break-up with the lamest of reasons. her reason was "We were just a phase" talk about heartbreak. But with a little help from friends and few sad tunes and lots of crying into my beer. I'm slowly getting back to my old self. I'm sure you will too.
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